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Old 06-28-2006, 07:49 PM   #21
Melissa
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Re: Feeling uhhhh weird i guess LOL

I also got to the same church, and agree 100% with Brandi. I have also felt the samme as you. My oldest was born when I was 17. Sometimes when people find out how old I am they treat me differently for a while. I just show them with my actions that I am not like some teenmoms. I am a responsible parent.

As for the way others treat you after losing Brock, I honestly would have no idea what to say IRL either. I am very shy by nature and would hate to offend if I said something wrong.

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Originally Posted by bbjbryner
Hi Melissa-

I go to the same church as you and I feel so bad that you had this experience. It's always one or two people that make you feel unwelcome or whatever and it stinks. I'm pretty sure there's always going to be few people like that. But I bet there are a ton of people who support you and care about you and just don't know what to say! I visit teach a sister in our ward who had placental abruption at 29 weeks back in April. She had an emergency C-section and her baby boy lived for 20 minutes. I can hardly bare to talk to her. Because she did something wrong? Um no, because I want to cry every time I talk to her or see her. It's so hard to know what to say.

There is NO excuse for what that lady said to you but I'm guessing the reason that other people aren't reaching out to you is because they have no idea what to do or say. That's not a good excuse but it's exactly how I feel. Maybe you could help me to reach out to the sister I know. I would hate it if she felt unwelcome at church because I didn't even reach out to her at all.

Go talk to your bishop and tell him how you feel!
Brandi

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Old 06-30-2006, 05:48 PM   #22
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Re: Feeling uhhhh weird i guess LOL



That woman doesn't know what she's talking about.

Its just recently in the past 2 decades maybe if even that women are waiting to have children. Before that it was common to have kids young!

I was 21, my mom 21, my grandma 18!!!!!

Someone who is obviosuly that anti AP isn't worth taking seriously.REally.

I only have 4 kids and people look at me funny. they think I'm the babysitter. Shoot! Just 2 days ago, Em reading tutor asked me if I was her sister. Ummm helloooooooo, you met me yesterday w/ my other 3 kids DUH!

When people make comments like that to me I ask, "How many kids do you have?" Oh well you are welcome to come back when your resume is alittle larger!!!!.

She'll get it when her kids is SOOOO supressed, he come home from highschool totally wild and incontrollable. how can a child enjoy their childhood when they are treated like a prisoner.

Yes my kids are al bit wild. Yes they are loud, yes everyone KNOWS their kidshave arrived. but they are kind and loving, are the first to help a child in need. They are also never afraid to speak their mind and that is safer in this world that cowering in a corner, only doing what you are supposd to do and being quiet.

Sorry this got long. That lady just pissed me off.
You should not be treated this way.

I have no idea what to do to help your dd. In the mouring department I'm terrible. I still mourn the loss of my baby 6 years ago and cry like a baby.
Hug her love her, let her know its ok to hurt and that you are all hurting and that her baby brother knows he was loved so dearly.
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Old 06-30-2006, 06:17 PM   #23
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Re: Feeling uhhhh weird i guess LOL

I agree that that woman was totally out of line speaking to you like that. Personally, I would write her a note and tell her that you are comfortable with your own parenting choices and would not change your kids for the world and she was out of line to imply that you are a bad parent, especially at such a difficult time for you. I get so emotional and can't find the right words face to face, but it bothers me not to stand up for myself.... Just my on that matter.
I am so sorry for your loss. I will be praying for you and your family.
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Old 06-30-2006, 06:23 PM   #24
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Re: Feeling uhhhh weird i guess LOL

Omgosh I cannot believe the behavior of that woman. I agree with pp make an appointment with the bishop, let him know how you feel. If that doesn't work go to a new ward. ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))
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Old 08-18-2006, 12:06 PM   #25
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Re: Feeling uhhhh weird i guess LOL

Have you talked to your RS president? I have a companion similar to yours and she frustrates me to no end with the unsolicited advice and her "I'm better than you because I had my first child at 40" attitude. Thankfully she's an AP mama so I don't get criticism like that, but given the circumstances, perhaps your prez needs to get you a new person to do your "sisterly duties" with. It's ok to ask for a change!

We're always being taught that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true, but the people are less than perfect and it's ok that we recognize that (that's not judging, it's just looking out for what's best for us and our children and mean mommies that stress us out is BAD for our children)

Feel free to PM me. I'm also on IM if you need a shoulder to cry/laugh on
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Old 08-20-2006, 08:09 AM   #26
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Re: Feeling uhhhh weird i guess LOL

Hugs Melissa. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I get similar comments on the other end.... your too old and or Wow you must be the oldest Mom on the soccer field.... you get the picture. This is after struggling with infertilty for 9 years, and 2 second trimester losses. I always want to say... gee, I guess I should have stopped trying... UGH

Anyway, our daughter was almost 4 with our last loss. She was with me at the ultrasound when I found our Elizabeth's heartbeat had stopped. She was devastated. She talked about it for a very long time. Even when I was pregnant with her brother. She balled when we found out we were having a boy, because she really wanted a sister. I found that talking with her and hugging her was all she really wanted.

I stopped going to church for awhile, after our second loss. I really don't think people are trying to be mean but they really don't know what to say. Except for the Mom offering parently advice... just walk away....

Hugs to you and your dd. Hope that you find a supportive friend or two that can help you through this.
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