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Old 07-21-2008, 12:32 PM   #11
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Re: Single moms and dating

Originally Posted by mom2madison06 View Post
I'm kind of a hit or miss between 1 and 3. So far, my policy has been zero dating while she's this young, because I feel almost like I'm "cheating" on her. Maybe that doesn't make sense, but that's kind of how I feel...Like I'd be taking time/energy from what I normally give her. But then. I think if the opportunity presented itself, I could go out after she's asleep and not worry, but I would not bring her into it until I'm sure he'd stick around for a long while. I wouldn't want to be the single Mama who's bringing someone new into their kids life every month. Kids need stability.

Possibly I feel different about it, though, from being a single Mama since the day I found out I was pregnant. The fact it's always just been the two of us makes things a bit different.
I feel almost exactly the same as that mama.

I have been asked to go out a few times.. and most of the time I just cannot do it. ESPECIALLY if it's going to take away the time I get to spend with Payton. I have gone out a few times but it has ALWASY been after he has gone to bed.. and I am never out late.

But I think maybe it is differnt for someone who has been "single" from the pregnancy.


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Old 07-21-2008, 03:27 PM   #12
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Re: Single moms and dating

I fall under category #3, in 3 or so years since XH & I split, my girls met ONE man I was dating...and didn't see him in our home or his until we had been dating for almost a year (we did meet up to let our kids play together from about 6 months on, but on a playgroup-type level--no holding hands, kissing, etc, etc). I loved his DD very much, and my kids thought both of them were great. Unfortunately, obviously, things didn't work out, and I've had to deal with explaining that to my girls, along with explaining that we are going to be our new baby's mommy AND daddy (he was unable to accept any solution to our unplanned pg except abortion, and that's not a possibility for me, but I respect his decision for himself & let him walk away). If I ever get around to dating again, it'll be a long time, there are days my heart is still broken over this...but my girls won't be involved--yet another reason it'll be a long time If you need to talk or anything, feel free to pm me! Sorry this is so long & windy.
Proud single mama to 4 girls--Hayley (9/18/94), Megan (7/14/99), Kateri (7/14/02), and Indy (8/6/08)
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Old 07-21-2008, 10:52 PM   #13
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Re: Single moms and dating

Well, I keep saying I'm not ready to go there but I guess I'm kind of torn. A few weeks ago, I got a call from a guy that works with H. I went to Jr. High with his younger brother so whenever I'd have lunch with H and the guys, we'd always make fun of his family and our old teachers and that kind of thing. He's kind of a dork but he is funny. Anyway, so he found out that H and I split up and decided to call me and tell me that he's always really liked me and if I need anything, he'll be there for me. When he first called, I thought it was a little creepy. He suggested that maybe sometime he could take the boys and me to the park or something and I politely declined. About a week later, he called again, asking if he could take the boys and me to do something fun. Again, I just said no without really giving much explanation. About a week later, he called again and asked if he could take us to a movie so I told him that the timing is really bad right now. The divorce is not even final yet and H is being a royal jerk so I don't want to give him anything that he could even possibly use against me. I'm trying to do everything strictly by the book until we get this all finalized. And the boys are having a really hard time and I think it would be confusing for them to see me with someone else right now, even just as a friend. I mean, he's met them before when I'd take them to lunch with Daddy but that was different. He was very cool about it and said that he totally understands and he's not trying to pressure me or anything and that even when things are finalized he knows that I'll need time. His sister has two kids by two different exes and she and her kids live with him so he sees what she goes through with dating and how torn she is between wanting to be a good mom and wanting to have a grownup life. He said he just wants me to know that he's not bothered by the fact that I have kids and that he obviously wants to spend time with me but he's happy to include the kids in that when I'm comfortable with it. The last few days he's been calling me every day and while I was a little weirded out at first, I'm kind of starting to enjoy it. I'd like to be able to hang out with him, but H rarely takes the boys and I'd feel guilty leaving them with a sitter or even Grandma to go out on a someone else said, I'd feel like I was cheating on them. And the last thing I need right now is a rebound fling (or maybe that's exactly what I need )

My bankruptcy will be done two weeks from today and we'll be able to file the divorce then. So hopefully in another month or so things will settle down and I'll be able to figure out what's going to pass for normal from here on out. I think if I do start hanging out with this guy, I'll keep it to myself for a while until I figure out if it's going to be just friends or just a fling or something more. He seems like he's willing to respect whatever I, it's been a long time since I had that!
Barbara - Unexpectedly back after a long hiatus...anxiously awaiting #6!
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Old 07-21-2008, 11:07 PM   #14
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Re: Single moms and dating

im not a single mama but I wanted to chime in and say, I would recomend waiting to the point of stable relationship and trust before bring children into the mx, and totally agree with background checks.. people are so weird now a days you have to be so cautious with kids involved... goodluck on the dating sceen
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