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Old 06-01-2006, 09:03 PM   #21
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Re: Need some advice from Mamas who gently parent (only those mamas please)...

I try to focus on the fact that as parents, we are (hopefully) all doing what we think is best for our kids and we have the best intentions. Maybe that will help? I know its not easy when you think the kids are being hurt in some way but she seems like she's doing what she thinks is best, KWIM?

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Old 06-01-2006, 10:21 PM   #22
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Re: Need some advice from Mamas who gently parent (only those mamas please)...

I have the same situation with a friend of mine. She's a great friend but a horrible mother. Sad, but true. She is always asking to get together for playdates and I lie and say we have plans most of the time.

She screams at her kids, calls them names, spanks, pushes, yells, cusses, anything horrible, she does it. We DO NOT and don't believe in that type of behavior for ANYONE, most especially our children.

When I do cave and get together with her, I hope that my good influence will rub off on her. I'm not a perfect parent, far from it, but I'd like to think that our way of gentle discipline and kindness are much better for my children. I know they are actually.

The only time I would step in is if there was physical harm being done. I do tell her when I think she has gone over the line (usually name calling-she calls her kids the most awful names) and she usually is embarrassed and stops.

I hope that your friend will be the same way with you. I hope that she sees how much better your style of parenting is and that she learns from you. Sadly, that is probably how she was treated, so she "doesn't know any better" Not an excuse, but you can only do what you know, kwim?

Good Luck!
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Old 06-02-2006, 04:14 AM   #23
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Re: Need some advice from Mamas who gently parent (only those mamas please)...

(usually name calling-she calls her kids the most awful names) and she usually is embarrassed and stops.



Doyou have a video camera? I might pretend to videotape the kids playing, but focus on getting the name calling on tape- edit the tape so its just her calling her kids names (I'm imagining the Dr. Phil home videos nowLOL) and then play it for her. I wonder what it would do? I wonder if it would cause her to really see what she says and does.
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Old 06-02-2006, 04:57 PM   #24
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Re: Need some advice from Mamas who gently parent (only those mamas please)...

First of all...!

I have a friend who is coming to stay with us at the end of the month and we do things differently and we have managed to handle our discussions and in the one time we have been together with our children (we live a long way away from each other now) very well I think. She does some things that drive me batty but in the end it's how they get through their day and what works for them as a family.

The thing we say to one another is,"Neither way is right or wrong, and neither way is going to make my kid a serial killer, we all just do what's right for our family".
I would just do what you do and take LOTS of deep breaths and hope she can see and learn a thing or two. I know I learn from people that way and it's better that way for me than having someone tell me they don't like the way I do things, etc.

Again... I'm also sorry you had to be so scared of getting flamed. That just makes me sad.
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Old 06-02-2006, 05:14 PM   #25
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Re: Need some advice from Mamas who gently parent (only those mamas please)...

I don't think that's "that" bad. I don't force anything on my kids beyond tasting. "You have to try it, you don't have to like it" is our rule. My 8yo will, and has always gagged on anything she doesn't want to try. I still make her eat it. She has to eat one bite. Half the time she likes it.

As for the signing thing, you may be surprised that her ped or someone else in a position like that has told her that's what she should do. Mine did as ds1 is severely speech delayed. I ignored it, but if you are unsure & someone tells you that's what you should do, you may do it. Maybe you could ask her why she is doing it? Ask her if it helps, or just frustrates the girls & her more.
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Old 06-02-2006, 10:13 PM   #26
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Re: Need some advice from Mamas who gently parent (only those mamas please)...

No, usually when I hear this it's when I am on the phone with her. No way would I allow her to talk that way to her children in front of mine. They'd be so scared! Her kids are ALWAYS, I mean ALWAYS sick and she wonders why?? DUH! It's because it's so stressful at her house. Her and her DH hate eachother, too, so they're always fighting. It's a really sad and disturbing situation. I've often consided calling Dr Phil on her-intervention!

This is why I rarely get together with her She is just one of those people that won't go away no matter what I do and I can't be mean and tell her off LOL
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Old 06-03-2006, 10:43 AM   #27
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Re: Need some advice from Mamas who gently parent (only those mamas please)...

Just a quick post here: I am a social worker, i have 2 "easy" kids & well, NOT easy kid & I consider myself strict but gentle in discipline.

Maybe if you see her doing things that upset you, point out that you see its frustrating etc, when you see something good praise the kids, "oh stevie, thats so nice of you to share xyz, maybe she is so used to thinking negatively because these kids "have problems" she doesnt look for positives.

well, i've got more but i'm being pushed off the computer you can PM me if ya'd like
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