Please help me!! I am at a loss!

[Terrie]

I am at a loss as to what to do with my 3 1/2 year old. He is a very onery little guy. BUt I think things are getting WAY out of hand. This past 3 days have been AWFUL!! One thing is we bought him new bunk beds ($1400) and he took a marker to them. Then we painted my daughters room and he went in and took scratched the walls up with a plug for the lamp. Then I go into the bathroom and notice that he found a paintbrush and emptied and entire tube of toothpaste and painted my bathroom. (ok this one is a little funny and not too bad) Then the real kicker was today my dughter came in and said there was something weird all over her floor and she thought it was poop. I went in there and he had pooped EVERYWHERE and then peed on her and her friends flip flops. It looked like a dog had done this. It was the toosie roll poop and it was in her closet too. And the shoes were just drenched.
I know there has been a LOT of jealousy since Brock was born but we go way out to make sure he does not feel like he doesn't get any attention. I am really worried about this esp. this last thing. Is this normal? I mean is this just a typical onery little boy or should I seek help. I did not discipline him for the poop thing. I mean I was in SHOCK so I told him that it was not ok and kept trying to find out why he did it but he said just he had to go really bad. I mean we have 4 bathrooms so it was not an issue of the bathroom being occupied. Any advice????

[janelyb]

Not sure....does he have a good friend he is buddies with??? Maybe he's crying out for more 1 on 1 attention from you??? Gosh I hope things get better. It's stories like this make me wonder if I should even be trying for a 3rd???

[singlemomto3]

Sounds like for some reason he is very angry with her, maybe he sees her geting attention and he wants it. I think i would start locking her door all the time when she isn't in it. A small screwdriver or big safety pin can open it. Thats what i have to do for my little stinker butt. She likes to draw on stuff, and mess with big kid stuff.

Once you get the bad behavior decreased, then the extra attention won't seem like it if FOR the bad behavior

[Shanna]

The first thing that comes to my mind is more 1 on 1 attention. I know that can be hard to do, but maybe an afternoon w/ just Dad. After a day of 1-1 play/outing, maybe said parent could address the poop issue, and how disrespectful that was, etc. And talk about better ways of handling frustrastion/anger (or whatever emotion he pinpoints) next time.

I also notice my DS starts behaving badly when we haven't gotten out of the house much. Even though we have a nice backyard (by Vegas standards) with plenty to do, going to the park and burning energy improves his behavior drastically.

HTH,
Shanna

[Irishmommy]

My son acted out a lot after my dd was born. We made sure he had one on one time with dad, but it didn't seem to be enough, then I started making sure he has one on one time with me that was sort of unplanned. If I planned it then that would be the time that he really wanted his little sister along. Also, I made sure to tell the baby sometimes that she was going to have to wait a second because I was helping big brother right now. Another thing that we started was play therapy and it has been VERY helpful. I think mostly because it was an activity that was just about him. It is amazing how good this has been for him. This summer we will have several activities that will be just about him, swimming lessons, etc. I wish I could give you more advice, but I think I am a little shocked by the poop thing too. Also, for discipline techniques I would maybe read, The Explosive Child by Ross Greene, that one has been especially helpful for us. The only other thing I can say is put everything away. We locked EVERYTHING in my ds's closet for the longest time. It helped us not to have so much out at once.
Good luck and I would definitely look into the play therapy.

[CMamma]

Well at least I'm not the only one! DS has done some crazy things like this including taking perm marker to our TV & computer screen... lemme just say one thing - Mr Clean Magic Eraser. Took every last lil bit off. DS has also ruined a lot of other things & he yes has pooped on the floor. I have talked to MRDD & he has been identified with a social emotional problem & they think it is more than jealousy/terrible twos... perhaps that's part of it but his behavior isn't typical. Anyway, I am looking into a therapist that insurance will cover. The Ped sort of blew me off about everything & now they are jumping through hoops to help us b/c of his latest - biting. And not like biting someone here & there but biting me & actually breaking the skin b/c I was bleeding... and he started doing it to himself (behavior like those kids that cut themself).

ANYWAY all this being said, you are not alone in this & your child isn't the only one that acts out, believe me. I would suggested getting him evaluated somehow.

[teachermama]

Gosh, so sorry to hear of all the troubles for your little guy. I don't know him or your situation enough to really be of any big help to you, but I wanted to offer some info that I used to tell my kindergarten parents when faced with similar problems. First, I would have him help you clean up the messes when he makes them so that he takes partial to total responsiblilty for the behavior. I have a three year old also and she is very much in charge of cleaning up any messes for herself with limited assistance from a grown-up. Accidents are of course another story. Also for the "hands-on" activities that he seems to like maybe you could get him a box and fill it with "special projects" for him to make a mess under supervision. Things like shaving cream artwork on the tabletop and fingerpaint are GREAT stress relievers for him and can allow him to feel free to explore, but still within your boundaries for not bothering anyone else in the family with the clean-up or mess on their stuff. (It also will help his fine motor skills which as SO important for writing!!) For the biting, does he do it out of anger? And is it all the time impulsively or calculated? For example does he seem to think about it first and then attack or does he just go for it? Maybe if he's that calculated kind, you could acknowledge his feelings ("I know you're really feeling angry right now) and offer him some alternatives before the biting occurs (i.e. offer him some time to cool down in his room, offer to let him do one his special activities for a few minutes until the anger has passed, let him go outside to run it off) Sometimes kids need to have their feelings validated and be taught alternatives to self-destructive behavior because they are simply too young or immature to know any better. But, if he's super impulsive, then the therapist may defintely be able to help him identify triggers much better. And, not sure if they have this where you're at, but our school district offers counseling services on a sliding scale (you pay what your income allows you to afford, and sometimes nothing at all). These services are available to anyone who resides within the district boundaries not just current students. So it might be something to check out if the insurance thing doesn't work for you. Hope some of this is helpful and SORRY for the loooong post. Good luck to you!!!

[SandyG]

try one on one attention, he is wanting it
goodluck !!