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Old 12-20-2007, 11:27 AM   #11
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Re: Why I don't hang out with other mamas

I feel ya mama. None of the moms I know IRL BFed. Even one who had two preemies and said she "never had a desire to do THAT."

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Old 12-20-2007, 11:44 AM   #12
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Re: Why I don't hang out with other mamas

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So you don't want to hang out with people who have different parenting style than you, then get upset when someone questions or puts down your choices? If I did that I wouldn't even hang out with my own sister. That's one of the joys of parenting, everyone can do what is best for their family. While no it's not right for someone to knock breastfeeding by the same token it's not right to say that you won't or don't want to hang out with others who don't parent the same. I am no better than any other parent who is just trying to do what they feel is right even if I don't agree, and I'm certainly not going to stop having friends over it.
I tend to agree. If my friend had said that about BF, I'd just make a joke of it and leave it at that (Maybe, "Heck yeah! My kid's gonna be asking for boobies when she's in college!"...or something light hearted). My friend and I are totally different as far as parenting, but we get good tips from each other and its nice to have an outside perspective on things. If people are judgemental, I just make a funny smarta$$ comment back and usually get a laugh out of it...either at my expense or hers. But that's just the way I am, I don't take myself or what others think too seriously.
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Old 12-20-2007, 11:51 AM   #13
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Re: Why I don't hang out with other mamas

You need to find some new friends. A true friend would support you no matter what. My best friend is truly a hippie (extended breast feeding, cloth diapering, stay at home dad, all organic food, fresh milk, etc - you get the picture). She encourages me to be a better mom but she does it so that she is supportive of what ever I chose to do. I stopped breast feeding my daughter at 3 months and she never once said a bad word ever though I know she wanted me to continue, the same goes with not using cloth diapers. She has her ways of being a parent and I have mine, we share information and we both see it as take it or leave it everyone is entitled to raise their kids how they chose.
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Old 12-20-2007, 12:31 PM   #14
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Re: Why I don't hang out with other mamas

I've always tried in my friendships to be respectful of the other mama's choices re: parenting, and I expect that same respect. This (very different views/styles) has caused problems in a few friendships though. When it does, and the other mama isn't being kind anymore, it's time to move on. In general you usually find you haven't lost much. It IS hard to find out a friendship you thought of as real, wasn't though.
The ones who are true friends don't judge,compete or compare. It's hard to find mamas like that these days though. I am SO glad I have my ap parenting group!
SS you are going through this mama! Take care!
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Old 12-20-2007, 12:55 PM   #15
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Re: Why I don't hang out with other mamas

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So you don't want to hang out with people who have different parenting style than you, then get upset when someone questions or puts down your choices? If I did that I wouldn't even hang out with my own sister. That's one of the joys of parenting, everyone can do what is best for their family. While no it's not right for someone to knock breastfeeding by the same token it's not right to say that you won't or don't want to hang out with others who don't parent the same. I am no better than any other parent who is just trying to do what they feel is right even if I don't agree, and I'm certainly not going to stop having friends over it.

Who wants a friend who acts disgusted by your parenting choices? Nobody. There's a big difference between two friends agreeing to disagree, and one friend treating the other like she's some kind of freak.

My SIL is an RN, and while we're very close and I love her dearly, there are things we strongly disagree about, namely circumcision and medications/vaccinations. We try not to talk about those things, because things can get pretty strained. We focus instead on the things we have in common (bf, babywearing, cosleeping, loving our children) and don't discuss the other things. I know how she feels, she knows how I feel, and we leave it at that.

In my situation, my SIL doesn't ridicule me or act grossed out by things I do, so it's workable. If a mama is in a situation where she feels put down or degraded by things that are being said by someone else who has a different parenting style, then yeah, she needs some new friends who will be loving and supportive.
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Old 12-20-2007, 01:24 PM   #16
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Re: Why I don't hang out with other mamas


I hear ya! I just try not to talk about stuff like that. I need the company or I go crazy nuts. I just try to let it roll off my back. I keep saying to myself "What's right for me isn't right for everyone."
I told my husband I want to start a commune. That way we could be around like-minded people.
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Old 12-20-2007, 01:33 PM   #17
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Re: Why I don't hang out with other mamas

Obviously she is still friends w/ them, I think she meant that she doesn't have someone to share these things with. And the one friend asked her if she was one of those people, I will admitt if she had said that to me I would have been upset!! It sucks not to have someone that supports you when your friends when most of the world thinks your odd. That's great if your the type of person that is able to brush everything off, but remember not everyone is like that For me, it depends on my hormonal situation
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Old 12-20-2007, 01:34 PM   #18
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Re: Why I don't hang out with other mamas

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I hear ya! I just try not to talk about stuff like that. I need the company or I go crazy nuts. I just try to let it roll off my back. I keep saying to myself "What's right for me isn't right for everyone."
I told my husband I want to start a commune. That way we could be around like-minded people.
I would join your commune I was at my local Mom;s group the other day and one mother said "OMG, you nurse a 20 mth old?????!!!!!!!!!" like I was some sort of freak! Needless to say, my opinion of her spiraled downwards pretty quickly! I did however like the comment that my milk must be whipping cream as my ds is so chubby
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Old 12-20-2007, 01:58 PM   #19
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Re: Why I don't hang out with other mamas

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Who wants a friend who acts disgusted by your parenting choices? Nobody. There's a big difference between two friends agreeing to disagree, and one friend treating the other like she's some kind of freak.
So agree!
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Old 12-20-2007, 02:18 PM   #20
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Re: Why I don't hang out with other mamas

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Who wants a friend who acts disgusted by your parenting choices? Nobody. There's a big difference between two friends agreeing to disagree, and one friend treating the other like she's some kind of freak.
I agree, but ......
this woman may have never met someone that BF'd that long and many people do think its odd. I also thought it was odd to bf for that long until I met people that actually did it. Who knows, I may have offended someone myself at one time! How are you going to change people's minds if you don't talk to them about it? She may have just said it as a joke and may be very very sorry once she hears the other side of the story.
I guess what I'm saying is, she said it once, laugh it off. If she continues to berrate you over it (i.e. she's not sorry for what she said), then find a new friend.
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