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Old 12-20-2007, 02:23 PM   #21
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Re: Why I don't hang out with other mamas

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Originally Posted by austinandashlynsmommy View Post
I found myself in a very similar boat a few months ago. I've since found a local ap group with the same beliefs/phillosiphies as myself and LOVE them! I've distanced myself from many friends since becomming a mama though and now how you feel. I would search for nearby ap groups or LLL meetings. I actually found out about my ap group at a lll meeting.
That is exactly what I was going to suggest. I am blessed to have friends who practice what I do and support me, but even they don't co-sleep, etc... and don't fully understand. It is really important to surround yourself with people who will build you up, not tear you down. Good job for sticking up for yourself!! You are doing the right thing, and it is just so sad that they can't at least be supportive, even if they don't understand, as that is what a true friend does.

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Old 12-20-2007, 02:26 PM   #22
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Re: Why I don't hang out with other mamas

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So you don't want to hang out with people who have different parenting style than you, then get upset when someone questions or puts down your choices? If I did that I wouldn't even hang out with my own sister. That's one of the joys of parenting, everyone can do what is best for their family. While no it's not right for someone to knock breastfeeding by the same token it's not right to say that you won't or don't want to hang out with others who don't parent the same. I am no better than any other parent who is just trying to do what they feel is right even if I don't agree, and I'm certainly not going to stop having friends over it.
But don't you love your friends despite their choices? It sounds like her friends are not loving her because of her choices. No two people will ever agree, you are 100% right on that, that's just the joys of parenting, and I agree. However, when my friends and I don't see eye-to-eye, I don't stop hanging out with them, but I would if they were bashing me, and not supporting me. I support them with their choices, and expect them to do the same.
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Old 12-20-2007, 05:01 PM   #23
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Re: Why I don't hang out with other mamas

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Who wants a friend who acts disgusted by your parenting choices? Nobody. There's a big difference between two friends agreeing to disagree, and one friend treating the other like she's some kind of freak.


If a mama is in a situation where she feels put down or degraded by things that are being said by someone else who has a different parenting style, then yeah, she needs some new friends who will be loving and supportive.
I agree!
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Old 12-20-2007, 06:17 PM   #24
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Re: Why I don't hang out with other mamas

Let's spin this around.
Would you remain friends with someone who put you down for formula feeding or who called formula poison?
I doubt it so why doesn't the same extend for those mommas who don't want to remain friends with someone who puts them down for BFing or exBFing?
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Old 12-20-2007, 06:44 PM   #25
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Re: Why I don't hang out with other mamas

I've never said anything negative regarding her ff her own daughter, so yes I would feel the same way if it were reversed. I don't expect my friends to put down my parenting choices simply because I don't put down theirs. I do say things like we decided not to use plastic toys because of all the recalls lately, or we decided not to use sposies because of concerns of all the chemicals, etc. I don't say she's awful for ff or using sposies, or try and push info on her about cd'ing or bfing. I figure that each parent, if they are a good and decent parent, will try and do the best thing for their kid with love in their heart. I can't knock that. I feel like if she's going to be led to cd or bf or whatever with this child or the next, it will be because I've led by example and not by preaching and pushing my views on her or trying to make her feel bad for her choices. And certainly I wouldn't say something that would make her feel like a freak.
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Old 12-20-2007, 06:47 PM   #26
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Re: Why I don't hang out with other mamas

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So you don't want to hang out with people who have different parenting style than you, then get upset when someone questions or puts down your choices? If I did that I wouldn't even hang out with my own sister. That's one of the joys of parenting, everyone can do what is best for their family. While no it's not right for someone to knock breastfeeding by the same token it's not right to say that you won't or don't want to hang out with others who don't parent the same. I am no better than any other parent who is just trying to do what they feel is right even if I don't agree, and I'm certainly not going to stop having friends over it.
I'm not trying to alienate myself from all my friends. It's just hard when they are all doing things differently and looking at me like I'm weird for doing what I feel is right. The feeling that they give me with comments and stuff is what makes me not want to hang out with them. The whole reason you become friends with people in the first place usually is because you have stuff in common and can relate to each other. When you both become moms and figure out that you are actually waaaay different, I guess I'm just saying I am having a hard time overcoming those differences and she's not helping either.
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Old 12-20-2007, 06:56 PM   #27
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Question Re: Why I don't hang out with other mamas

Awww Mama, I completely understand. We need to meetup. I have yet to meet another Mama who CD's and BF's.
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Old 12-20-2007, 06:58 PM   #28
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Re: Why I don't hang out with other mamas

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I've never said anything negative regarding her ff her own daughter, so yes I would feel the same way if it were reversed. I don't expect my friends to put down my parenting choices simply because I don't put down theirs. I do say things like we decided not to use plastic toys because of all the recalls lately, or we decided not to use sposies because of concerns of all the chemicals, etc. I don't say she's awful for ff or using sposies, or try and push info on her about cd'ing or bfing. I figure that each parent, if they are a good and decent parent, will try and do the best thing for their kid with love in their heart. I can't knock that. I feel like if she's going to be led to cd or bf or whatever with this child or the next, it will be because I've led by example and not by preaching and pushing my views on her or trying to make her feel bad for her choices. And certainly I wouldn't say something that would make her feel like a freak.
I was trying to support you.
sorry for the confusion.
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Old 12-20-2007, 08:57 PM   #29
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Re: Why I don't hang out with other mamas

I'm so lucky! I do have a very good friend who CD's and BF's....and she's done it with all FIVE of her kids! I <3 her, and should really make more of an effort to get together with her more often! Most of my friends bf (although I've recently discovered I may have hit upon the single largest pocket of bf'ing moms in our area!) but only the ONE cd's. I totally understand what the mama is saying.....I want and look for friends who I have things in common with, there's a sense of connection there....I think we all want to be understood, to have someone who really understands who you are and where you're coming from as a friend. No matter what hobbies or interests you share, if your life philosophies are totally different, you can't have deep, meaningful discussions; you'll either end up arguing or you'll avoid "hot topics" all together (which leads to very superficial conversations IMHO). When the choices you each make for your families are sooo different from each other, it doesn't leave you much common ground...especially when, as moms, our families are one of the biggest aspects of our lives.

Plus...who DOESN't want a friend who understands why she obssesses over detergent choices for her diapers, or can offer suggestions for sore nipples!

mama. Here's hoping you can find someone to share with....
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Old 12-20-2007, 11:14 PM   #30
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Re: Why I don't hang out with other mamas

Im sorry but you come across as being incredibly conceited and judgmental in your OP.. I understnad having your own set of parenting ideals and whatnot, but its unrealistic to expect everyone to understand and accept them. I doubt she was trying to be rude.. its just that to most people extended breastfeeding is pretty foreign and they simply dont understand it.

Im nursing my 12 months old with no plans for weaning anytime soon and I cant even count how often i get asked how long i plan to nurse.. from my closest friends and family.. i get told ALL THE TIME that shes old enough to wean and its time to get her off my boob. I pick nd choose my battles and figure this is one its not even worth getting my undies in a bundie over.. Some people just arent going to get it and you need to look past it. If I was going to be militant as you about only associating with likeminded people Id be a very lonely mama.. and I would be associating with ANY of my family.. and that would be very sad

ETA: I get crap for CDing, BWIng, & being "Hippie": ALL THE TIME from family & friends too.. It doesnt even phase me anymore.. I usually respnds with something like, "And thats why you love me!!" :goodvibes
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