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Old 07-21-2007, 02:41 PM   #11
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Re: I think my 2 yo hates me today :cry:

I wanted to add too that at that age they don't know HOW to deal with their behavior. my dd hits the air and she's 3. She learned not to hit others, herself, the wall, her toys, etc so she throws her hands up in the air. I have always just gave her a hug (while holding her hands down so she doesn't hit) and say "I know you're upset, but we still don't hit. If your mad it's okay to cry, but not hit. I'm sorry your sad." It usually works after a little bit. If not I just walk away and say let me know when you're ready to not hit. But you need to find something to replace the hitting with. something she can do when she's upset that isn't hitting to release her anger. Some parents teach hitting a pillow, I don't like to teach hitting anything. I teach my kids to cry and we sometimes throw a soft ball back and forth to help the aggresssion or I tell (occasionally) to not hit with their hand they have to use a pillow and I had them a pillow and I grab a pillow and we hit each other with pillows until they're laughing. They need a release and you need to teach them what's acceptable. Telling them what not to do doesn't work because they don't have the smarts yet to think of another option. I like to turn anger into a game occasionally like the pillow fight, not always maybe once a month or if they're made looking like they might hit I say you look upset, I think you need tickled and it nips it in the but. Maybe I'm crazy, but my kids enjoy it and they laugh. Kids forgive and forget easy when they have help to get over it quickly. Maybe I'm not a serious enough person? But my kids are all well behaved so it works for my kids.

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Old 07-21-2007, 02:47 PM   #12
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Re: I think my 2 yo hates me today :cry:

Hang in there! I am in a very similar situation. My daughter has been a real handful today, and even though my DH is home, he is at a loss as to how to handle her when she starts acting up. We are also expecting our second daughter any day now, so it is just so exhausting to have to be SO pregnant and have a cranky two year old! I hope your day improves and your daughter get into a better mood!
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Old 07-21-2007, 03:06 PM   #13
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Re: I think my 2 yo hates me today :cry:

I'm so sorry. I had an awful day like that last week too. It is really hard to deal with sometimes and even though I try not to I sometimes take it too personally.

I like a lot of the advice you've been given. Try to remain firm but loving. Don't allow her to hit you but try not to let the situation escalate by you returning your anger to her anger. Try to avoid spanking her for this situation. Hitting for hitting it hard for them to grasp.

Like a pp said if you can in any way turn it into something that will let her release her frustration and make it fun - please do it. A great book that discusses that concept is something called Playful Parenting.

While I lean on the more firm side I also have learned the merit of being firm in what we won't allow but also in being flexible and fun in redirecting the behavior.
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Old 07-21-2007, 04:14 PM   #14
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Re: I think my 2 yo hates me today :cry:

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I'm sorry mama! My kids drive me insane, they all take their turns....

One piece of advice. You said her vocabulary is almost that of a 3 year old and she's telling you she's not very happy....

In a situation like this, I would say "it's not nice to hit even if you aren't happy. Would would make you happy so we can stop hitting and go to grandma's house? Would mommy reading a story make you happy? Coloring? How can we help you be happy" Something to that effect. It worked wonders with my oldest when he was that age. If he suggested something I wouldn't do (like give him some cookies), then I would say "what else would make you happy" Then I would say before reading a story or whatever "if we are going to read books then you need to stop hitting so we can read. Mommy loves you and wants to read with you, but mommy doesn't play with people who are hitting" If she hits I would just get up and walk away and say "you come tell me when you're done hitting so we can play, mommy doesn't play with people when they are hitting, it hurts"

walking away was more effective for my son then time out. he was so distraught if I left that i know he was doing it to get a reaction/attention from me and when I left him by himself he was so sad that he stopped.

Just something to try...all kids are different and they all like to test us in different ways! I'm sorry
Thanks for the advice momma2three. The funny thing is, I tried reading, tickling and she did hit me with a pillow a few times. I asked her why she wasn't happy (and got a million different answers, many of which made no sense whatsoever) but I didn't think to ask her what would make her happy. Right now, she is doing a lot better. She had an hour of "quiet time" in her room and has been a lot better since. But we are just going to stay home today and stay away from sugar just in case. If it was just a tired thing, she still didn't take a nap and doesn't need the sugar highs and lows so we are just going to stay here where she can go to her bed if/when she gets tired again and where I can make sure none of the ILs "spoiling" makes her worse. . . Thanks for all your support. It's been a bad day, but hopefully it is getting better now.
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Old 07-21-2007, 04:53 PM   #15
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Re: I think my 2 yo hates me today :cry:

Your welcome. I've very big on how can we make you happy or how can we make so and so happy. With my oldest 2. If the baby is crying I ask my kids, how can we make her happy? The come up with things like giving her her lovey, giving her milk, etc. It's cute to see what they come up with...so I don't juse use that when they are upset. I always tell them what makes me happy (you're sharing that makes me so happy, good job), etc. I think it's important learning how to make others happy as well as themselves, it kinda teaches them that they choose to be happy and they choose to be sad. We have these conversations a LOT in this house and it's helped so much, we really focus and making everyone happy and how can we do it?

hopefully tomorrow will be a better day!
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Old 07-21-2007, 05:06 PM   #16
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Re: I think my 2 yo hates me today :cry:

When trying redirection -- did you try giving her something else totally unrelated to do ... or did you give her an *acceptable* outlet for her frustration?

With Leila, I did this:
1st time = "that hurts, you don't want to hurt me/yourself" + show loving touches
2nd time = stern no & create/maintain physical distance stating that you will only be close if she won't hurt
3rd time = get on her level, act dramatically angry/sad/whatever even to the point of being animalistic (but safe) & start puching a pillow, ripping paper, etc.

This usually helped Leila get her feelings out within moments & then I transitioned the act into becomming a silly game, ending with tickles. Afterwards we practiced deep breathing, feeling our heartbeats. Then we would talk calmly about how much nicer it feels to laugh & be gentle.

Once I started that technique, her hitting slowly diminished & then stopped altogether, often with her going to find a designated punching pillow at the 1st sign of aggression all on her own.
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Old 07-21-2007, 05:19 PM   #17
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Re: I think my 2 yo hates me today :cry:

No advice here mama, my DD isn't there (YET!), but lots of
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Old 07-21-2007, 07:13 PM   #18
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Re: I think my 2 yo hates me today :cry:

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When trying redirection -- did you try giving her something else totally unrelated to do ... or did you give her an *acceptable* outlet for her frustration?

With Leila, I did this:
1st time = "that hurts, you don't want to hurt me/yourself" + show loving touches
2nd time = stern no & create/maintain physical distance stating that you will only be close if she won't hurt
3rd time = get on her level, act dramatically angry/sad/whatever even to the point of being animalistic (but safe) & start puching a pillow, ripping paper, etc.

This usually helped Leila get her feelings out within moments & then I transitioned the act into becomming a silly game, ending with tickles. Afterwards we practiced deep breathing, feeling our heartbeats. Then we would talk calmly about how much nicer it feels to laugh & be gentle.

Once I started that technique, her hitting slowly diminished & then stopped altogether, often with her going to find a designated punching pillow at the 1st sign of aggression all on her own.
I guess that is what I did wrong. I tried giving her something totally unrealted to focus on, reading a book of her choosing because she loves to read. I will have to try your approach next time. Sending her to her room for "quiet time" seemed to work but only for a little bit. She had 3 sessions of time out this afternoon and usually only has one. DH is home now, though, and we are watching a mickey mouse movie with her, one of the old ones he watched when he was little (his parents gave a lot of them to him today when he was over there). We are trying to give her a lot of positive attention now. I kind of think maybe it is the fact that the new baby is almost here. We spent last night getting the car seat, so maybe it is more real to her now. The funny thing is, she was hugging baby sister and talking to her through my tummy today and was being so sweet before, during and after the hitting incidents. It was so weird. *sighs* at least DH is home now. GTG spend some "quality time" with DD. . . Thanks again.
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Old 07-21-2007, 09:30 PM   #19
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Re: I think my 2 yo hates me today :cry:

Hope it works -- of course nothing is a quick fix, though ... LOL

I'm sitting here right now hoping with clenched jaw that my new method to prevent my 5 year old's recent uncharacteristic misbehavior will work *FINGERS CROSSED*
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Old 07-21-2007, 09:40 PM   #20
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Re: I think my 2 yo hates me today :cry:

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Hope it works -- of course nothing is a quick fix, though ... LOL

I'm sitting here right now hoping with clenched jaw that my new method to prevent my 5 year old's recent uncharacteristic misbehavior will work *FINGERS CROSSED*
I'm starting to see it's all about new methods of prevention or discipline. Nothing works for long with mine, either.

On another note, she spent all day being mean to me then daddy got home and she wanted me to put her to bed, LOL. Go figure.
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