Single mothers by choice

[abunchoflemons]

I was a single mom. I chose it as the guy just didn't seem to have any sense and still doesn't as far as I am concerned. I went through college and had the support of my mom who also had become single by my dad leaving and then passing within like 5 years or so of me.

I have since married and had more kids.

It is a tough job and think it is great for all of you that do it.

[kirst]

Originally Posted by KLadyBugMama Thanks! Kianna just turned 9 weeks old. I'm really enjoying this SMBC decision. It works for me so much! Mobile and most likely NAKing so bear with me

Yah! I just saw this as haven't been around the forum as much. What a cutie!

[kirst]

Originally Posted by Smooglie I hate the label "Single Mother by Choice". My first choice would have been meeting and marrying Mr. Right before having kids with him.....I never felt that it was a choice. Be childless or use a donor? Of course I'll choose a donor!

Yeah, I feel the same way about the label. I also wanted the husband- father-of-my-children-white-picket-fence. Its not like it was my childhood dream to do this on my own. I was married to someone who essentially lied to me about wanting kids- he says he "changed his mind" but in hindsight, there were a lot of cues that he wasn't really into fatherhood, but i guess I'd hoped he would mature and grow into it. We were together for 15 years. One day, after we'd spent an entire summer renovating our basement to put in a nursery, he tells me that he "doesn't think he can be the man I want and doesn't want to be a father".

...so that was that. ( He had also just finished University and we'd just finished the big reno...convenient, eh?). I used to be more angry about it, but once I had my son, it dissipated the anger at him ( and at myself for picking him and wasting my time and chance to have a "normal" family). I still don't like the term, because the reality is, it wasn't my first choice...but it was my only shot. ( after my divorce, I went on 70 first dates in 3 years...tick, tick, tock) I finally realized I wasn't going to meet father material at my age and the only nice guys I was meeting already had older kids from previous marriages and didn't want more ( fair enough).

So I struggle a bit with the term, too. I tend to use the term "choice mom" myself, meaning for me anyway that I did actively choose to conceive my son, like I'm not a single mom by accident. LOL.

[Melinda29]

Originally Posted by Smooglie I hate the label "Single Mother by Choice". My first choice would have been meeting and marrying Mr. Right before having kids with him. But he proved to be rather elusive, so I went the donor route. I used a sperm bank donor who is willing to be found by the kiddos when they turn 18. He is required to keep his contact info up to date, so I hope he does. I think he will have the shock of his life when the first pair of offspring (twins) find him, as we have close to 40 in our mom group (so far), all from the same donor (we found each other online). My son will be 16 and my daughter 13 when the first kids turn 18, so it will be interesting to see how it all plays out. I have friends who have to share their kids with exes, or who have unsupportive husbands who leave them to do the majority of the child-related stuff. They all think I made the right choice to do it alone. I never felt that it was a choice. Be childless or use a donor? Of course I'll choose a donor!

Your kids have almost 40 biological half-siblings???????



How on earth did all you moms figure this out? How do you know that you all had the same donor?

[carriek38]

Originally Posted by Melinda29 Your kids have almost 40 biological half-siblings??????? How on earth did all you moms figure this out? How do you know that you all had the same donor?

Crashing, as I'm not a SMBC. The donor sibling registry is an amazing resource & the cryobank we used has its own forum, where you can connect w/ other donor sib families. Our kids all have the same donor. Our oldest is 4.5 & we've connected w/ other families for 8 half-siblings so far, all 7 yrs & under. We even met up w/ four other families for a vacation when DD1 was 13 mos.

[Tstitches]

choice mom here too. amazing 32weeker. i was hospitalized for seven weeks before that. Mentally challenging to be your own support but i love her to death.