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Old 01-19-2009, 10:31 PM   #1
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How Will I Know That I'm Done Having Babies?

Stupid question maybe? I think I just need some words of wisdom or maybe just a listening ear.

I'm just so unsure of whether or not we should have more children. We have 2 ( a nearly 4 year old and a nearly 2 year old) and I find my life to be busy, exhausting but joyful. On an everyday, practical level it just seems like having more children would be so difficult and even more exhausting. Financially, we would be fine but as our kids get older it seems to be getting easier and I'm starting to look to the days when we can do the things I've always wanted to do as a family- snowboarding, traveling etc. Not to mention getting back to my career. I was always so sure I would have only 2 children- just like my parents.

But, when I search my heart I'm not sure if 2 is enough. I look at my family and I'm not sure if I see a complete picture yet. I know that many Mammas believe that God will guide them, but I'm not sure of how strong my faith is to just wait and see what happens.

I guess my question is: Am I feeling this way only because my baby is growing up? Will I always want another baby when the youngest is no longer an infant? I think DH sort of feels the same way as we seem to both hesitate about saying that we are done for sure.

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Old 01-20-2009, 04:58 AM   #2
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Re: How Will I Know That I'm Done Having Babies?

Hey...I know exactly what you mean. My oldest is 4 yrs. and my youngest is almost 4 months and I already feel that way. I was the one that never really wanted kids, and now that I have 2...I just can't put my finger on it but I'm not sure it's enough. Here's my thinking pattern lately...I don't want 5, but I'm not sure that 3 is enough...so I think our number will be somewhere between 3 and 4. Because I couldn't get a handle on it...I just started with...ok, how many is too many...and then narrow it down from there. And honestly I'm not sure what to do next...I'm just going to keep waiting until I feel comfortable possibly conceiving again. I hope this helps...maybe all Moms deal with this?
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Old 01-20-2009, 05:19 AM   #3
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Re: How Will I Know That I'm Done Having Babies?

Maybe its different with everybody, but I just KNEW. After Noah (my second) was born, everyone assumed that was it; we were done. But I never felt that. I knew deep down that there was another baby for us. After Juli was born 6 months ago I felt totally complete. I don't want any more babies and I'm happy with that feeling. If you have to question it, you're not done IMO.
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Old 01-20-2009, 05:34 AM   #4
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Re: How Will I Know That I'm Done Having Babies?

Yah I can totally identify...I think everyone assumes that me and my husband are done...but I just don't think so yet...even though I'm not really sure if I want to go through all that again...the first few months are soo hard! Anyways, thanks for the great advice!! That really does help me!
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Old 01-20-2009, 05:44 AM   #5
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Re: How Will I Know That I'm Done Having Babies?

I don't think you have to make a final decision - or are you planning on some kind of permanent birth control like vasectomy, etc.?
I have a 4 months old and a 2 year old and while I may not feel done having babies I definitely feel done having TODDLERS! LOL
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Old 01-20-2009, 07:02 AM   #6
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Re: How Will I Know That I'm Done Having Babies?

I def can't help ya! We were so sure we were done after DD2. When she was 4 1/2 we found out that we were expecting again unexpectably and WOW, we were so stoked! Now we are thinking about one more..lol!
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Old 01-20-2009, 07:21 AM   #7
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Re: How Will I Know That I'm Done Having Babies?

I know how you feel I have a 10 yr old a 6 yr old and now a 2 mon old and I just said to my husband last night I dont think we are done I feel in my heart we are supposed to have more kids. Mind you I dont want to be like 17 and counting(tv show) but I just feel like you will know when your done I also think their is a plan for everyone and what is ment to be will be when I just had my son 2 mon ago I signed the papers to get my tubes tied, I went into labor 3 weeks early and ultamitly they wernt prepared and could not do my surgery, I feel this was ment to be so I am going with it and letting nature take its coarse .
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Old 01-20-2009, 08:07 AM   #8
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Re: How Will I Know That I'm Done Having Babies?

All I can say is if you have that nagging feeling that you want another child, then it probably won't go away anytime soon. It happened to me, I found out I was pregnant then had a miscarriage and thought maybe I should be done? But, the feeling didn't go away. We always said 4 kids w/ a nice gap in b/t to give me a break w/ a bunch of little ones. I have to tell you having a 3rd is awesome, but the fighting older sisters 8 & 5 isn't so cool...lol. We are planning for #4 and are excited to soon have our family complete. I will add this...it sounds morbid, but I always knew I wanted more than 2 kids(I was the middle, uugghh, others can relate I'm sure) and the thought of losing 1 of only 2 kids would be to much to bare. What would holidays be like for the other sibling? Like I said a tad morbid, but so real in nature.
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Old 01-20-2009, 08:11 AM   #9
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Re: How Will I Know That I'm Done Having Babies?

Quote:
Originally Posted by newfiemomma View Post
Maybe its different with everybody, but I just KNEW. After Noah (my second) was born, everyone assumed that was it; we were done. But I never felt that. I knew deep down that there was another baby for us. After Juli was born 6 months ago I felt totally complete. I don't want any more babies and I'm happy with that feeling. If you have to question it, you're not done IMO.
Thank you for sharing...it makes me feel a little more at ease knowing that I will at some time feel that our family is complete.

And thank you to the other mamas...at least I know I'm not alone in feeling this way. I do think that sometimes it's the expectation that once you have 2- and especially if you have a boy and a girl- that you should be done. I know my own mom has made comments about 2 being the perfect number, so I feel that if I was to have more children that she wouldn't be very supportive.
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Old 01-20-2009, 08:37 AM   #10
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Re: How Will I Know That I'm Done Having Babies?

ya know, i always thought that when people said they felt done that i wouldn't feel that way. i didn't know when i thought i would be done. i thought they were just crazy. but after grace was born, i just sorta felt complete. i didn't want to go through the newborn stage again, i didn't feel that "need" to look at baby stuff, etc. She's 1 now and I still like to see newborns and their curled up little bodies and pregnant bellies make me warm and fuzzy inside but i don't have the desire to do it again. 3 is it for me. i just feel like i'm happy with my family dynamics now with me and the 3 girls. i wouldn't want to shift that with another baby even if i was in a happy relationship or married happily or whatever. i love having 3 and having them all be girls. 3 girls was my dream come true. and i don't feel like i could divide my time up enough with 4 or 5 or more. so things just feel complete and DONE. i feel DONE.
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