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Old 01-08-2007, 10:05 AM   #21
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Re: should I cancel my home birth? is it worth it, money rant...

I think it is inappropriate for the midwife to demand everything upfront ONLY because you explained several months ago that you would have to switch for financial reasons and she convinced you not to by agreeing to wait until the reimbursment checks came in. Obviously she didn't expect them to take so long, but that is the risk she assumed when making that agreement with you. By demanding the money now she has put you between a rock and a hard place. I would simply explain that while you are still hoping for a homebirth, your financial situation is just as it was several months ago when she agreed to wait for the checks to come in. By waiting until now to change the arrangent she hasn't given you time to find a way to pay her in a responsible manner (like saving). If she refuses to yield, you should at least explore you other options. You may still choose to use her services, but knowing what is out there will help you to know using her was a CHOICE, not something you got stuck with.

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Old 01-09-2007, 03:22 PM   #22
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Re: I cancelled the home birth

Thank you to everyone who replied to my thread...ultimately it helped a lot...I was able to really think about my choices and figure out how I feel about the whole thing. My husband and I have talked a lot and decided to transfer care to the hospital.

It turns out that my hesitation isn't really about money at all. I believe I was merely hiding behind the stress of money instead of facing my real fears about having the baby at home. Fear, not because I think it isn't safe...I know it is very safe, but fear for the pain of my labor and being in an environment without choice.

I feel complete relief now just knowing that I can go to the hospital...do my very best to have a natural birth without drugs, but the security of the option if I am overwhelmed.

With Nolan...baby no. 2...I wanted these choices. I wanted a midwife that would attend my labor at the hospital, try to be with me and encourage me so that I would not need the drugs, but that's not what they do (here). One of the midwives at the birthcenter told me that if I chose to deliver at the hospital instead of their birthcenter I would not be attended by a midwife for my labor. That I would be alone and they would give priority to any women if in labor at the same time, that had chosen the birthcenter. So I felt rather forced to choose the birthcenter over the hospital if I wanted to recieve support for a birth as natural as I could manage (with a midwife). It was obviously an all or nothing directive as far as the midwives were concerned. Just "trying" for a natural childbirth wasn't good enough...either you commit to it & birth in a place where drugs are not available, or go to the hospital and "just get the drugs because that's what you will end up doing anyways" with a "why are you wasting our time?" attitude, "just go get an OB".

When labor was upon me I felt trapped. I felt I had made the wrong choice. I wanted desperately to be transported over to the hospital (across the street)...I was miserable, scared, and felt alone and abandoned. Cornered by my own choices. I asked to be transferred and was ignored. Looking back it was the fear of being without the option that made me feel so afraid, perhaps not the physical pain itself.

Up until today I was prepared to put myself in that same box. I was going to lock myself in and deny myself options. Now I wonder if it is in fact the box that makes me panic. I was afraid of an OB because I thought "they will certainly not help me acheive a natural birth and drugs would be practically guaranteed (a different and possibly worse box). Also not what I want...I want to TRY.

Now that I have changed my mind...tranferred my care...I feel much less fear. I feel that I might really be able to birth naturally knowing that the option is there if I can't take it. No boxes. Having experienced natural childbirth twice...I know I can do it again. I don't know if I will want to, but I will try. I am not going to be afraid of the OB...we have found a group that claims to support natural childbirth & low intervention (recommended by a doula)...my husband and I are going to do our best together and accept whatever happens.

So strangely I was creating my own worst nightmare. Boxing myself in, eliminating my choices, denying my options, forcing myself to have only one kind of birth...a painful one.

With this fear gone I can focus more directly on all of the preparation I have done up to this point...I have done tons of research into natural pain relief for natural childbirth because I am that afraid of it...I have spent months focused on how to relieve the pain of my labor. Now...if the cornered and trapped fear is gone I might actually be able to relax...and the preparation I have done might actually work.

Maybe I can go to the hospital and have another unmedicated birth...this time by choice instead of force, imposed upon me by midwives or by myself.

I can refuse the interventions that I do not want and maybe, just maybe, experience what true "empowerment" feels like.
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Old 01-10-2007, 07:49 AM   #23
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Re: should I cancel my home birth? is it worth it, money rant...

I am glad you are doing what is best for you and your family.

Kim
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Old 01-10-2007, 12:39 PM   #24
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Re: should I cancel my home birth? is it worth it, money rant...

I hope that it works out for you and you are at peace with your decision. It isn't good to be so stressed out. :hug I hope you can feel good about whatever you decide and relax these last few weeks of pregnancy.
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Old 01-11-2007, 08:19 PM   #25
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Re: should I cancel my home birth? is it worth it, money rant...

Good luck with your hospital birth! I hope everything works out just as you hope and that you are blessed with a wonderful birth and a healthy baby!
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Old 01-12-2007, 01:28 AM   #26
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Re: should I cancel my home birth? is it worth it, money rant...

Ok. so I have a confession. I'm a lunatic and have driven everyone around me completely NUTS for the last 3 days. My poor dh has/had no idea how to talk to me...I was just totally off my rocker and crazy.

I cancelled my home birth, scheduled an OB appointment, then went to the hospital to register, then went to birth center to tour...then came home and freaked out. The next morning I cancelled my ob appointment, un-cancelled my home birth, and spent the whole day in agony over the decision. I started dousing myself with oils & taking fear & anxiety remedy by the fistfulls. By the end of the day I was still feeling crazy so I tried to cancel my home birth again...but this time, my midwife was a little more reluctant to let me just walk away...we talked a lot about what is REALLY going on.

I spent all day today trying not to think about anything and by this evening I am finally feeling much better. I don't want to analyze the options anymore that makes me nuts.

So the home birth is back on. Hopefully for good.

I have to arrange for a doula, a babysitter, and forget about relying on my husband, mom, or dad to be available 100% - sadly they all have other commitments that may mean they are unavailable when I go into labor.

I don't want to induce - I just don't want to.

Let's just hope the stars align and everything will turn out perfectly. My dh will be home, my mom and dad will be home, my doula will be great, and the kids will have a wonderful experience too.
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Old 01-12-2007, 03:13 AM   #27
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Re: should I cancel my home birth? is it worth it, money rant...

Hey, are you interested in taking on a student doula to save some cash? I would offer myself but Tuscon is a bit of a drive (LOL!), I can at least put out a want-ad in my birth circles to try and help you find a cheap or free doula! Just PM me-this goes for anyone else in Arizona as well.

I totally understand your fears. 100%. I am terrified of a hospital birth but I find myself having great anxiety over homebirth as well, I have a very very low pain tolerance and though I really don't want an epidural, I'm anxious. Really listen to yourself. Wherever you'll feel more comfortable is where you need to be, mama.
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