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Old 04-05-2014, 08:18 PM   #1
SimplyGreen
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Should I tell my homeschool group my son has Aspergers?

Well I have an almost 7yr old with Aspergers. He also has extreme social anxiety and a ton of sensory processing issues. He was dx when he was 3.5 and we have made a ton of progress, we attended a homeschooling group last year and things did not go so well, at the time we had an aba therapist helping but he was not ready most things ended in way over stimulation and destructive bx.

Recently we revisited the homeschooling group and had a successful hour and then it was time to go; he was getting overstimulated. (this is great progress for him) and he even participated some.

We had a few issues brought on by other mom asking my son to stay sitting in his seat, she seemed innocent in trying to help, but being told what to do by a stranger usually sets the tone. We also had to duck out early do to the project having food that is not allowed on our diet and I was unaware so I couldn't supplement something else to eat. We worked through it.

I know a few of the moms in this group casually, and they are aware that my son is on the spectrum from past experiences with us. But I'm wondering if I really need to label him for all the parents of the entire group? I kind of have a wall up and want to see him function to his best ability without the stigma of the dx. but also feel like it may be easier if everyone was aware of the situation (like the mom being so helpful) maybe they could be more understanding. One mom had asked me why we were on the diet and I told her for "just for health reasons", I really did not want my son's label to come flying out, but I also feel like I'm being fake as in they have no Idea about our life. I have two kids on the spectrum (other is 3.5) so I live and breath ASD, I can't even relate to normal.

This was only our first visit back to the group in over a year and I may be over thinking things a bit. but I really just want to find a place for him to fit in and hope that people would be tolerant with or without the label. But at the same time I want to make the experiences as successful as I can and maybe sharing it would help?

What would you do mamas?

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Old 04-05-2014, 08:34 PM   #2
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Re: Should I tell my homeschool group my son has Aspergers?

My oldest has aspergers. I don't keep it a secret, I feel it's important information for the adults in his life to know, because he isn't the same as everyone else. There are things that come easy, and things that do NOT. I also don't feel like his aspergers is something to be hidden or ashamed of... It's just part of who he is. He wouldn't be himself without the aspergers.
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Old 04-05-2014, 08:39 PM   #3
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Would you tell if he was diabetic or had a physical medical condition?

It is part of him and without telling them it can impact the success if re-entering the group. All you have to say is that he is on the spectrum. People are more understanding about behaviours if they know the whole picture.
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Old 04-09-2014, 10:16 PM   #4
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Re: Should I tell my homeschool group my son has Aspergers?

My son has HFA and we're part of a small homeschool group. I've always had the policy that I'd share his dx if I felt it would benefit him. With our group, I've ended up sharing it with each of the parents as situations came up that I thought would be better if they knew. They have been genuinely sensitive and understanding, even asking what they could do to help -- like if they should talk to their kids and how, offering me extra eyes (since I have a 3 yo to watch as well), etc. I don't feel like it has been negative in any way and I'm glad they know. I think people act better when they understand the reasoning behind things that appear unexpected and atypical. Sure, we'd all like to be accepted for our oddities regardless, but the world isn't perfect.

It's also helpful for the other parents to know when I show up with my entourage of ABA therapists and what-not, especially when one was a guy! The kids just know them as our "family friend" or "kid coach" or "friend that helps our family," but the parents at least don't have to be concerned about the 28 year old man following my son and all their boys around the park! For the kids that have needed more of an explanation (especially when they were getting frustrated with my son's bossiness or his aggressive moments), we simply explain we all have strengths and weaknesses -- some of us are good at math, but need more practice playing baseball. For my son, he's "learning how to be a good friend."

Some of the moms have become great team members in my son's therapy. They've come for play dates and lego club, and they and their kids have been great sports, dealing with the oddities of short organized play (we have them in and out in 30 minutes so it always ends on a good note! LOL) and my son's epic meltdowns. They've truly become his friend and enjoy "helping him learn to be a good friend."
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Old 04-14-2014, 06:24 PM   #5
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Re: Should I tell my homeschool group my son has Aspergers?

I probably would. I normally don't try to keep miranda's HFA a secret, but i don't shout it from the rooftops either, I think there's times to share it and times not to, and I'd hate to feel like I was using it as an excuse for her to get out of doing something (like when the other person was trying to get him to sit, announcing it then wouldn't of been great, KWIM? lol) I think it should be brought up at some point though for sure, if you are planning on making this a regular thing.
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Old 04-14-2014, 10:21 PM   #6
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Re: Should I tell my homeschool group my son has Aspergers?

My oldest has Asperger's as well. I no longer label him, because they often don't know what that means or come with their own ideas about it. Instead, I let caregivers/friends/parents of playdate partners/etc. know that he can get overstimulated sometimes, can't sit still for longer periods when understimulated, and sometimes needs help understanding social cues. If he's going to be dropped off with them, I also let them know how to calm him, stimulate him, or otherwise help him get along with his peers. It's a short conversation that helps everyone involved.
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Old 07-11-2014, 05:06 AM   #7
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Re: Should I tell my homeschool group my son has Aspergers?

I think you should tell that your son has aspergers because this will help you avoid many issues.
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Old 11-11-2014, 06:19 PM   #8
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Re: Should I tell my homeschool group my son has Aspergers?

I think it's good to let them know if it helps them understand.
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Old 11-30-2014, 09:40 PM   #9
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Re: Should I tell my homeschool group my son has Aspergers?

I'm on this board looking up stuff for a friend. I am a homeschooler and none of my kids have any health issues of this type.

A dear friend of mine, also in our homeschooling group, has 2 children on the spectrum and I am SO GLAD she told me, and others. Another mom DIDN'T know and lost her temper over some behaviors of her son in a group setting a while back. It was a really frustrating situation, and I felt it could have been avoided if her son's needs had been known to all the parents. That way, when something went wrong for her son, the other mom (I assume, that is!!!) would have been more sympathetic to the way he, well, lost it (for lack of a better description).

I facilitate a lot of groups and activities for our HS group and I am VERY glad when I know in advance if a child attending will need to be moving, given more leeway, etc.

Just my 2 cents!
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