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Old 01-21-2009, 07:31 AM   #1
mamadrea
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Cruel & Unusual?

So, we moved to a new city and I took DS to an indoor play ground for their open play time yesterday. I'm chatting with another mom (the one who invited us, actually) and notice that she has something odd around her wrist - like a little chain with a little board (maybe 1X6) attached. I'm kind of wondering what it is, but don't ask. She tells me lots about how her son (just turned two in Nov.) is aggressive and always has been, blah blah blah. From what I see, he is a pretty typical two year old. Anyway, a little while later, he sort of shoves another kid. Not anything crazy. If my son had done it, I would have done the whole "no, no, we don't hit, let's say we're sorry" type deal. Anyway, this mom says "hold our your hand" and the little guy does, and then she smacks it with the board. Not hard, but still. I was just blown away that she carries this thing with her and smacks her kid.

Now, I'll be honest, I was spanked a few times as a kid, and I'm not against spanking. However, only in dire circumstances, and never with an object. I smacked my little one's hand once with my hand, when he was trying to put something in an outlet.

Okay, so is this just something new that I don't get? Some new parenting tool that is supposed to be great? Or is it odd? I was really, really put off by it for some reason. Like, REALLY put off. I don't know why, but it upset me. Someone could tell me it is the best way to discipline your kids, but I don't think I could do it. Ever.

Just one more thing to add... my little guy (22 months) is pretty good-natured. He has a tantrum now and then, but heck, he's almost two and is trying to gain a little independence. Anyway, this mom asked me if he is always this good-natured, and I was like yeah, pretty much. Then I was thinking about it... my kid is covered in kisses, hugged, snuggled, loved, nursed, carried, etc. all the time. It just seems odd to fight aggression with aggression to me. I dunno.

Sorry for the long, rant-y post. I'm just so thrown off by this.

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Old 01-21-2009, 08:02 AM   #2
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Re: Cruel & Unusual?

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Originally Posted by mamadrea View Post
Anyway, this mom asked me if he is always this good-natured, and I was like yeah, pretty much.
"Yeah, because I don't hit him with a freaking mini-board!"

Seriously I would have been appalled too. I assume the board will grow larger as her child does? It's just disgusting. Violence is no way to teach your child to... not be violent! Ugh.

I've been in that position before when people fawn over my happy and good-natured daughter as if it's all some stroke of magical luck. Yes, I am incredibly lucky, but I also don't practice that kind of punitive parenting.
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Old 01-21-2009, 08:37 AM   #3
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Re: Cruel & Unusual?

Yeah, that's weird to me. But some people just don't know what to do. My son was a biter for about a year and it was insane, we tried a lot of things that we said we would NEVER do because we couldn't get it to stop, and he'd bite ANYONE! So you never know exactly what is going on, maybe the kid was really crazy before and has just now simmered down. I mean it still is weird she wears this whacking instrument as a bracelet, and I wouldn't whack my kid with something, but... as you described it I wouldn't call it cruel. Just kind of weird and she probably doesn't know what to do. Maybe if you see her again you can kind of mention what you do when your DS acts up and give her some alternative ideas.
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Old 01-21-2009, 08:51 AM   #4
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Re: Cruel & Unusual?

yah thats weird to me too. I know some kids get it with the belt. DH did. I just think that is cruel.
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Old 01-21-2009, 09:02 AM   #5
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Re: Cruel & Unusual?

Weird We do occassionally spank, if someone is being exceptionally naughty (as in coloring all over our walls with a sharpie marker ) but NEVER with an object-I was hit with hangers, belts, tree branches, wooden spoons, slapped in the face etc as a child and I still remember it-and don't have a good relationship with my mom today, partly because of it. Not cool! Sara

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Old 01-21-2009, 09:13 AM   #6
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Re: Cruel & Unusual?

That's sad. Whatever the reason she had, I hope that child isn't being mistreated.. maybe if you see her again you can get a better idea of what's going on..
Personally, if I saw a pattern in her "cruel" behavior toward her child, I'd report it... but not off just that first observation..
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Old 01-21-2009, 09:25 AM   #7
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Re: Cruel & Unusual?

Wow that is totally odd to me.

I agree to fight agression with agression seems a bit odd. How is he going to learn to apologize if she doesn't push the issue? or even learn to calm down to understand his actions? A slap on the hand works occasionally but as a constant form of discipline, hmm.... The only time I have ever seen something like that used was with special needs and that was SEVERAL years ago.

I think I would have had to say something to the mother. LOL
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Old 01-21-2009, 09:34 AM   #8
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Re: Cruel & Unusual?

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Originally Posted by momtoalmost3 View Post
Weird We do occassionally spank, if someone is being exceptionally naughty (as in coloring all over our walls with a sharpie marker ) but NEVER with an object-I was hit with hangers, belts, tree branches, wooden spoons, slapped in the face etc as a child and I still remember it-and don't have a good relationship with my mom today, partly because of it. Not cool! Sara
I'm ss for you mama!

Dh had belt BEATINGS My mom had a switch (thin stick from a tree) that we were spanked with, but was never much.

I have heard of people wearing a rubber band on thier wrist and snapping it everytime they got angry, or wanted a smoke, or a drink or whatever behavior they are trying to change, but not to a kid.

Like a pp said, we don't know what went on before hand, and maybe this was part of his behavioral therepy, like shrink recommended? still seems odd tho, my 3 YO's behavioral therepist teaches her calming exercises and to pull her self inside her "turtle shell" take deep breaths and calm down, then to sit, turn on her ears, look directly at me and keep hands in her lap while I explain to her the rules and then to time out.

That lady has worked wonders with that kid!!!!
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Old 01-21-2009, 10:19 AM   #9
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Re: Cruel & Unusual?

WOW totally weird.
No idea what state your in but in California it's illegal to hit a child with anything but an open hand, no switches no wooden spoons nothing.
I know many years ago my friend used to carry a wooden spoon around in her purse. If her boys started acting up, she'd just start to pull it out and they fell in line. I remember she was told by someone from CPS it was illegal and she stopped carrying it about. I don't think she stopped using it in the house though, but she never mentioned it again.
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Old 01-21-2009, 12:54 PM   #10
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Re: Cruel & Unusual?

yeah, its wierd... we spank, it works for us. she (Odd) gets spanked a lot less with our new "system" (we give gold star for good things and an x for bad things like misbehaving, telling us no or lying) but she still gets a spanking like if she gets 3 x's in a row for the same thing then she will get a spanking. but thats only like once a week, and never ever with an object
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