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Old 06-28-2015, 08:32 PM   #1
dressagemom
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Need some ideas for 5 yr. old

I am at a loss. My DD is 5. She has been out of diapers for quite a while, but makes a choice to pee her pants several times a week. She knows exactly what she is doing, she can control it, but she chooses to either pee or poop in her pants (usually pee).

We've tried everything we can think of to help her:

-- charts
-- threats
-- rewards
-- ignoring it
-- special activities with either me or DH
-- talking to her to understand and/or help her (she says she just doesn't want to stop what she is doing to use the bathroom).
-- removing privileges (she is very strong-willed, and will say something to the effect of "oh, well I don't really like doing that anyway").

She still bedwets at night, but that bothers me less than the wet pants during the day. I have never met a child who is so strong-willed, and can just decide to do or not do something, or that she doesn't like something that she really does like (like her bike or ice cream, lol).

I would love to hear some input from anyone who has dealt with something similar.

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Old 06-28-2015, 09:59 PM   #2
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Re: Need some ideas for 5 yr. old

Do you make her clean up the mess? Instead of just taking off the panties, make her hand-wash them in the sink, maybe? Or better yet, the toilet (with clean water in it, of course). Maybe the ick factor would get her to stop.
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Old 06-28-2015, 10:47 PM   #3
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Re: Need some ideas for 5 yr. old

I have a strong willed DD also (just turned six). Her heel digger was wiping. I actually posted to request help a month or so ago as I was at my wits end. She would go number two in the potty but insist that she needed help wiping. She HATES getting dirty with germs, dirt is ok. We also tried all you have listed. It took about a week of NOT giving in, and sometimes she spent an hour or more begging, pleading, bribing, yelling etc on the potty. She did miss out on a lot of fun activities that "she didn't want to do anyway" but eventually she cracked. She had a bit of a melt down and realized she was not getting anywhere. I explained I was trying to raise her and train her so she could enjoy lots of fun big girl activities, not trying to ultimately punish her. She humbly requested one last wiping. I thought it might be a trick, but I honored her request and made a big deal over the last ceremonial wiping of the fanny (with corny royal trumpet sound effects even). Told her I was proud of her and she hasn't asked again since!

So long story, but the important part is that this will eventually pass.

For her situation, I agree with PP on having her clean up. Maybe also a long time out? I would think the key might be to point out the punishment takes FAR LONGER than just going potty.

I might also recommend a package of dove chocolates for you to "take as needed" during the final battle days, it is rough =)

Good luck!
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Old 06-29-2015, 11:46 AM   #4
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Re: Need some ideas for 5 yr. old

A friend had a child that was like that so she took away the activity that he was 'too busy' doing to go. If he was playing with Legos, then she took the Legos away for the week. He freaked out but she didn't give in. After a few weeks the kid finally relented and took the time to go. Even if she says she doesn't care, she does, she is just trying to make you think she doesn't and give into her.
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Old 06-30-2015, 09:20 PM   #5
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Re: Need some ideas for 5 yr. old

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tshebby View Post
I have a strong willed DD also (just turned six). Her heel digger was wiping. I actually posted to request help a month or so ago as I was at my wits end. She would go number two in the potty but insist that she needed help wiping. She HATES getting dirty with germs, dirt is ok. We also tried all you have listed. It took about a week of NOT giving in, and sometimes she spent an hour or more begging, pleading, bribing, yelling etc on the potty. She did miss out on a lot of fun activities that "she didn't want to do anyway" but eventually she cracked. She had a bit of a melt down and realized she was not getting anywhere. I explained I was trying to raise her and train her so she could enjoy lots of fun big girl activities, not trying to ultimately punish her. She humbly requested one last wiping. I thought it might be a trick, but I honored her request and made a big deal over the last ceremonial wiping of the fanny (with corny royal trumpet sound effects even). Told her I was proud of her and she hasn't asked again since!

So long story, but the important part is that this will eventually pass.

For her situation, I agree with PP on having her clean up. Maybe also a long time out? I would think the key might be to point out the punishment takes FAR LONGER than just going potty.

I might also recommend a package of dove chocolates for you to "take as needed" during the final battle days, it is rough =)

Good luck!

I've had her clean up. She doesn't care. She will just say, "Oh well."



Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Laura~ View Post
A friend had a child that was like that so she took away the activity that he was 'too busy' doing to go. If he was playing with Legos, then she took the Legos away for the week. He freaked out but she didn't give in. After a few weeks the kid finally relented and took the time to go. Even if she says she doesn't care, she does, she is just trying to make you think she doesn't and give into her.

We've removed those activities that "caused" her to not be able to make it to the bathroom on time. She will say, "Oh, that's ok. I don't really like that anyway." Which we know isn't true, but how do you argue with that?

Seriously, she is the toughest nut I've seen! My MIL (a former teacher and administrator) suggested something that I think we'll try. She said when she had particularly difficult children in her classroom, she would negotiate a deal with them: she would give them a coveted class job that only they were allowed to do, AS LONG AS they did whatever it was she wanted them to do (usually one or two specific behaviours she was trying to achieve, not as in a blank check to get them to do anything at all.). She said it was almost always very successful. As #5, DH and I thought it might be something that would help DD to feel like she has some control over her life.
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Old 06-30-2015, 09:38 PM   #6
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Re: Need some ideas for 5 yr. old

Seriously, she is the toughest nut I've seen! My MIL (a former teacher and administrator) suggested something that I think we'll try. She said when she had particularly difficult children in her classroom, she would negotiate a deal with them: she would give them a coveted class job that only they were allowed to do, AS LONG AS they did whatever it was she wanted them to do (usually one or two specific behaviours she was trying to achieve, not as in a blank check to get them to do anything at all.). She said it was almost always very successful. As #5, DH and I thought it might be something that would help DD to feel like she has some control over her life.[/QUOTE]


That sounds like a great plan! Please let us know how it goes.
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Old 09-13-2015, 12:51 AM   #7
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Re: Need some ideas for 5 yr. old

Hey I know this post is older but wanted to know if you finally had success?
My DD was close to 5.5 and was still having multiple messy accidents a day and NEVER dry over night. She seemed to stay dry alright but the poop accidents were driving me batty. I had not idea how to handle things other than I permanently had her back in pull ups becaus I couldnt deal with the mess and I was all over dealing with the washing. i went through threats rewards brides ignoring it etc... nothing seemed to help. She do well for a few days maybe then bam straight back. I went back and forth with believing she just wasn't ware to her being lazy and stubborn.. All she'd tell me was I didn't know mama...
One day after getting angry that she again soiled her self and having her sit on the potty (to finish) she started talking to her self saying. What is wrong with me what is wrong with me. It broke my heart... I decided that we needed help and a few weeks latter I made an appointment with her doctor. (we were out of town at the time)..
THe doctor suggested removing gluten. since she already had a known MSG allergy it wasn't a far fetched idea. I was willing to try anything...
two weeks into the removal miracles happened... Bu three weeks she stopped all day time accidents. I didn't have to help her "train" at all she could simpily follow her body clues and she knew what to do. One day she came and told me MOMMY my tummy doesn't hurt anymore! I had no clue it had been and I'm not even sure if she knew... She knows now though..
She still about 70/30 staying totally dry overnight but even thats been a huge improvement. She used to wake with messy pull ups and that were flooded and heavy with pee. No a days she wakes up dry mostly but she sometiems has small pee accidents overnight. Still she has been diaper/pull up free for about a 8 weeks now..Last real accident August 13th (yes I totally remember when it all got better!)
One day I'll get her officially tested but for now her success is proof enough there was something more going on. I feel bad now of course for all the times I accused her of doing it on purpose or being lazy.
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Old 09-13-2015, 04:53 PM   #8
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Re: Need some ideas for 5 yr. old

Also on the medical side, is constipation causing wetting accidents. Body can't process the signals correctly so that otherwise potty trained kids don't know to go head to the bathroom. It's often a simple thing to solve, give them free reign on the fruit for a week or two to get back on the right track, and then you have to figure out healthy ways to keep up the fiber intake.
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Old 10-30-2015, 08:04 PM   #9
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Re: Need some ideas for 5 yr. old

Months later, we have solved the problem, I think. At her yearly check-up, I asked the Dr. to run a urinalysis, just to rule out any physical causes of incontinence. It turned out that DD had a UTI. After a week of abx, she was completely dry during the day. I feel horrible that I put her through so much trying to get her stay dry. I'm just glad that we figured out what the problem is, and that it seems to be solved.
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Old 06-15-2016, 08:26 PM   #10
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Re: Need some ideas for 5 yr. old

I have a 4-year-old who is very strong willed also. She knows when she has to go, and even will tell me, but refuses to use the potty - still in diapers. She says she's afraid of the flushing, and of course I have offered so many alternatives to that, including several potties that she chose. She keeps saying she will use the potty when "I'm older". I'm at wits end.
I have tried all sorts of charts, treats, bribes, you name it. I could use help as well!
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