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Old 02-17-2014, 11:10 AM   #1
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Co-sleeping transition (LONG)

Ok so I'm at a standstill and not sure what to do.

Here's the scenario: DH and I have king bed. The girls room has a twin bed and a crib mattress, on the floor pushed together.

History: DD2 was sleeping with us, and DD1 slept in her own room on the twin bed. but DD1 recently started coming in bed with us in the middle of the night. There is sadly not enough room for everyone in the king bed because of the flip-flopping around...plus it ends up with DH on one half of the bed and myself and both girls squished on the other half. So we moved the crib mattress into our room on the floor and put DD1 onto that. However, after a few months, she started coming up into our bed again in the middle of the night. So I then took her twin bed off the frame, put the crib mattress back into her room on the floor next to the twin. I moved both girls into that room and ended up sleeping in there with DD2 and I on the twin and DD1 on the crib mattress. Not ideal, not comfy, but was working. Then DH got upset that I wasn't coming into our room anymore. So...I started putting the girls down then coming in there, sleeping till DD2 would wake up to nurse about 1-2am and going back in the girls room. But that makes mama tired because I found I wasn't able to fall asleep because I was anticipating her waking up. Then she started waking earlier and earlier each night. Plus, I started getting pissed that myself and the girls were sleeping on these small mattresses and DH has the king all to himself. Anyway, he suggested when DD2 wakes, just bring her into our bed. So last night I did that, and of course twenty mins later, here comes dd1. And I sleep horribly, and so does everyone else. DH is adamantly opposed to putting our king bed on the floor and putting the twin next to it (my solution at this point). He is also opposed to sleeping on the twin and letting us have the king. He is also opposed to me just sleeping in the girls' room so everyone gets sleep (my back up solution).

Dd2 is not ready to night wean, maybe by late spring. She's been sick all winter and i don't want to take that on until after she turns two and is also healthy again. I despise not getting good sleep and will do anything to just get to sleep through the night. So I'm also putting it off, I suppose. Any thoughts/advice?

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Old 02-17-2014, 11:23 AM   #2
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Re: Co-sleeping transition (LONG)

Would dh be able to get dd1 back to bed when she comes in your room? My older ones don't fight dh as much about getting back into their beds, especially if they are still pretty sleepy.
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Old 02-17-2014, 11:30 AM   #3
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How old are your girls? My girls are 4 and 21 months and I can imagine my 4 yo would not understand why little sister could sleep in Mommy and Daddy's bed and she couldn't. I think you have to decide with your husband what result you want, but to me it sounds like ending cosleeping and getting the girls to sleep in their room alone would satisfy your husband and help you all get more rest. I night weaned my DD2 in December and it went much easier than I anticipated...it is worth a try. Within a week of soothing her by singing, cuddling and rocking instead of nursing she went from waking 2 or 3 times a night to sleeping 11 hours. Make a plan of the changes you need to make and commit to sticking it out for a week. Establishing a new routine will be hard for a few days but it will be worth it. I recommend using a chair or glider instead of laying down with your DD2 during the transition :-) Good luck!
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Old 02-17-2014, 11:44 AM   #4
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Re: Co-sleeping transition (LONG)

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Originally Posted by juliasmom View Post
Establishing a new routine will be hard for a few days but it will be worth it. I recommend using a chair or glider instead of laying down with your DD2 during the transition :-) Good luck!
I agree with this. If you have time built into your night time routine that involves cuddling/reading stories, and ensuring that everyone feels loved, it makes things go easier. My oldest slept in my bed with hub until she was 4. I slept in the guest room the last couple of months, because I was tired of elbows in my eye. It was not good. We talked to a counselor a few times, and finally got a new routine that would work, so that everyone could be where they're supposed to, and nobody felt 'dissed'. 2nd daughter was ready to sleep on her own at 6 months. 3rd daughter (who is now four) is still in and out of our bed on occasion, but I decked out her twin with princess sheets, so she likes sleeping there. The oldest and middle still sleep together in a twin bed. Considering separating them, as they get way too chatty at night, then are crabby in the AM.

Just keeping trying different things...something will work eventually.
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Old 02-17-2014, 02:09 PM   #5
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Re: Co-sleeping transition (LONG)

How often is DD2 waking to nurse at night? If it is only once, I suggest taking her somewhere else to nurse (like PP said) like a rocker, not in a bed at all. When she's finished, put her back in her bed and you go back to yours. And yes to having DH deal with DD1 as far as taking her back to her bed when she comes to yours.

While I understand that cosleeping works for many families, I also believe that good sleep is important to EVERYONE, and a night full of interruptions is not going to be restful for any of you.

You and your DH need to come up with a plan of attack, so to speak, and stick with it until your girls are able to form their new sleep habits.
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Old 02-17-2014, 03:12 PM   #6
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You all have given very helpful advice, thank you. When she is waking to nurse, it's more for comfort than for nourishment. Once she wakes the initial time, she can wake multiple times after that. Sometimes 5+ times. She nurses to sleep for naps and bedtime.

If I do wean at night, should I change that? Or could I keep doing that but just not nurse after "bedtime?"

I do not think DD1 would be ok with DH taking her back to bed. She would cry until I came and either laid with her or brought her back in with us.
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Old 02-17-2014, 03:39 PM   #7
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Re: Co-sleeping transition (LONG)

If you are not comfortable with night-weaning yet, you don't have to. You can eliminate the unwanted times without weaning completely (I did this with DD1 when she was about 9 months old -- nursing was her sleep association, so every time she woke she needed to nurse back to sleep. I nursed her in my bed at one pre-determined time each night, then returned her to her crib. The other times she woke I took her to the living room to rock. Once she was falling asleep via rocking I stopped that and instead held her by her crib for a few minutes then laid her back down. Then I stopped getting her up altogether -- I'd just pat her back for a couple of minutes. It took a couple of weeks altogether but it successfully eliminated all but that one feeding. HOnestly though, had she been older I would have let her CIO. But I realize not everyone is comfortable with CIO.)

As for your oldest, can you set up some kind of reward system? A sticker chart or something where she gets a sticker for every night she stays in her bed, and after so many nights she gets a little reward? Then you can stretch out the sticker to reward ratio -- maybe the first night gets its own reward, then 3 nights in a row, then 5 nights, etc.
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Old 02-17-2014, 04:18 PM   #8
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Re: Co-sleeping transition (LONG)

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Originally Posted by crazyeyesmcgee View Post
I do not think DD1 would be ok with DH taking her back to bed. She would cry until I came and either laid with her or brought her back in with us.
I think you should try it. Especially since your DH is shooting down all of your suggestions I think he needs to get involved and do some of the hard work.

You may be surprised too, when we change going to sleep patterns it goes much easier if DH makes the change since I'm the one putting DD to bed and going to her when she wakes at night 99% of the time. Sure she still has a fit at first but the adjustment goes much faster than with me doing it because she doesn't have a pattern established with DH so the change is not so big. Then I can pick up what DH started doing and just keep it up (again with some complaints at first but overall it goes much better).
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