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Old 05-14-2007, 08:24 AM   #1
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How to use positive reinforcement when....

....it ticks my kid off! When DS is being naughty, we tell him what we expect of him. And IF we can get him to do what is expected, we praise the heck out of him. BUT when we praise him, it makes him mad and then he starts acting up again. WTH? How are we supposed to tell him when he's doing something good if he's going to react that way?

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Old 05-14-2007, 09:49 AM   #2
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Re: How to use positive reinforcement when....

maybe back off of the excessive praise. He may be getting embarrassed at the amount of attention you are putting on him. When he does what is expected tell him he is a good boy and thank him. Do it very simply.

I do this with Ayden because he is the same way. He is very low key and while he loves to be the center of attention, he does not like excessive praise. At night just before bed, I thank him for being such a good boy. I give him a big hug and tell him I forgive him for the naughty things he did that day, and I apologize for if I lost my temper or was cranky whatever, we give eachother a hug, I remind him that God made him special, and he gets a HUGE smile on his face and then goes to bed. It is very low key and he does not get embarrassed. Otherwise, I will do things like a thumbs up to him when he is doing well, something that he sees but is not excessive. Just small praises like that.
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Old 05-14-2007, 10:14 AM   #3
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Re: How to use positive reinforcement when....

My instinct would be that he is feeling like when he pushes too hard against your boundaries, there are not enough consequences. Does that make sense? Like why are you praising me when I never had a consequence. I believe in gentle discipline, but kids do need boundaries to know they are loved. They will keep pushing until then.

I may be totally off the mark, though.

Have you asked your son what makes him feel loved, or what *he* thinks should happen if he makes the wrong choice? Oh, wait, your Elijah is just 3 yrs old? That might not work for him LOL!

I love the book, The Five Love Languages of Children.
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Old 05-14-2007, 12:45 PM   #4
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Re: How to use positive reinforcement when....

Oh believe me, he KNOWS the boundaries. I may check out that book. I read the original, and liked it. Thanks ladies!

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Originally Posted by tmolly View Post
My instinct would be that he is feeling like when he pushes too hard against your boundaries, there are not enough consequences. Does that make sense? Like why are you praising me when I never had a consequence. I believe in gentle discipline, but kids do need boundaries to know they are loved. They will keep pushing until then.

I may be totally off the mark, though.

Have you asked your son what makes him feel loved, or what *he* thinks should happen if he makes the wrong choice? Oh, wait, your Elijah is just 3 yrs old? That might not work for him LOL!

I love the book, The Five Love Languages of Children.
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Old 05-14-2007, 01:23 PM   #5
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Re: How to use positive reinforcement when....

Positive reinforcement is anything that is positive TO THE CHILD (not meaning to yell, just emphasis...)! Just because we think praise is positive, doesn't mean that your child does. Sometimes you just have to watch and see what they like or respond to and do that. They may like something non-verbal like a little scratch on the back or something.

That's how my 6 year old is - he hates anything verbal and argues that he did NOT do a good job. But he likes to snuggle, so we try to reward him with something physical (snuggle on the couch and watch a movie, or just rubbing his arm...) instead of verbal.



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