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Old 04-08-2013, 02:38 PM   #1
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my husband hates fat people

I've been really distracted and depressed the past few days over this comment. He's embarrassed of me. He's not abusive or mean in any way but matter of factly tells me I'm too big, he hates fat people, it grosses him out. We have a great relationship and get along great... it's just this one issue. We've been together since I was 22 and I'll be 30 this summer.

He always reminds me that I already had 3 kids when he met me and I was fit and athletic and that's what he likes. He doesn't want to be with an overweight person. I've had a 4th child now (actually wondering if I may have gotten pregnant over Easter but that's another thread) and need to lose 30 pounds to get back where I was when he met me and where I had energy and was active.

I guess I just feel shamed and embarrassed that he feels this way. And like I said, he isn't exactly mean hes just black and white about it. Its like he doesn't think this is what I "really" am even though I've been overweight a couple years now. It seems to me that breastfeeding for 3 years messed up my metabolism if that's possible...... I just wish I could "snap out of it" like he thinks I can.

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Old 04-08-2013, 02:40 PM   #2
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Re: my husband hates fat people

Age and pregnancy can mess with your metabolism. I think he needs to get help because his attitude isn't healthy. There may come a time when he winds up weighing more than he should.
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Old 04-08-2013, 02:45 PM   #3
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Re: my husband hates fat people

Can you have a heart to heart talk to him and let him know that you would appreciate your support more than his criticism?

I was thin when I met DH, and after having 2 kids, I'm struggling to lose the weight. DH is naturally thin with a super fast metabolism, so he doesn't understand how it makes me feel when he looks at pictures of us and comments on how thin I used to be.

I started losing weight before my last pregnancy after DH became more supportive and understanding about it. (((hugs)))
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Old 04-08-2013, 02:48 PM   #4
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Sounds like there are two seperate issues here.

1) It's fair for him to be honest about his preference for you to be in better shape. As long as he's also doing everything he can to support you in being healthy. If he's just complaining and being an *** about it he needs to grow up and shut up. Is he willing to watch the kids while you exercise? Is he willing to help support healthy eating habits? If yes, then great.

2) Taking care of your physical health/fitness is important, and it has to be something you do for yourself, not just to make him happy. See your doctor and find out if there is anything going on that would make losing weight more difficult. Hypothyroid is common after pregnancy and would make weight loss difficult. Once you address/rule out health issues then figure out what plan works best for you to achieve your ideal weight.
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Old 04-08-2013, 02:58 PM   #5
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Re: my husband hates fat people

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Originally Posted by BeccaSueCongdon View Post
Sounds like there are two seperate issues here.

1) It's fair for him to be honest about his preference for you to be in better shape. As long as he's also doing everything he can to support you in being healthy. If he's just complaining and being an *** about it he needs to grow up and shut up. Is he willing to watch the kids while you exercise? Is he willing to help support healthy eating habits? If yes, then great.

2) Taking care of your physical health/fitness is important, and it has to be something you do for yourself, not just to make him happy. See your doctor and find out if there is anything going on that would make losing weight more difficult. Hypothyroid is common after pregnancy and would make weight loss difficult. Once you address/rule out health issues then figure out what plan works best for you to achieve your ideal weight.
I completely agree. I know my dh does not find overweight attractive. I gained a lot when I had dd and he was more than happy to watch her so I could exercise or he would go with me on walks when I didn't want to put forth the effort. It made us both happier.
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Old 04-08-2013, 03:00 PM   #6
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Re: my husband hates fat people

My hubby is the same way, although he is the one who needs to lose weight now. He complained how I would never bounce back from number 4 at my age. I weigh less than when we met now. I worked hard, treated my thyroid and PCOS, and lost for me. I get when you say he is not mean, it is just the way it is. I used to get really bummed out when I was heavier as I knew he loved me and we still had a great sex life, but he rather I had been that cute, thin thing like when we first met.
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Old 04-08-2013, 03:06 PM   #7
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Re: my husband hates fat people

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Originally Posted by l_Kimmie_l View Post
My hubby is the same way, although he is the one who needs to lose weight now. He complained how I would never bounce back from number 4 at my age. I weigh less than when we met now. I worked hard, treated my thyroid and PCOS, and lost for me. I get when you say he is not mean, it is just the way it is. I used to get really bummed out when I was heavier as I knew he loved me and we still had a great sex life, but he rather I had been that cute, thin thing like when we first met.
Your completely getting me here. It's just sad that I feel ashamed like I'm letting us both down :-(
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Old 04-08-2013, 03:17 PM   #8
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Re: my husband hates fat people

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Your completely getting me here. It's just sad that I feel ashamed like I'm letting us both down :-(
That is how I felt too. His aim was not to make me feel bad, but I always felt as if I failed. How old is your LO now? Are you nursing?
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Old 04-08-2013, 03:24 PM   #9
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Re: my husband hates fat people

No I'm not. He's 4 1/2 now. I also have 8, 10, and 11 year old from previous marriage. Like he says I looked "too young to have kids" "you don't look like you've had kids" all that jazz that young mothers get when he met me. I was also working a very physical job when me met and I've been a nanny/stay at home mom for 6 years now.
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Old 04-08-2013, 04:36 PM   #10
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Re: my husband hates fat people

I am a SAHM too. I got injured in 2006 and could no longer be active. It really made it hard to lose weight. I lingered at 30 lbs above where I wanted to be. I finally started counting calories and it has been quite successful.
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