UPDATE post #33 Custody/Visitation questions VERY LONG (SORRY)

[mcpforever]

Originally Posted by shanree Well, he spoke with our lawyer and he said he did not believe a "preemptive strike" was neccessary. Les pulled the decree back out and read it line for line and it actually says "first 3 weeks of june and first 3 weeks of August" and in another part it says that visitation cannot interfere with schooling. The triplets will be home schooled by me this year and I guess a judge could say they should go and I could just start school at the end of August with them, but Naomi is going to a private school that starts early in August so she wouldn't be able to.... and she DOES NOT want the triplets by herself... she wants Naomi be there to watch them while she works and when she gets home to 'play her game.' The lawyer said that she already missed out on the first 3 weeks of june part and if she filed something now she would only look like an idiot to the judge when he realized she was not supposed to have them at the time she was filing for anyway. Also... she emailed Les yesterday saying she did not want to go to court and wanted to know what she had to do to see the kids. He told her she was welcome at any time to come here to see them, but that he did not feel safe in sending them there. She has not replied to him.... but she did tell Naomi on the phone that she didn't want to go to court because her lawyer told her that the judge would most likely make her begin paying child support. That part made me mad... I can't believe she still wants the right to randomly and sporadically bounce in and out of their lives and cause chaos but does not want to put one red cent toward their support.

Good for you for the lawyer consult. As for the 3 weeks in August, IF there weren't issues of suspected neglect on your end, I would honestly agree to move those three weeks earlier to compensate for the early school starting. However, since it appears that there is some neglect going on, I would stick to the agreement word for word. I'd even "volunteer" to send the triplets without Naomi, knowing that they wouldn't be accepted, but so that I could say that I attempted to allow her to fulfill her visitation rights.

[mommy2kaitlyn]

Originally Posted by Janine YOU need to initiate a court date. If you feel that the current situation isn't working and that the kids are not being cared for properly, you need to take her to court. Not only to let the judge know why you are hesitant to fulfill the original agreement, but also to ask for a new agreement. You are living in a stable home and can provide stable care for the kids. Honestly, every state is different and judges can have their biases, but I find it highly unlikely that you will risk any custody by taking her to court. I have not been through a custody dispute, and the only info I have is watching my friend go through his custody dispute. During the divorce he was granted custody of his son (his wife had also run off with some random guy in another state and was drinking and partying like she was some college kid). She later decided that she wanted more visitations with her kid, who she had previously ignored. She took my friend to court and the judge all but laughed her out of court telling her that he would never grant her custody. It helped that their son was about 11 at the time. He was old enough to give his input to the judge, and let him know how his mother was acting (something I really hope your step-daughter will be allowed to share with the judge as well). Anyhow, I say get a lawyer (if you don't already have one) and file for a hearing with the judge. The current arrangement isn't being followed by the ex, and you both (rightfully) feel that it is no longer in the best interest of the children. Don't let her file and claim that you are not following the rules. Go to the judge yourself and tell him/her that the current judgment is not working and needs to change. It is imperative that you not be found in contempt of court, and the easiest way to do that is to remedy this with the judge now.

I totally agree with this. If she takes you to court she can file in her county and get a temp hearing and get temp custody of the kids possibly if she decides to lie to the judge. You won't know about this til cops are on your door step with her taking the kids. It can get very nasty and dirty if you don't make the first move.
You won't lose custody you may gain alot of it back.
And as my class said document document document. Ever single call time and date, what the friend said about her watching the kids, etc. times you met up and when she brought them back date and time so that the judge can see she hasn't exercised her right to be with the kids so far.

[mommy2kaitlyn]

Originally Posted by shanree Well, he spoke with our lawyer and he said he did not believe a "preemptive strike" was neccessary. Les pulled the decree back out and read it line for line and it actually says "first 3 weeks of june and first 3 weeks of August" and in another part it says that visitation cannot interfere with schooling. The triplets will be home schooled by me this year and I guess a judge could say they should go and I could just start school at the end of August with them, but Naomi is going to a private school that starts early in August so she wouldn't be able to.... and she DOES NOT want the triplets by herself... she wants Naomi be there to watch them while she works and when she gets home to 'play her game.' The lawyer said that she already missed out on the first 3 weeks of june part and if she filed something now she would only look like an idiot to the judge when he realized she was not supposed to have them at the time she was filing for anyway. Also... she emailed Les yesterday saying she did not want to go to court and wanted to know what she had to do to see the kids. He told her she was welcome at any time to come here to see them, but that he did not feel safe in sending them there. She has not replied to him.... but she did tell Naomi on the phone that she didn't want to go to court because her lawyer told her that the judge would most likely make her begin paying child support. That part made me mad... I can't believe she still wants the right to randomly and sporadically bounce in and out of their lives and cause chaos but does not want to put one red cent toward their support.

Do you want her to be able to do that? I would take her to court. Maybe she will be able to let you adopt them if then she doesn't have to pay. And yes child support would be dealt with.

[shanree]

Originally Posted by mommy2kaitlyn I totally agree with this. If she takes you to court she can file in her county and get a temp hearing and get temp custody of the kids possibly if she decides to lie to the judge. You won't know about this til cops are on your door step with her taking the kids. It can get very nasty and dirty if you don't make the first move. You won't lose custody you may gain alot of it back. And as my class said document document document. Ever single call time and date, what the friend said about her watching the kids, etc. times you met up and when she brought them back date and time so that the judge can see she hasn't exercised her right to be with the kids so far.

His lawyer told us that no matter who filed it would be in held here in Alabama rather than in her state. Her lawyer is also in alabama (the one she used for the divorce) Also... ALL of the wording of the visitation times/dates was her doing... she willing gave custody to Les without a fight and had her own lawyer draw up the papers with the exact times and dates of visitation she wanted.
ALSO... his lawyer pointed out that in the divorce decree it states that "the wife is contemplating a move to TENNESSEE, it the wife moves to TENNESSEE the husband agrees to meet one half the distance to exchange children for visitation." well, she only stayed in Tennessee for 2 months and then met this other guy and is living in Mississippi now. So the lawyer pointed out that asking her to come here did not put us in the 'wrong' because Les had agreed to drive one half the distance when she was moving to Tennessee but Mississippi was never discussed and more importantly never put in writing and agreed upon.
I really do not want to have to drag anything through court so we are taking the lawyers advice and going to wait a little bit and see... she is really scared of the thought of paying child support and as long as she kees things quiet and doesn't take anything back to court for a judge to see that she has been working all this time and has yet to establish support... she feels free and clear of support.

[Dolphin_Medic]

I'm glad you had the legal consult. It sounds like your H's lawyer is familiar with his case and has given you advice you're comfortable with and sounds like reasonable advice. Good luck with everything.

[mommy2kaitlyn]

Originally Posted by shanree His lawyer told us that no matter who filed it would be in held here in Alabama rather than in her state. Her lawyer is also in alabama (the one she used for the divorce) Also... ALL of the wording of the visitation times/dates was her doing... she willing gave custody to Les without a fight and had her own lawyer draw up the papers with the exact times and dates of visitation she wanted. ALSO... his lawyer pointed out that in the divorce decree it states that "the wife is contemplating a move to TENNESSEE, it the wife moves to TENNESSEE the husband agrees to meet one half the distance to exchange children for visitation." well, she only stayed in Tennessee for 2 months and then met this other guy and is living in Mississippi now. So the lawyer pointed out that asking her to come here did not put us in the 'wrong' because Les had agreed to drive one half the distance when she was moving to Tennessee but Mississippi was never discussed and more importantly never put in writing and agreed upon. I really do not want to have to drag anything through court so we are taking the lawyers advice and going to wait a little bit and see... she is really scared of the thought of paying child support and as long as she kees things quiet and doesn't take anything back to court for a judge to see that she has been working all this time and has yet to establish support... she feels free and clear of support.

I would be ready at a moments notice(always have money on hand). State laws are different anywhere, but yeah go with attorney, I wrote that before reading about it. I just know if i had DD in SD and ex filed anything in KY it would be heard there first then i would get notice and I could get it transferred or something. Even in same state there are sneaky hearings all the time with custody stuff. Stinks to.

My divorce just was final today and I tell you I don't want to go back in there again. It was amblicable to. But if I have to I will.

Keep documenting and very detailed. I learned that in our families in transition class.

[shanree]

Originally Posted by mommy2kaitlyn I would be ready at a moments notice(always have money on hand). State laws are different anywhere, but yeah go with attorney, I wrote that before reading about it. I just know if i had DD in SD and ex filed anything in KY it would be heard there first then i would get notice and I could get it transferred or something. Even in same state there are sneaky hearings all the time with custody stuff. Stinks to. My divorce just was final today and I tell you I don't want to go back in there again. It was amblicable to. But if I have to I will. Keep documenting and very detailed. I learned that in our families in transition class.

I am not familiar with what AL laws are... but I trust that the lawyer is... I sure hope so .... As for the documenting... we have done that... although there is not much to document, she has only seen them those 6 times and only calls to talk to Naomi on Naomi's personal phone... all that takes is a phone record pull.
As for money... we live paycheck to paycheck and rarely ever have extra on hand BUT thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Les' father is a very wealthy man and he knows and has lived out the entire situation with us and is 100% support of us and our decisions regarding the children and he does not want them in the environment she creates for them either... so he has pledge any amount of money that we may need in the even of a court case. MIL & FIL are WONDERFUL people to say the least and they will stop at nothing to help us!

[nkdmkmom]

Originally Posted by HookedByCarolyn I second the person that said YOU should file against HER first! If she files, then you will have to go to the court hearings and such in HER state and in HER county. If YOU file, they will be done in your state and your county.

I have to say that this is not necessarily true. Perhaps it is in your state, but my dsd lives in Kentucky, and has for 11 years - her mom moved there when she was 3. Until she had lived there for a majority of 5 years, her custody agreement was handled here in Oklahoma. After she had lived there for a longer amount of time, jurisdiction moved to Kentucky. If we were to file something regarding her custody now, we would have to hire a lawyer in Kentucky and file papers there. This is per our lawyer.

[AshleyLD]

You risk loosing the kids if you do not let her excersize her legal right to see her children. UNLESS you creat a court date to have her rights removed. At least a tempory ban can be placed. Please, please call an attorney ASAP. I wouldnt want to see those kids have to spend any time with a woman that wants nothing to do with them

[photomikey]

You should sue for full custody if you think you have grounds. The courts are already skewed such that moms have an upper hand, anything you can do to give a man a legup will help - that means first strike.

Your initial posts has a few facts and a lot of exaggerations and opinions... scoop out the exaggerations opinions and present the facts. DO NOT get into "and then she said... and then she said..." in court.

The notebook by the phone is a nice idea and will be helpful, but not as helpful as independent witnesses will be. Independent witnesses are people who do not see a direct benefit from you getting the kids, i.e. NOT your family, your kids, your friends... look for teachers, neighbors, caretakers. Anything you can SUBSTANTIATE from your initial post will be helpful.