C/S recovery...am I being overly concerned?

[SkyeSpade]

Originally Posted by slimy72 Well, if those are the two situations, then I would veto them both. He can go with ds 1 if he wants to go, or he can stay home. No way would I agree to host a BBQ with you doing the work. Does he want you to end up back in the hospital? That's a very real possibility with him asking you to overexert yourself like that. And as for no to the potluck idea, really our family does pot lucks all the time. Heck, even when we do a birthday party for someone we do it potluck, and birthday family just provides the meat. So that's normal to me, and my family and dh's family wouldn't batt an eye at it. Sorry you're dealing with this, but it sounds like you need to speak up for yourself and defend your own recovery time, you are not being unreasonable.

This would be of the norm back when we lived in the same town as his family food-wise (though we still tended to get the short end of the stick somehow on the whole deal), but with them coming in from out of town, the overall understanding for the times they do come up seems to be "they paid for gas, so we pay for everything else." Last time they came up, we paid for everyone to go to the zoo and packed sandwiches for everyone to have a picnic afterwards. They were in a rush to leave after the zoo, so they just took the sandwiches and left, eating them in the car on the way home!


Anyway, thanks for the reassurance, mamas. I'm a bit of a pushover with DH, so on those occasions when I do say no to something he wants, I always wind up feeling really guilty about it. You guys definitely helped me feel better about putting my foot down.

[My Sweet Blessings]

you aren't being selfish at all. I wouldn't do either option. I wouldn't have guests over and I wouldn't drive 2 hours just to be daycare for all the kids when I can barely move around. I've had 3 c-sections, so I know all about the healing process. You have got to take it slow or you WILL pay for it.

[KristieW]

Wait, how many weeks will you be when you have your c/s? If you'll only be 39 (which is when many OBs seem to want to schedule c/s's), can you bump it out a week so that you'll have DH home right when you get home from the hospital? I just can't IMAGINE recovering from MAJOR surgery with a newborn, toddler, and zero daytime help!

[dornmama]

What is selfish is your DH asking you to have an unnecessary surgical birth for HIS comfort and then wanting you to host a major event 2 weeks later. THAT is selfish.

[Brooke789]

We brought our babies home on July 3rd last year and hosted a cookout on July 4th with all of our family. It worked out pretty well because the other men took over the grill and DH didn't have to do it. I didn't do any cooking or cleaning for that matter.

[2+2macht4]

I had to play happy hostess 4 days after coming home, never in my life have I been so bitter. Tell him no, end of story, you can do it next year.

[crunch!910]

CS are very hard. I didn't do much of anything for a very very long time. He is NUTS for thinking you are even physically capable of immediately taking care of not just the newborn, but the 17 mo old too and then hosting a party!?

[crunch!910]

Originally Posted by dornmama What is selfish is your DH asking you to have an unnecessary surgical birth for HIS comfort and then wanting you to host a major event 2 weeks later. THAT is selfish.

This!^

[UnschoolingFamily]

Originally Posted by dornmama What is selfish is your DH asking you to have an unnecessary surgical birth for HIS comfort and then wanting you to host a major event 2 weeks later. THAT is selfish.

Yup!

Sorry, but it sound to me as if your husband is the selfish one, and not only in this situation.

After my 3 c-sections, my husband stayed home with me for 1-2 weeks, did all cleaning for 3 months, including bathtooms and laundry and floors, took care of the other children, prepared all meals, sometimes even leaving pre-made sandwiches in the fridge for our lunches while he was away, and he still makes the majority of dinners with baby 7 months old and regardless of his working 50-60 hoirs per week. [I homeschool the older kids (9 & 12) and keep very busy with all of their stuff]

I agree with the PP who suggested you push your c-section back a week. Babies need as much time inside as they can get.

[Lovinmama3]

If I were you, I would tell hubby there is no way you will be traveling 2 weeks after a c/s and you will not be hosting a party at your house either. This is time for your family to bond. I hope you will have some help when you get home because I couldn't imagine caring for a toddler under 2 and a nb while recovering.