Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-04-2011, 07:51 AM   #21
canadianbakers's Avatar
canadianbakers
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: MB, Canada
Posts: 9,221
My Mood:
Re: JuneBugs July Chat

Shannon, you made me lol with that all to DH After I posted last night I shut my computer down, but had forgotten to check a movie showtime for Zech and I. I used DH's computer - and while on it figured out how to check the history... but he'd deleted everything while using it last night so all it showed was the few things he'd been looking at then. Maybe not a big deal normally, maybe he was just tidying things up, but it makes it seem all the more suspicious and guilty to me.
Hey, ya know, so far this summer vacation (being all of a long weekend thus far) has NOT gone like I planned. At all. Better be turning around damn soon otherwise I'm not gonna make it through a summer like this has been.

The spotting slowing, being brown now, is a good sign Shannon I know how scary this is and I'm so sorry, Hun.
I don't want to be pessimistic, and I'm not - I really do think you've got a SCH that your body is expelling and dealing with, and that things will be okay - but from everything I've read/heard. At this point you would almost definitely have a labor, it wouldn't be long and drawn out, more of a "mini-labor" - not as painful and not as long, but there nonetheless. With all my losses I've had more cramping than a normal AF, with the latest one (although only 5wk4d) I did have 2-3hrs of mini contractions and felt like I was laboring... just not as intensely as if I was "really" in labor. If that makes any sense.
So, it's likely you would have something, but it wouldn't be the same as laboring with Addi.
I think at 12wks it would be still just a bit too early to tell for certain if it is a boy or a girl - though I could be wrong. Up until about 15wks both genders kinda look the same, developing wise. The only way to know for sure may be with genetic testing... but I don't know if I would want to do that. I'm not sure what I would ever do myself.

Like I said, I say this not because I think it sounds likely for you, but just to answer your questions as best I can.

Most importantly more and that everything stops and settles and you can just enjoy the rest of your trip in peace.

Advertisement

__________________
~Elena~
Momma to R (12), Z (10), I (8), L (4), P (2) & J (Apr 14, 2015)
remembering Elliana Lucy (2.7.12)
canadianbakers is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-04-2011, 09:05 AM   #22
solarbabies's Avatar
solarbabies
Registered Users
Formerly: ja***nes
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: beautiful New Mexico
Posts: 6,845
My Mood:
Re: JuneBugs July Chat

Thanks Elena No more blood this morning, just a tiny tiny bit of brown. I can handle that. I still feel so hormones are there and I swear I feel the baby move every now and then! I hate not knowing, kwim? But in my heart I believe I am fine and so is baby. I think I will try to get an appt when we get back with the new midwife to try and listen for the heart. I just want the reassurance. But then again, I know I would worry more and more if she can't find it. It seems like they would have been able to tell me at the hospital u/s if there was a sch but maybe not I hope that is all it is and it is resolving itself. I will keep you posted.

Honestly I think that your DH has a problem. I think this because:
1. he used to and you know about it.
2. you have caught him in the more recent past
3. he deletes his history (why would he if he had nothing to hide)
4. he is into it even when you are having a hard time right now

You need to confront him I think. It is not good for you or your marriage to keep it bottled inside. I can't imagine if DH had a secret like that from me. That is NOT ok here either! I know he has watched/had magazines in the past, but he hasn't looked at that stuff since I met him (that I know of) Maybe sit down with him and just tell him that you know that he has been looking at the stuff and you are hurt by it. Make sure he knows you are serious about this. Make sure he knows you do not approve (though he already knows that or he wouldn't hide it) but tell him that. It's hard I bet, but it needs to happen. Don't just silently be mad/upset with him. And don't let him make stupid excuses like the last time and brush it off again. for you too. Gosh, I wish you were closer, or at least in the same country! I would definitely make our trip route include you.
__________________
[CENTER]~Shannon~Mama to Addisyn 6.6.10 and Ryan 1.22.12
solarbabies is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-04-2011, 09:24 AM   #23
canadianbakers's Avatar
canadianbakers
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: MB, Canada
Posts: 9,221
My Mood:
Re: JuneBugs July Chat

brown is good, tiny amount is good. I would definitely get in with the midwife when you get home asap - hearing that wee heartbeat would be so reassuring!

I do want to talk to him about it... I just don't know how to bring it up. And I'm not going to start a conversation about it during the day with the kids awake/around. I'll have to wait until after they're in bed. I just don't know exactly what the right "conversation opener" is for this one.
__________________
~Elena~
Momma to R (12), Z (10), I (8), L (4), P (2) & J (Apr 14, 2015)
remembering Elliana Lucy (2.7.12)
canadianbakers is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-04-2011, 10:46 AM   #24
SarahDee29's Avatar
SarahDee29
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Lynnwood, WA
Posts: 7
My Mood:
Re: JuneBugs July Chat

Quote:
Originally Posted by canadianbakers View Post
Not what I wanted to wake up to.
I grabbed DH's computer to check the weather network site - my computer is in our room, his was just on the dining table. When I opened firefox it brought up the "we're sorry, do you want us to restore these" box, if you kwim. The pages listed were p**n. Same site, 2 different pages or whatever they would be there. I didn't click them or restore them to find out.
I'm feeling right now. Really didn't need that on top of the emotions I'm all ready dealing with right now.
While this may be all right for some couples, it isn't for me/us. I have no clue what, if anything, to say to DH.
I read your earlier posts and I'm so sorry to hear everything you are going through (possible mc and this ^ ). I wanted to tell you my experience and a diff perspective as far as what you found on your DH computer. I have had issues with insecurity as well and in the past have not handled it very well. In a past relationship I found lots of sites he went to as well as dvd's he kept hidden in a closet. Found that when I was doing some deep cleaning b/c I was moving in. Not the best thing to find. But I freaked out and was like "why do you need to look at this crap, when you have me?" I was very hurt by the whole thing and when I freaked out about it I think it made communication about the whole situation worse. He knew I didnt like it so instead of being honest, he hid it from me which of course I would find when he wasnt careful to hide things and it just escalated from there. Now looking back I think that things could have been handled differently which is why I wanted to tell you all this. Haha.

I can tell, even though I dont know you or your family, that your husband loves you. He came home from work early b/c of everything going on, made you dinner, cake etc. He cares a great deal for you. With you guys going through a poss mc he might be feeling upset and unable to cope with the situation. As well as not being able to have any control of the situation, guys like to take care of their wives and not being able to "fix" the situation is probably hard for him. I know him going on those sites is not an acceptable thing in your marriage but maybe try to approach it in a non defensive way, as to keep the communication open. If you get mad/frustrated with him he may not feel comfortable opening up to you about "why" he did it. He already knows you dont approve of it and maybe keeping it from you because you already have a lot going on. I dont think he was doing it to deliberately hurt you so maybe wait until the eve when the kids are asleep and say "Honey, I've been feeling vulnerable and insecure, I know you didnt mean to hurt me, but what I found accidently on your computer did. I know you are trying to cope with this situation (mc) as well and maybe that was your outlet. But i wish we could talk openly about this." Maybe its because you guys aren't able to be intimate, guys need that. As cliche as that sounds, they really do. Him going on those sites was probably not the right way to go about it, but he also knows everything you're going through and wouldn't want to put his sexual needs on top of everything else. So he tooks matters in his own hands, so to speak.

I hope I'm not over stepping telling you all of this. I just wanted to give you a different perspective to think about.
SarahDee29 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-04-2011, 06:13 PM   #25
bluedaisyma's Avatar
bluedaisyma
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 8,721
Re: JuneBugs July Chat

eh...idk Elena. a guy doesn't *need* that to take care of himself....regardless of what is going on with the m/c, etc, it's not an ok thing in your marriage, so it's not ok. period. If it was ME, I would be all like, "hey, we could have looked at this together" or embarrassed him bc that is what we do to each other, lol. But I think you need to just confront him. Whether you have to (not sure if any of these smilies work, I am too lazy to go advanced)....do something. Don't let it stew

Shannon, I agree with Elena. I m/c at 12 wks (I think) a long time ago and I had bleeding and cramps. I only went to the hospital bc I was living at home with young sibs and I didn't know how it would be, so my mom took me to get a D & C. Let me just say this *in general* based on experience and reading...if it IS a m/c at this stage, nothing can be done. No bedrest, etc, etc. I was 14 wks with K when I had the huge bleed and everything I read and was told that early they can't do anything, it's not like pre-term labor, it's usually something with the pregnancy that isn't going right/baby isn't forming, etc. Not saying this is your sit, just telling you about m/c's at this stage of a pg. Just KUP!

Elena, ikwym about my sis. I just wanna smack her with something heavy. I mean, she DIDN'T WANT ANOTHER KID. And as you said....here some of us are m/c (you and Amanda ), some of us are worried (Shannon ) and some of us are TTC with no luck and then there are others who don't even want babies.....blerg.

well we are getting ready to walk downtown (about 2 mi) to the fireworks but DS said it just started raining, so I gotta see if everything is gonna go as planned. DH will be grumpy if we have to walk in the rain, DS doesn't really want to go and 2 others are at a friends and the oldest is working. Me and K might walk by ourselves!
__________________
Jul, This used to be a great place
bluedaisyma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-04-2011, 08:26 PM   #26
canadianbakers's Avatar
canadianbakers
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: MB, Canada
Posts: 9,221
My Mood:
Re: JuneBugs July Chat

Quote:
Originally Posted by SarahDee29 View Post
I hope I'm not over stepping telling you all of this. I just wanted to give you a different perspective to think about.
Well... thank you for your perspective.

However, in all honesty, if that was his excuse I say "F**K him and his excuse." Sorry. No dice with that bullsh!t here.
It's not okay. Never has been. He knows this. No excuse, no reason, would ever be okay. Ever. Period.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bluedaisyma View Post
eh...idk Elena. a guy doesn't *need* that to take care of himself....regardless of what is going on with the m/c, etc, it's not an ok thing in your marriage, so it's not ok. period. If it was ME, I would be all like, "hey, we could have looked at this together" or embarrassed him bc that is what we do to each other, lol. But I think you need to just confront him. Whether you have to (not sure if any of these smilies work, I am too lazy to go advanced)....do something. Don't let it stew

well we are getting ready to walk downtown (about 2 mi) to the fireworks but DS said it just started raining, so I gotta see if everything is gonna go as planned. DH will be grumpy if we have to walk in the rain, DS doesn't really want to go and 2 others are at a friends and the oldest is working. Me and K might walk by ourselves!
I am typing a note to him right now. I came in here to check back and see which morning I found it, which night he was looking at it - that I know for sure. I don't know for sure about any others because of him deleting the history. But I know those ones were there. I need to be able to say specifics. He is very good at finding ways around things, if I say "I feel like you don't ____" or whatever he always badgers me to be very specific. If I can't, he blows it all off, gets angry and says it's all my fault. Essentially anyways.
I hate that I need to write a note. But I can't think of any way to say this stuff, no convo opener, and I know that I won't be able to say what I want to say without him interrupting, taking over things, and leaving me with stuff unsaid.
I don't know yet what I want to do about this. I guess I need to hear his reasons/excuses. Although I will have a hard time believing and trusting what he says. I wish I could just afford to leave for a bit - go visit my family or something - but I can't, and I don't think I can say what's happening to my parents.

Get to the fireworks? Did K like them?!
__________________
~Elena~
Momma to R (12), Z (10), I (8), L (4), P (2) & J (Apr 14, 2015)
remembering Elliana Lucy (2.7.12)
canadianbakers is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-04-2011, 09:14 PM   #27
bluedaisyma's Avatar
bluedaisyma
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 8,721
Re: JuneBugs July Chat

oh elena that's so frustrating. I hate when ppl try to turn it around it on me...plus, with some people I get so flustered, get defensive and cry. A note is a great idea. I hope you don't think I was downplaying what he did earlier. I understand how it made you feel . I do know for some couples, it's not a big deal. I haven't had to deal with it, so I don't know how I would react. The most impt thing is that it's dealt with. Is there a friend you could go see just for a fun overnight with the kiddos? KUP

we did walk downtown. DH was pissy at 1st bc it had rained and was supposed to rain more and he didn't want me going alone with just the baby so he went along. It ended up really nice and K loved them and danced and pointed and tried to grab them.....and now he won't settle down :/
__________________
Jul, This used to be a great place
bluedaisyma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-04-2011, 09:25 PM   #28
canadianbakers's Avatar
canadianbakers
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: MB, Canada
Posts: 9,221
My Mood:
Re: JuneBugs July Chat

No I didn't think you were downplaying it. And I know that it can be no big deal at all for some couples, I know that some couples are all right with it alone or together. But I'm just not one of those people.
And no, no friends here. Our good friends are 1-not home, and 2-friends of both of us.
For now I've written in the note that I think it may be best for now if he sleeps in the spare room. Space might help some.

Glad to hear K liked them! Levi was the same way when we got home - even though it was, like, midnight he would not settle for the night!
__________________
~Elena~
Momma to R (12), Z (10), I (8), L (4), P (2) & J (Apr 14, 2015)
remembering Elliana Lucy (2.7.12)
canadianbakers is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-05-2011, 02:07 AM   #29
MeCo7707's Avatar
MeCo7707
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 2,976
My Mood:
Re: JuneBugs July Chat

Jul - We live 3 miles from the fireworks so we saw them from a distance the girls adored them - but much like K would not settle...so I took them for a car ride to get them to sleep.

Eleana - more space probably will help a little, and hopefully you and your DH can have an honest discussion about it, in which he will not cut you off and you both can have some closure from the situation. Shortly after DH and I were married and I discovered it I told him if he was so embarrased that he couldn't be honest then he shouldn't do it or be prepared for me to rip his face off if I discovered he was hiding something...but that's me, it's not a big deal to us - but I don't do dishonesty....so that's probably what would piss me off the most.

AFM: I'm still annoyed that I have yet to feel the baby move...everyone else in my DDG has and I'm getting jealous..but I know I shouldn't complain - at least if everything is alright I will finally get to hear the heartbeat for the first time at my appointment on Thursday.

Henna is going to sleep on her own now - I lay in bed with her and it usually only takes 15-20 minutes before she is out for the night. She is trying to do everything Zaylee does - last night I was doing a new prenatal workout and Zaylee was doing it with me and then Henna came over and stood next to Zaylee and started doing it too
and she did pretty good for a 1 year old!

I've been prenatal working my butt off lately - DH wasn't on the list to come home in July so I'm still not sure when he will be back but I am trying REALLY hard to tighten up before he comes home - well as much as a pregnant woman can I suppose.

I've also been wanting to make myself a dress and here are my ideas...am I crazy thinking I can make a maternity version?

http://www.pinupgirlclothing.com/jes...-navy-red.html

http://www.pinupgirlclothing.com/sai...dress-red.html
__________________
Stop Stalking Me
MeCo7707 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-05-2011, 06:24 AM   #30
bluedaisyma's Avatar
bluedaisyma
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 8,721
Re: JuneBugs July Chat

elena, how's it going? . I agree, Mer, dishonesty (including hiding things) doesn't work for me.

K is like that too....he is the biggest copycat. if he is around when the boys do insanity, he tries to mimic and does really well. yesterday, my 16yr old was doing squats in the dining room and he started doing them . he either nurses to sleep or rolls around touching both of us til he falls asleep.

I LOVE those dresses. I think the 1st one would be a good maternity one. I do love the other one too, but since it swings out so wide I think if you made it maternity, it would look a bit....'muumuu'-ish, kwim?
__________________
Jul, This used to be a great place
bluedaisyma is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.