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Old 07-13-2011, 06:38 PM   #1
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UPDATE 7/13/11: Please keep my baby girl in your prayers

Hey Mama's. I just got home from my appt with my perinatologist with some very upsetting news. In 4 days I will be 23 weeks and my doc is admitting me to the hospital for the duration of the pregnancy. They will be monitoring her development and administering steroids to help her chances of survival.

I can't stop crying.... the thought of losing her is unbearable. I don't want to be without my 2 young boys either but I know its best for baby girl. They're admitting me because the placental abruption I was diagnosed with at 18 weeks has progressed and the OB seems unpleasantly sure that we will not make it to term. I just want my baby to be ok! I want her to be able to nurse and cuddle and live. I know all the statistics on my situation.... that if my abruption stays exactly as it is now, baby girl can make it with no problems but if it continues to progress, delivery will be necessary and every week the latter will increase her chances. I

I'm trying so hard to be strong but the tears keep coming. The truth is I'm terrified. I watched my best friend deliver her baby girl at 26 wks and all the problems she had. None of that matters as long as my baby lives though right?? But then she won't be able to nurse, she'll be so fragile. I honestly don't know what I am capable of handling at this point.............

Please ladies..... please keep my baby girl in your hearts and in your prayers. That she may be strong and healthy enough to come through this unscathed. And My family too.... that my boys won't miss mommy too much while I'm away, that my DH has the patience and strength to carry this burden of having to play MR. Mom and for my mother, who will be picking up any slack that MR. Mom can't handle.

UPDATE 5/16/2011: SO here I am.... home from the hospital without my baby girl. Heres what happened..... 2 days after being admitted to the hospital, I felt an excruciating pain in my uterus and I knew something was wrong. My OB immediately did an US and discovered that my 3cm abruption was now a 12cm abruption!! They rushed me into L&D and prepped me for a section but baby girl had other plans. She wasn't showing ANY signs of distress so we decided to hold off on the delivery until she told us it was time.

For 2 weeks I held on to my pregnancy, missing my son's 4th b-day and Mothers day while I lay in a hospital bed with IV's in both arms and the most uncomfortable tummy pain imaginable....

May 9, 2011 (the day after mother's day) The cramping got too much for me to take. I was screaming in pain, the doctors were arguing whether to deliver or not but came to the conclusion that it was time because my blood count had dropped and I was bleeding too much (but baby girl wasn't phased at all).
They said if we waited until she was distressed it could be too late. I was terrified but my hubby made it to my side as I was being wheeled into the OR.

At 5:51pm on 5/9/11 my beautiful Shaelynn Annmarie was born at 24 weeks 6 days gestation weighing a tiny 1lb 10ozs. She is the most beautiful thing I've seen in my life. DH and I cried as she was taken to the NICU. She never cried but she was breathing on her own for a little while.

Today she remains in the NICU on the ventilator with chest tubes in both lungs. Her skin is too thin to handle life outside the womb, it is literally sloughing off anywhere she is touched. Her heart has a gap in it that is causing blood to be directed to her lungs so she's being given meds to correct it. She has yet to be given my breast milk as she is still on IV nutrition. Everything about her is tiny, except for her will to live. Her xrays of her lungs show they are very healthy considering her gestation, her brain shows no evidence of a bleed .

I'm supposed to still be carrying her inside of me. I blame myself that she is in this situation. I should've never wished to go home while I was in the hospital but I just missed my family so much. I should've kept my mouth shut when I was in pain..... maybe if I hadn't told the doctors about how much it hurt, I'd still be pregnant. But here I am with a 12 inch incision for hip to hip where my baby used to be kicking away. Instead of holding her to my breast as she sucks til her tummy is content, I'm holding my breast to an electric pump as a wish that things were different. I'm so sorry.... I wish I had been stronger and more capable of keeping myself pregnant but I can't change a thing now. I will pump until she is able to nurse, and I will visit her everyday and pray that she will overcome everything I have caused her to go through. Its all I know to do other than cry behind locked doors and smile as I'm asked for the 10,000th time how we are doing......

Please pray for my baby girl..... and please God, let her be ok!

UPDATE 7/13/11: Its been a while since I've been on as I spend most of my days at the NICU. I see that many of you have been wondering how we are doing, Thank you!

My little Shaelynn is the most incredible human being I've had the privilege of having in my life. She had the 2 chest tubes removed from her lungs only to have them reinserted 2 days later. Luckily she only needed them for a few more days after that. She was on the breathing tube for about 2 weeks until she graduated to CPAP, then the nasal cannula and now she is breathing all by herself. A few times a day she has "episodes" where her heart stops and she needs to be resuscitated by stimulation and a bit of O2. She is being fed 36mls 4 times a day through a feeding tube, one breastfeeding and 3 bottle feeds. It upsets me that the docs won't let me breastfeed her more often as she it perfectly and never desats but they said it's more important that she knows how to bottle feed.

When she was just a few days old she was diagnosed with a PDA in her heart that was farely large. We were told she would need surgery to correct it because the med they tried to fix it with did not work. An ultrasound of the brain also showed "PVL", a type of brain damage that cannot be fixed and would cause cerebral palsy though the extent of it could not be determined until she gets older. About 3 weeks ago, both the ultrasound of her heart and of her brain showed that her heart problem and the PVL are no longer there!!!!!!!!!!! I know in my heart that she was cured of these problems because so many people have been praying for her.... even the doctor was baffled and thanking God for the miracle.

My Shaelynn is 2 months old now, and although she still has a ways to go, she is doing great. Its hard to believe how far she has come from the tiny 1lb 10ozs she was at birth and needing life support to now breathing without intervention, weighing in at 4lbs and just today she was switched from the incubator to an open crib!!! She still has a problem with her skin being incredibly sensitive (she forms blisters all over her body with the simplest touch, like holding her ankles during a diaper change).... Docs are almost positive she has some type of skin condition but they won't be able to diagnose it until she gets to term and they can perform a biopsy.

As for me, my two little boys and my husband, we're doing as well as can be expected. My 4 year old has been to the NICU a handful of times and theres rarely a day that goes by that he doesn't ask if his little sister is coming home yet. I still cry over the guilt I feel over the situation but my son tells me to close my eyes and pretend she's here with us.... pretty wise ccoming from a 4 year old I thank God everyday for what I have. I continue to pump my breast milk every day, I'm really hoping that one day I will be able to breastfeed her like none of this ever happened. The fact is that it did happen and I have to deal with it. Thank you to those of you who have been praying, I know that God is listening and watching over my lil girl so please continue.... it truly means the world to us.

I have so many pictures that I would love to show off, they're all posted on my facebook page so if you're interested in seeing them just shoot me a message and I'll give you the address. Thank you again and God bless you.

"God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change, the COURAGE to change the things that I can and the WISDOM to know the difference."


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Old 07-13-2011, 06:45 PM   #2
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Re: UPDATE 7/13/11: Please keep my baby girl in your prayers

That is my favorite prayer! One that I try to live by.

So glad to see the progress - we've been wondering and thinking about you guys!!

Woohoo for the good weight gain.

Continued prayers for you family!
Julie - SAHM to Daniel 11/06 - 34 weeks, Elizabeth Anne 5/08 - 35 weeks Katie Marie - 3/10 - 36 weeks, 6 days
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Old 07-13-2011, 06:54 PM   #3
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So glad for all the good news! Praying that all continues to go well for your little fighter.
Loving wife to Erik - the man who drives me wild and drives me crazy .
Mother to Amelia (12.06), Charlotte (11.08), Clark (3.11), and Tabitha (6.13).
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Old 07-13-2011, 06:57 PM   #4
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Re: UPDATE 7/13/11: Please keep my baby girl in your prayers

Thank you for the update mama So happy to hear things are still going well and she continues to improve. Is there anything you all need?
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Old 07-13-2011, 08:20 PM   #5
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Re: UPDATE 7/13/11: Please keep my baby girl in your prayers

Wow, mama! Your little girl is so strong! I hope she continues to grow and thrive. Your family is in my thoughts.
Thia, semi-crunchy wife to G (2005) and mama to Ashur (9/2006) and Julian (3/2010-birth story). Bfing, Dr. Bob vaxing, sling wearing, extended rear facing

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Old 07-13-2011, 08:27 PM   #6
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Re: UPDATE 7/13/11: Please keep my baby girl in your prayers

god bless you and your family. my thoughts and prayers are with you! keep strong mama
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Old 07-13-2011, 08:43 PM   #7
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Re: UPDATE 7/13/11: Please keep my baby girl in your prayers

So glad to hear Shaelynn is improving and so happy to hear about her miracles!
Michele, wife to Brian, mom to Noah (4yrs) and Jonah (mc at 11wks) 12/10/10, Malachi 10/7/11 and Levi 6/2013.

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Old 07-13-2011, 09:01 PM   #8
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Re: UPDATE 7/13/11: Please keep my baby girl in your prayers

wow!! what a miracle!! She's a fighter for sure!!
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Old 07-13-2011, 09:23 PM   #9
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Re: UPDATE 7/13/11: Please keep my baby girl in your prayers

Mama that's fantastic!!! Thanks so much for the update and we will pray for her continued recovery and for you and the rest of your family.
Meghan- WOHM-daycare/preschool Proud mama to Ella (9/08) and Henry (5/10)
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Old 07-13-2011, 10:21 PM   #10
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Re: UPDATE 7/13/11: Please keep my baby girl in your prayers

So glad she continues to grow well and strong! She's in my thoughts and prayers daily, as are you and the rest of your family. You've all been through and conquered so many obstacles; I just know there's nothing that you can't do!!
Grateful mama to earth-baby DD2 (9/2011)
missing spirit-baby DD1 (9/2009, 3rd trimester) and the little ones who only stayed a few weeks

*TTC a sticky baby since Jan '15. Hoping DD1 returns to us!*
"Death can't stop True Love - it can only delay it for a while." - The Princess Bride
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