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Old 07-21-2011, 10:21 AM   #1
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How do you get family to stay away from hospital?



With #1 we lived in the same town as both sides of our families and nobody waited with us all day, but when they decided I would have a c/s both sides came in to wait.

With #2 we lived out of town (6 hours) and DH's family (although they told us a different 'excuse') didn't come out because SIL was home with her new baby for 6 weeks. (We were told, 'you don't need us to come because Audrey's family will be there...we'll visit later.' Which prompted DH to shove me in a car 5 days after my C/S to ride 6 hours home to show off his new son to his parents....)

With #3 we lived 2 hours out of town and no one else was having a baby. DH's mom came in the day I went to the hospital for my c/s. It was really awkward when I was wheeled into recovery (groggy, sore and with a cath) and saw her and the rest of my family waiting for me.
Then she ended up staying at my house with my family while I was still in the hospital. My family and her got along fine, but my family said it was 'awkward' because my MIL is very rude with how she does things and quite pushy for 'her way'. So even though we had left our 2 children in the care of my family she had her own opinions on what needed to be done.

This time MIL & FIL are coming into town. I tried telling DH that I would prefer they wait until I am home before they came out. His only 'offer' was 'how about I make sure everyone stays out of your room until you're settled?'


That's not what I want. I feel like other mamas can go into the hospital without everyone joining in.
SIL, as an example, doesn't even INVITE her inlaws out until after they are home and my MIL encourages this...but for some reason she thinks she is invited into my hospital room?

I'd feel so much better knowing that my kids are being occupied by my family at home and I get to babymoon in the hospital in peace. Knowing that when I am home and situated that visitors are more than welcome.

But, how can I get this point across to DH. I don't want to be rude to him or his family. But if they just wait until the weekend they can visit us in our home, I'll be more up to visitors and he'll be able to visit as well.

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Old 07-21-2011, 10:29 AM   #2
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You could always tell the nurses to not allow visitors, just in case you REALLY don't want them and DH wont agree!
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Old 07-21-2011, 10:40 AM   #3
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Re: How do you get family to stay away from hospital?

Sit DH down and tell him the reasons that you don't want visitors. I didn't want any either. My husband was a little reluctant to tell his family so, he let me do the nasty deed. I told both sides we love that you want to support us and this is how you can best do so (by staying away. Ours is a little easier because people have to drive to see us, but we started taking the family rotation a week after DS was born.
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Old 07-21-2011, 10:48 AM   #4
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Sorry mama. I had this same issue and asked people nit to come to the hospital except my parents, sister and DH's mom. Well every single aunt, cousin, grandparent, etc from DH's side came. It was exhausting to constantly have visitors while trying to recover.

Oh and DH's mom was there at midnight when I was still in the recovery room after a c-section!!!
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Old 07-21-2011, 11:07 AM   #5
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Re: How do you get family to stay away from hospital?

ugh. I don't understand why people feel the need to have to visit you in the hospital. I had to make it very clear to DH that I didn't want anyone waiting for us while I was in labor this time around. Even at that, I still ended up with his family visiting just a few hours after I got home, I didn't even get a chance to shower.

I don't have any real advice other maybe lie about the date of your c-section to a week later?

As a pp mentioned, you can get the nurses on your side, maybe come up with some code word so that you when you ring them and they'll know that they need to clear the room for you. Or if you don't want visitors at home, maybe you can use the "doctor's orders" line?
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Old 07-21-2011, 11:20 AM   #6
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Re: How do you get family to stay away from hospital?

After my MIL showed up at the hospital when she found out I was being induced, and kept getting DH to leave the room with her to go out for smokes-THEN showed up in my doorway as the doc was still stitching me up, we made new rules for our subsequent children (she was also supposed to watch our 2 older children that day but cancelled as soon as DH told her I was getting induced instead)...NOW (3 kids later), DH isn't allowed to leave the room until 3 hours after baby is born (lol), and no one comes to the hospital at all or allowed to visit until after we've been home a couple days. To us, the delivery/birth is for DH and I only, and the first few days for us and our other children-we are the ones who have been preparing daily for this new addition for the last 8-9 months, everyone else can wait!!!
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Old 07-21-2011, 11:20 AM   #7
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Re: How do you get family to stay away from hospital?

IDK I didn't want anyone to wait in the hospital while I was laboring/delivering but for my first 2, DH's parents and BIL/SIL did anyway. I said fine but they are not allowed to come into the room and I will not go visit, I don't feel like it. After we were all cleaned up, they came in for a visit but I told DH to make sure it was short and sweet and he did

My Mom and family don't live in town, so they don't visit in the hospital but my Mom only goes to see babies (as in her other grandchildren) the next day, she thinks the new family needs some time to bond together, once again

For our third she was born at 2 am. Needless to say no one wanted to be there waiting It was actually really nice and peaceful, DH and I both loved it. His parents did come to the hospital the next day and brought our kids with them, so they could meet their new sister. It was very nice and thankfully short. I like to enjoy my hospital time and get to know the new baby.
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Old 07-21-2011, 11:22 AM   #8
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Re: How do you get family to stay away from hospital?

Or...you could just tell DH to try and go through what you are that day and see if he would feel like visitors, ROFL!!!
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Old 07-21-2011, 11:24 AM   #9
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Re: How do you get family to stay away from hospital?

I would just be blunt with DH as in, "I absolutely, positively do NOT want any visitors in the room. The baby isn't going to grow up overnight so pretty sure if they wait til the weekend, baby will still look the same" Seriously, sometimes with people/men you just have to be blunt so they get it - otherwise they'll just come up with their own interpretations. "oh well, we came last time, no big deal. So let's all go again!"

And ditto what others already said about getting the nurses to help you out Good luck!
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Old 07-21-2011, 11:31 AM   #10
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Re: How do you get family to stay away from hospital?

DF and I just had this conversation after our prenatal tour yesterday. The nurse explained that you're in the birthing room for about 2 hours after birth and it's a BIG and private room, so that's usually when the whole family comes in and meets the baby for the first time.
He seemed EXCITED for that opportunity! I was like "No way, mister! She also said they're going to be checking my "vaginal flow" every 15 minutes during that time. I do NOT want an audience! Our families can, at the very least, wait until I've had some sleep." DSS would be the only exception to that rule. It's very important to me that he be the first one to meet his little brother.

So, we haven't extended any sort of invitation to our families at all. We will be calling to let them know when I'm in labour, but DF will ask them to wait until afterwards to come down - there's no waiting room for them, anyways. They'd have to wait in the hospital cafeteria. We'll allow our very close family members (moms, sisters, and my dad) to come for a short visit at the hospital, but everyone else will be asked to wait until we're settled in at home. If they're not willing to accept that, well.... tough. They can decide how it goes when they're the ones having a baby. I have no trouble telling the nurses that I'm not accepting visitors, and they're more than happy to pretend that the locks in the ward are malfunctioning. lol
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