Why do women like to scare each other about labor?

[MunkyCrazy]

I was more annoyed with my mom telling me that childbirth didn't hurt at all and all I would have to do is picture something nice and I wouldn't feel anything, than any of the horror stories I heard.

[doulamomma]

Originally Posted by TwinMommaplus2 I disagree. Lets not sugar coat things ladies. its hard HARD work, labor no matter how you go about it. Being positive and sharing your experience with another woman is a great way to connect, bond and hopefully give her some insight on something she may not be familiar with. Sometimes things dont go as planned, and your in pain and your on back, and it sucks... some people choose to focus only on that aspect of thier labor... to each thier own. However, it is what it is. LABOR.

thats the point though. Labor doesn't have to be a painful, strapped to the bed on your back experience. most women I know go into labor thinking they want to try to go as natural as possible. But they are not prepared so end up getting interventions which lead to more intervention. So to feel like they didn't fail they need to make it extra horrible so they have a good reason for not sticking to the original plan. I get frustrated because people act like my labor must not have been that bad bc I was able to do it without drugs. It was difficult at times. I was just well educated and prepared for it and determined to do it naturally

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[RedheadMom09]

I think women naturally feel inclined to share their birth stories with expecting moms because there are few opportunities to talk about it otherwise. Let's face it, for most women having their baby/babies is probably the most emotionally significant event of their lives. It's like the female version of a war story. Unfortunately, there's almost no socially acceptable time to talk about it, regardless of whether it was positive or negative.

Personally, when I was pregnant I never perceived it as someone trying to "scare me" about birth when she told me her birth story, and I would hope that no one would perceive it that way if I talked about mine. I think it says something bad about our society that we perceive a ritual as old as time - women telling birth stories - as having a negative intent towards the listener.

[mommyria2]

Originally Posted by RedheadMom09 I think women naturally feel inclined to share their birth stories with expecting moms because there are few opportunities to talk about it otherwise. Let's face it, for most women having their baby/babies is probably the most emotionally significant event of their lives. It's like the female version of a war story. Unfortunately, there's almost no socially acceptable time to talk about it, regardless of whether it was positive or negative. Personally, when I was pregnant I never perceived it as someone trying to "scare me" about birth when she told me her birth story, and I would hope that no one would perceive it that way if I talked about mine. I think it says something bad about our society that we perceive a ritual as old as time - women telling birth stories - as having a negative intent towards the listener.

I get what you are saying. I certainly don't mind hearing someone's birth story and I read all kinds, good and bad. But this wasn't a story it was more like "haha it's going to hurt a lot" which I'm sure it will hurt, but I'm prepared for that. I don't know, I guess it just rubbed me the wrong way. I think next time I'll ask her to tell me about her births, it could be a good learning/bonding experience.

[jackyl08]

I have no idea why women do that! I was so terrified before I had DD, that I was having panic attacks thinking it would kill me. Then I had her, complete with an epi that didn't work. You know what? IT WASN'T THAT BAD! This is what I tell other expectant mothers I know. I had an in hospital birth and it was great. Yes, there are some things I did a bit different the second time around, but honestly, my first birth made the horror of my pregnancy(HG and anxiety) 100% better. My second hospital birth was absolutely amazing and I seriously wanted to do it all over again. It was hard work, absolutely, but it was manageable and doesn't last forever! That is what I tell others.

[songbird516]

I like to tell women about my positive birth experience but with the disclaimer that my first birth was easier than most. But that it is possible to have a fast relatively low-pain labor,. I try to emphasize that staying positive, fit, and being in a safe environment are all key to a good birth experience, and will help make it a positive no matter the mode of birth in the end.

I did get a lot of horror stories before my first, though. I usually just shrugged it off. This time no one is giving me advice because they figure that I know what I'm doing, lol.

[solnishka7]

I've def heard my share of horror birth stories but I've def been blessed with 2 of the fastest pain free births ever... So no scary stories from me.. Let's hope this upcoming labor is as fast and peaceful

[crunch!910]

When I first told my mother I was pregnant with my first child, she laughed at me and said "just you wait for labor!" or something along those lines. Before that, all growing up, all of us kids had heard all about her awful, painful labors and ripping and tearing all the way to her rectum, etc. And even though she knew I was planning and am planning for this one, she never fails to share how painful it is. I'm glad she didn't sugar coat it, but I also know she exaggerates everything so she's never made me actually fearful of labor/birth.

[knodceo]

I know plenty of women who try to 'inform' you. Luckily my mother in law was my only saving grace.

I'd just tell her how you feel. I did and it makes people back off. Good luck!

[songbird516]

Actually I really appreciate my mom's example. She had 3 traumatic births, but never tried to scare me with them. I didn't even hear the stories until after my daughter was born, and then I was mortified by what she went through and how she was treated!