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Old 03-12-2012, 05:53 PM   #21
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Re: Why do women like to scare each other about labor?

Other moms and I have sat around and swapped birth stories. I find that the positive part of #2 seems to tick women off. It can easily become a game of one-up-manship.

My favorite with pregnancy #3 is how everyone flat out tells me that the baby and I will DIE because we are going to the birth center in another town. The OB in our town has a higher c/s rate than US average. His main scrub nurse is one of those who thinks I am going to die, but in the next breath she says whatever you do, don't switch to dr. X. She suggests I drive 2 hours to a larger city where the mw's deliver in the hospital. I had a mw who delivers in the hospital for #1 and #2. Both times the OB in charge took over care from the mw and I ended up narrowly avoiding a c/s both times. Two different hospitals! Not doing it.

I really think that women need to talk about their birth experiences, but they don't know how and aren't given the chance to do so except when they see another pregnant lady. We also often have regrets about our birth experiences (c/s, epi, episiotomy, tearing, pain killers, vacuum extraction/forceps, etc.) and feel that others are snubbing us when they have a better experience or choose a different route.

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Old 03-12-2012, 07:01 PM   #22
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I had a pretty complicated birth the first time. I don't know why I share my story, but for sure it is not to scare people. I think I just like to share my misery (like we women like to do) and remind myself that I got past it. Women can bare through way more than they think they can. This time around I thank God for every single healthy day. I feel blessed to have a 'normal' pregnancy and don't take it for granted.

I suggest you not listen to any horror stories, but if you have to, use it to remind you how lucky and blessed you are for getting a healthy pregnancy.
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Old 03-12-2012, 08:36 PM   #23
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Re: Why do women like to scare each other about labor?

my mother is very supportive in natural birth, my MIL however loved to tell me her and her sisters birth stories and how bad they were!! So I know were you are coming from. Now I will tell you that I had 3 hospital births all natural and they were great, it did only hurt during the last phase, but once you start to push its not so bad. You will do great!! just read what you can and take it one contraction at a time!!
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Old 03-12-2012, 09:17 PM   #24
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Re: Why do women like to scare each other about labor?

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Actually I really appreciate my mom's example. She had 3 traumatic births, but never tried to scare me with them. I didn't even hear the stories until after my daughter was born, and then I was mortified by what she went through and how she was treated!
How wonderful of your mom! I was raised with the whole "childbirth = death" and it took me years to get over it and be okay with getting pregnant.

It doesn't bother me when women ask to share and honestly most birth stories don't scare me anymore because I'm better educated. My friends sharing their birth story in a spirit of this is what happened to me and I need to share it with friend, I'll happily listen to. It's the women in the stores that seem to pounce on me to share how they almost died that I really don't appreciate. I have enough stress to bombarded with strangers telling me their horror stories! So to me, it depends on WHO it is coming from and their demeanor... like someone telling me something about a terrible mw that they had and what to look out for... ya know?
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Old 03-13-2012, 12:40 AM   #25
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Re: Why do women like to scare each other about labor?

For me, I wish that that the women around me would have spoke more about their birth experiences, especially about the interventions that can snowball out of control. I hate that I had to have a less than ideal birth with my first child. I do know it was my fault for not being more prepared/aware, but even with the reading I did before it just wasn't enough.
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Old 03-13-2012, 04:41 AM   #26
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For me, I wish that that the women around me would have spoke more about their birth experiences, especially about the interventions that can snowball out of control. I hate that I had to have a less than ideal birth with my first child. I do know it was my fault for not being more prepared/aware, but even with the reading I did before it just wasn't enough.
I completely agree!
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Old 03-13-2012, 08:43 AM   #27
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Re: Why do women like to scare each other about labor?

I don't really agree with sharing the "if you do this, it will be great" attitude and I don't really agree with sharing the "it's pure torture" attitude either. Provided someone wants to hear it, I think sharing your personal experience is fine, but it needs to be expressed in a manner that explains it was your experience, which is not universal.
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Old 03-13-2012, 10:19 AM   #28
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Re: Why do women like to scare each other about labor?

Whether someone says "Labor is torture- get an epidural!" or "Labor doesn't hurt if you're not scared- just start some hypnotherapy and you'll be fine." Both statements are BS. Everyone is different. Some women have easy labors, some have horrific labors.
I hate that just cause someone had a pain-free labor she now feels the right to tell everyone else they can have that too.. I fell for that and man was I in for a shock when labor was horrifyingly torturous. BUT, I know that is how it was for ME. So I don't tell other women it will be shockingly painful, but for me it was.

And no man should be saying it's not so bad until transition LOL GRRRRRRR!
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Old 03-13-2012, 10:49 AM   #29
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Re: Why do women like to scare each other about labor?

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And no man should be saying it's not so bad until transition LOL GRRRRRRR!
This makes me laugh because my DH is like, it was easy for you. NO... It was easy for YOU! Well I'm glad I made it LOOKED easy to him and I did have a pain free experience but it was still incredibly intense. If it looked easy it was because I totally went inside myself (if that makes sense) and the hard work for me was mentally keeping myself relaxed and in a good state. Looking back at the birthing video I barely moved except for rotating for my hips. Plus I did a lot of work during my pregnancy as far as researching, praying, reading scriptures, exercise, good nutrition etc to prepare. And a baby coming out is the most intense sensation I've ever experience and there's no way I would say it was easy even though it was painless. (btw, he doesn't say it was easy anymore)
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Old 03-13-2012, 10:58 AM   #30
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Re: Why do women like to scare each other about labor?

Laughing-I just ready your post and have to be honest I thought "I wish someone would have scared me a bit more"-I had a pretty rough birth experience with my third and had read one too many "I gave birth peacefully humming in a birth pool in my living room" stories and not only didn't expect the pain but felt dissapointed, cheated and inadquate because I somehow couldn't hum through the birth of my 9lb 11oz delivery. I think from here on out I'll go with the mantra 'all births are different' coupled with how each individual experiences it is different. Some folks hum in their living room others like me feel like their girlie parts are going to split open and scream in agony.... Happy birthing!
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