3 kids, a mortgage, 8 years later and Happily Un-Married!!!

[mommyto3beautifulbabes]

This is us too but since I am a SAHM I am insurance-less!! We are talking about getting married for this reason. We bought our home 4 1/2 years ago and have three little ones together. I was married and divorced twice before I met him so I have been holding out on the marriage thing and don't talk about it much. Thanks for your encouragement. So many people say things to us all of the time about getting married but we are content and happy as is.

[dncegrl]

Yay! We have 2 children, an owned house and are unmarried! We have been together for 7.5 years. We go by the motto, if it's not broke don't fix it!

[songbird516]

Yeah, I agree that being married or not doesn't guarantee happiness. Every relationship takes work. But for me, marriage isn't just a piece of paper, but represents an acknowledgement that our union is approved in God's sight. It's been a lot of work for the past 9 years, but every year our marriage gets better.
If you and your partner had problems, you'd have the same issues as other married couples who have kids and get divorced, but maybe even worse. A coworker of my husband is having problems with his "fiance" of several years. They had a baby last year together and she hasn't taken care of the poor child for more than a few hours since she was born. (I think that she may have had PPD). He has been providing for her, yet she cheats on him with other guys and goes out drinking, while living in the same house with him and their daughter. Maybe they would still be together if they were married, and maybe not. But the problems are the same no matter what.

And lol, I guess I'm out-of-place in this part of the forum; I just saw the subject and decided to respond. It just makes me sad that the marriage arrangement isn't respected as much as it used to be, by married and unmarried people.

[4boys1girlforme]

I support living your life however you chose but for myself and my children I want the legal protection marriage provides. If my husband or I couldn't make our own medical decisions I want the other to be able to step in and make those decisions. I also need the health insurance my husband's job provides and many other benefits that we receive by being legally joined.

I also support gay marriage- I don't think sexual orientation should preclude you from the benefits others enjoy.

[*BAD2theBUNZ*]

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[*BAD2theBUNZ*]

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[moonlightblonde]

Do most insurances not cover common-law? We aren't married (& I never want to be) but I am covered the same way my children are.

[4boys1girlforme]

Originally Posted by moonlightblonde Do most insurances not cover common-law? We aren't married (& I never want to be) but I am covered the same way my children are.

I know if I wasn't married my husband could not provide me with health insurance through his employer- he could provide his children with insurance since they are legal dependents. State provided insurance does not take marriage into account- it's income based.

[4boys1girlforme]

Another thing to consider is say even if you were "common law" in your state (legal guidelines vary from state to state from living together for 6 months up to 7 years) say you're traveling and get into an accident (or one of you has a major health event), and suddenly you *don't* have spousal rights for care management, or even visiting... :/

ETA if not married make sure you have BIG life insurance policies and that you are named as beneficiaries in each other's pension/retirement plans. As for social security, if the state of domicile does not recognize common law marriage then the surviving spouse would not be deemed married for purposes of federal law and would not be entitled to any ss benefit.

"Common law marriage in North Carolina
A common law marriage cannot be created under North Carolina law. However, a common law marriage validly established in another state will be recognized by North Carolina courts. Approximately twelve states recognize common law marriage. In those states the couple generally must do more than simply live together; generally, they must:

Have the intent to be married
Cohabitate
Hold themselves out to the public as if married
Meet other state requirements
Therefore, if a couple living in another state established a common law marriage and moved to North Carolina, they have the rights of a married couple and would also need to divorce before remarrying to avoid a bigamous second marriage. Individuals who established legally valid common law marriages in other states must follow the normal process to obtain a divorce from a North Carolina court before they can remarry.

Putative marriage
Some states recognize a putative spouse doctrine. This doctrine allows a person who proves they had a good faith belief they were married to have the rights of a true spouse. While it doesn't appear that the State of North Carolina recognizes this doctrine, some North Carolina court decisions use the same equitable principles. Contact an attorney for information on the putative spouse doctrine.

Under Federal law, a person who qualifies as a putative spouse may be entitled to Social Security benefits.

Contract rights of unmarried couples
If an unmarried couple enters an express or implied contract, North Carolina Courts will generally enforce it under contract law unless it is based on sexual services. Therefore, couples who live together often have claims to property under a contract theory. For example, if one promises to deed you half the house in exchange for "fixing it up," a contract claim may be made. Also, if the parties purchase a house together as an unmarried couple and later split up, one may have to sue the other with a Petition to Partition to divide their legal interests in the real property.

Palimony
Though "palimony" isn't a legal term, it has become understood to mean support paid by an unmarried person to their former cohabitant. At this time the State of North Carolina doesn't recognize a palimony action (made famous by the Marvin v. Marvin California decision). However, North Carolina does allow contracts between co-habitors to be enforced as long as they are not based upon sexual services."

[dncegrl]

Common law isn't recognized in my state.
With my last job, the insurance covered domestic partnerships so my SO was covered which was super nice!