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Old 06-10-2012, 02:26 PM   #11
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I think this is my biggest issue.
The more I've thought about it...while it bugs me that she calls someone else mom, if that's what SHE chooses to do i'll suck it up. Teaching my child to lie to me and keep secrets from me is never acceptable.

She spent last Tuesday with my mom. She took her shopping and to lunch. I, generally, don't allow her to have soda. My mom asked her what she wanted to drink with her lunch and she said she wanted some soda...and that she knew she wasn't allowed to have it but that it was okay because they just wouldn't tell mommy. Maybe I'd let this pass if it was an isolated issue, but it's not. Them teaching her to keep secrets and not tell me things, is also passing on to her thinking she can do whatever she wants and just won't tell me.
And that is an issue. Good luck momma.

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Old 06-10-2012, 05:59 PM   #12
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I would definitely address this with your ex and his girlfriend, promptly. The thing that disturbs me is the fact that these two think it's alright to encourage a child to lie and hide things from her mother. That's not ok, ever.
This
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Old 06-16-2012, 07:22 PM   #13
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I've been in this situation before. My ex had a totally wacked out psycho GF, that he later married and is now estranged from. My DS was 2-5 while she was around. She was always pulling crap like this and even went as far to say TO MY SON that she'd be a better mommy to him because I don't treat him right. Mind you, her and ex had their kids taken away from them by CPS around this time. Totally speak up. Its rude, immature and disrespectful. Courts don't mess around with this either. I brought it up to my attorney at the time and he was concerned. Its manipulation of a child and its not ok.

I ended up finding out because my son came home crying and I got it out of him because he thought I wasn't his mom anymore and he was really upset. Its confusing to them. They pulled the same "don't tell your mom" card. Thank God my ex and I Co parent peacefully now without this crazy person interfering.
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Old 06-17-2012, 12:01 AM   #14
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Re: DD has a "secret mommy"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Freedom View Post
I would definitely address this with your ex and his girlfriend, promptly. The thing that disturbs me is the fact that these two think it's alright to encourage a child to lie and hide things from her mother. That's not ok, ever.
This.

But, when you talk to him, do it at first just on the basis that lying and asking your DD to lie is flat out wrong. Don't throw in the stuff about C/S scars, and giving birth and such because if he is a jerk he will focus on that and you will just be a jealous person in his eyes, with a position of no merit. Go with the strong argument and just factually state that it is super wrong to tell her to lie. You will get farther that way.
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Old 06-17-2012, 12:13 AM   #15
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This.

But, when you talk to him, do it at first just on the basis that lying and asking your DD to lie is flat out wrong. Don't throw in the stuff about C/S scars, and giving birth and such because if he is a jerk he will focus on that and you will just be a jealous person in his eyes, with a position of no merit. Go with the strong argument and just factually state that it is super wrong to tell her to lie. You will get farther that way.
Completely agree, and

My oldest has already said I should be dating so I can get him a new dad. I've repeatedly explained to him and his 5 yr old brother that my STBX is still their dad, but kids have weird ideas... It may not even be something their encouraging. But the keeping things from mommy is definitely not okay!

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Old 06-17-2012, 05:44 AM   #16
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We talked about it, I didn't bring up any of the other stuff as that's how I feel personally and has nothing to do with her deciding she deserves to be called mommy.

I just said that I was upset that they were teaching her to keep secrets, lie to me and they were upsetting her by saying I would be angry with her. There were a few times we would be outside and she's pick me flowers and say "mommy this is so you won't be angry at me anymore" and it just made me so sad that she thinks I would be.

He denies all of it, which is his usual take on things. I'm not sure if he started having her call his GF mommy, if the GF started it or if my DD did...but she came home the other afternoon and said she called her by her real name & not mommy anymore.
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Old 06-17-2012, 06:47 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beaners_Mom
He denies all of it, which is his usual take on things. I'm not sure if he started having her call his GF mommy, if the GF started it or if my DD did...but she came home the other afternoon and said she called her by her real name & not mommy anymore.
I'm glad at least she isn't doing it anymore. My ex always denied everything too when it came to his gf/wife. Which to me is hilarious.... Because a three or four year old really cannot make this stuff up!
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Old 06-17-2012, 07:09 AM   #18
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Gosh I am so sorry. glad you got away from that jerk.
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Old 06-19-2012, 06:44 AM   #19
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His newest thing....I *just* got a BF (someone I knew for almost a year before we started dating...and I haven't really dated anyone since baby daddy & I split up 3 1/2 years ago). So anyways, he tells our 4 1/2 year old that I have a boyfriend now and it means I won't be around as much and I won't have enough love for them both, so eventually I'll leave her. I'm like "WHO SAYS THAT WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU"?? So when I asked him about it, he denied it...said I made it all up, I love the drama etc. I ended up introducing my daughter to my BF because she was so upset over it. After they met she said "oh mama, you're not going anywhere". She just needed to be reassured I guess? But according to him I made it all up to introduce my kid to my BF. It just sucks for her.

I can ignore it, but she has to spend one night a week at his house (it's court ordered) and it's not fair that while she's there he can tell her I won't love her any more and that I'm going to leave her. She's 4 1/2 and he sees nothing wrong with his behavior. It's all me.

I'm so very frustrated
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Old 06-19-2012, 06:49 AM   #20
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Just do as you have show her your love Momma. Also, she will see as she gets older this is his habit and will take his words as that just words. Keep showing her that he is all talk.

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