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Old 02-07-2013, 10:45 AM   #331
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

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Originally Posted by Phin'sMom View Post
I think this is my first post here but lately I have been dealing with bitterness towards other mom's who are just coming into this way of thinking that are in their mid-late thirties. I understand that no matter your point in life it's a leap of faith BUT really I am 25 and have had 3 in just under 3 years.....lol it sounds terrible but I am totally struggling.
Anyway, I am Laura! My boys are 3, 1 and 3 months, I am from a quiverful (i don't like the word but what ever) family, so they are of course open to any and all of our babies (my parents only ended up with 4 children on earth and many many in heaven). But I worry about my in-laws, I think my FIL has things he would like to say but my MIL keeps his mouth shut, I am sure they worry about us but that's for them to deal with not us . As my mother in law says, their first was her idea and look how that turned out, number two (DH) was his dad's idea and look how that turned out (eyeroll) but ds3 was God's idea and that turned out so good. (gag me with a spoon they play blatant favorites). I am working really hard to keep them from doing it with our boys, anytime they try I just point it out and I don't think they mean too but just do it instinctively with our oldest.
That was chatty..lol

But another reason for posting is that I am finding myself to be a little bit bitter (again) about the fact I can't let my kids run around when we go places where other people are (even if it's not the right place for it). They must not touch anything when we go to the store, they must keep their hand on the cart 100% of the time, they must talk in soft voices because even if it's ok for one kid to do it it's not ok for 5 or 6 or what ever number to do "blank". It's hard to make them behave lol.
My mom commented this afternoon when she watched us walk into costco, "how is it that the newly 3 year old is the 'big boy the 'responsible' one." and she was proud of me and my parenting for the fact that Phinehas could be the one to walk and close the van door and hold my membership card. I felt so sad for him, does that make sense? (the funny thing is that I was thinking the same thing as I walked in, watching another mama walk out carrying her 3ish year old.)
But I also got an awesome complement in goodwill today too, just to share. A lady complemented me on being such a patient mom, little did she know that talking softly and asking my kids please and thank you is scarier then yelling lol.

Just saying hello!
I worry about my inlaws too. Neither of them are bad people, and they love us and their grandkids but they say things sometimes and they have no idea how hurtful they are.

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Old 02-07-2013, 09:35 PM   #332
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Isabelsmama- first off for your loss.

For us we would probably 1. Not Dtd for 2-3 months. I've had a c-s (bikini cut not classic) and hmmm no. Very painful. Took 6 months to even enjoy Dtd. So for a time we would do other things to keep both of us satisfied and intimate. Also in cases of long-term health issues (cancer, etc) obviously I would hope the husband cared enough to sacrifice his own desires for his wife and be satisified with her by other means. 2. I don't have issues with charting personally. I know some do but I think knowing your fertility signs is not a bad thing. I've never officially charted but I do know when I'm ovulating based on cm and timing (but I'm regular and some aren't).
In the end, I trust God no matter. I believe He does know what's best for me and my family/children. While thinking of death, its scary but what is death compared to eternity? Do we ever have assurance against death? Any one of us can walk out the door today and die. The bible says God has each of our days numbered (psalm 139). He knows every day we will live and He made them.

I think you should have this time not only for you both to heal physically but emotionally. Losing a child is mind and soul numbing. It's a grief unlike any other. Praying for you and your family during this difficult time.
This was a helpful response (as was the PM from raisingcropsandbabies, thank you!) and I have charted ever since my 1 year wedding anniversary which is when I felt convicted to go off birth control. I don't feel it is sinful or taking control away from God by knowing my fertility signs. After all He will have us to get pregnant when He wants and will not when He doesn't, no matter how hard we try to chart or plan. My DH and I also have a very understanding marriage and low libido (sorry TMI) so long periods of abstinence are not uncommon for us including the one we are in now while we figure this out. But God's personal will for our family doesn't seem to include the traditional idea of "quiverful"...for example I don't feel called to stay home with my children (though I applaud and commend those who do because it is such an amazing thing!) We also got married when we were 24 (am just about to be 33 now) and have had the two premature births, one which ended in the baby's death, so I feel strongly right now that His will is for us to try again for one more child and when we hopefully have a healthy baby, we will have to pray hard about what His will is for the best, most Biblically sound way to prevent future pregnancies. Regarding death, I agree that eternity is better compared to life on Earth, especially because I have my dad and my daughter waiting there for me along with Jesus, but since pregnancy sooner than recommended could be life-threatening for me, I guess I see preventing pregnancy as something similar to a cancer patient choosing to undergo chemotherapy or radiation to try to kill the cancer and extend their life. So for a few months I may end up going back to something more reliable than charting...like a birth control pill. It makes me sad as do so many other aspects of this experience of losing Abbie (such as the necessary future c-section...I really enjoyed my vaginal births). But as with everything, I trust that He will work for the good in this situation. Take care mamas and bless all your little ones!
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Old 02-08-2013, 09:25 AM   #333
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

Hi everyone. My name is Hayley. I am 23, my husband, Nate is 24. We just got married 12-21-12 (the day that the world did NOT end. ) We found out on January 17th that we are expecting our first little one. It is a little overwhelming. Hubby is taking his last two classes to get his bachelors in Youth Ministry in order to become a youth pastor. So, I know that we will most likely never be wealthy, but the Lord's work is very gratifying. This was a conviction that I grew up with, my mother came to this way of thinking after my dad had a vasectomy after only having three children. While she wishes she could've had more, she is so thankful for the children she does have.
Nate and I are open to God's leading in this area. And yes, (to the person who asked about fear) it does seem scary sometimes. I am in my early twenties, and apparently quite fertile (getting pregnant in first month of marriage), but I do believe that God knows what we can handle, and that as long as you are honest with Him, and trusting Him with everything, He will take care of you, as one of His children. I actually can't imagine myself with less than four, but part of this mindset does include simply being grateful with what you have. (Of course, I would be open to adoption as well, if something happens and we can only have a few biologically. . .) Anyway, just wanted to introduce myself, as a mommy-to-be who is just starting out on a long, love-filled journey.

BTW, I do chart my cycles, just for the fact that I can know when to expect AF. I see nothing wrong with understanding your body.
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Old 02-08-2013, 09:29 AM   #334
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

Congrats on getting married and on the baby! That is awesome!


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Originally Posted by Dancingham View Post
Hi everyone. My name is Hayley. I am 23, my husband, Nate is 24. We just got married 12-21-12 (the day that the world did NOT end. ) We found out on January 17th that we are expecting our first little one. It is a little overwhelming. Hubby is taking his last two classes to get his bachelors in Youth Ministry in order to become a youth pastor. So, I know that we will most likely never be wealthy, but the Lord's work is very gratifying. This was a conviction that I grew up with, my mother came to this way of thinking after my dad had a vasectomy after only having three children. While she wishes she could've had more, she is so thankful for the children she does have.
Nate and I are open to God's leading in this area. And yes, (to the person who asked about fear) it does seem scary sometimes. I am in my early twenties, and apparently quite fertile (getting pregnant in first month of marriage), but I do believe that God knows what we can handle, and that as long as you are honest with Him, and trusting Him with everything, He will take care of you, as one of His children. I actually can't imagine myself with less than four, but part of this mindset does include simply being grateful with what you have. (Of course, I would be open to adoption as well, if something happens and we can only have a few biologically. . .) Anyway, just wanted to introduce myself, as a mommy-to-be who is just starting out on a long, love-filled journey.

BTW, I do chart my cycles, just for the fact that I can know when to expect AF. I see nothing wrong with understanding your body.
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Old 02-08-2013, 10:57 PM   #335
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

Congraulations, Hayley!!
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Old 02-09-2013, 10:18 AM   #336
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

Congrats Hayley!
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Old 02-09-2013, 10:26 AM   #337
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dancingham
Hi everyone. My name is Hayley. I am 23, my husband, Nate is 24. We just got married 12-21-12 (the day that the world did NOT end. ) We found out on January 17th that we are expecting our first little one. It is a little overwhelming. Hubby is taking his last two classes to get his bachelors in Youth Ministry in order to become a youth pastor. So, I know that we will most likely never be wealthy, but the Lord's work is very gratifying. This was a conviction that I grew up with, my mother came to this way of thinking after my dad had a vasectomy after only having three children. While she wishes she could've had more, she is so thankful for the children she does have.
Nate and I are open to God's leading in this area. And yes, (to the person who asked about fear) it does seem scary sometimes. I am in my early twenties, and apparently quite fertile (getting pregnant in first month of marriage), but I do believe that God knows what we can handle, and that as long as you are honest with Him, and trusting Him with everything, He will take care of you, as one of His children. I actually can't imagine myself with less than four, but part of this mindset does include simply being grateful with what you have. (Of course, I would be open to adoption as well, if something happens and we can only have a few biologically. . .) Anyway, just wanted to introduce myself, as a mommy-to-be who is just starting out on a long, love-filled journey.

BTW, I do chart my cycles, just for the fact that I can know when to expect AF. I see nothing wrong with understanding your body.
We share an anniversary! We have a few years on you though, like 16. Looks like you made good use of the longest night if the year. Hey hey!

Congrats!!
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Old 02-09-2013, 04:47 PM   #338
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

Hi, everybody! I have never posted here but have read most of the thread. I just wanted to talk with some like-minded ladies and get this all out! We don't have any friends or family who trust God with their family size,but I know you mamas will get it and can speak from experience!

My dh and I are both Christians. We were raised in Christian homes, are blessed to have Christian family(siblings and their spouses)my dh was called to preach at a young age and he now pastors the church we attend. My dad is a pastor and my brother is also a preacher.
Although we were raised by Christian parents, both sets of parents(his and mine) had two kids and were done. We knew families growing up that let God decide how many children to give them, but we also remember our families thinking they were odd or that "their beliefs are their business and not for everyone". So we never knew much about trusting God with our childbearing.

Going into marriage, we had discussions about kids. We thought maybe we'd have two or three. It was just something we'd deal with when it came.
So, now we have five. Four were very planned(we would just stop whatever method of birth control we were using at the time) and our fifth was a surprise(birth control pills and breastfeeding). After our fifth was born, God started opening our eyes and showing us that He would love for us to give this to Him and let Him bless us as He sees fit.
Now, the hard part...I am definitely(somewhat?) ready to trust God and watch Him bless and provide, and dh is too, but we are being bombarded by fear and worry. For instance, we don't have a vehicle big enough for any more kids, we worry about doing a good job raising more children, we say we want to trust the Lord for another, but what if God wants to bless us with ten more...on and on and on...

Now, we know and have always believed that God can and will provide our every need. We have seen it happen too many times. We have never doubted that, but now when we are on the verge of taking this step of faith, the fear is HUGE!
The Lord has helped me with alot of it, and I'm to the point where I feel like this isn't something we need to pray about any more. I feel like we know what God expects of us and we should do it.
My dh, on the other hand, is a worrier. He wants to have everything figured out before we do anything. If we had a bigger vehicle, he would be ready for another baby today, but the uncertainty really gets him.

I am now just waiting and praying and watching the Lord work. I know He wants to show us what He has for us, and I know He will take care of us when we finally turn this over to Him!
Sorry that was so long! But I sure feel better now!
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Old 02-09-2013, 04:48 PM   #339
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

We did, we worked on being more healthy through eating well and clean and exercise and it took three years. I suprised doctors because of my condition.
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Old 03-02-2013, 07:51 PM   #340
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

We are also leaving the number of children we have up to God. This took me awhile because I was a single parent for over 12 years when I met my husband. I then became a mom of 3...and then last year (after we decided to let God decide how many children we would have) I got pregnant with #4 at 35. Now, we are hoping to have as many as God will let us have. I am a stay at home mom...we homeschool and right now we have the largest family in my family. I am not too concerned about what my family thinks as God will take care of us. I was a little concerned that my age might hinder any future children we have, but at our church we have friends who are moms at 43 and 45 so I guess I have a few more years left. If God soo blesses us with more...we have also considered adoption if we cannot have any further children ourselves.
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