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Old 06-12-2012, 08:33 AM   #21
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Re: How will I Ever stop wanting more children?

As for the wanting more kids- it's hard. I would look up and memorize all the verses I can find about contentment. Letting God be your satisfaction.

1 Cor 7:17- Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches.

Phil 4:11 Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

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Old 06-12-2012, 09:02 AM   #22
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Re: How will I Ever stop wanting more children?

HUGS!
When DH and I had our first we walked about how many. I said 3. After 2 he told me that was it and he was done. We nearly separated over it. Miserable time in our life. Then he deployed and when he came home he was open to #3. And I wanted him to get the V when #3 was born. But #3 was a girl (we didn't find out and I was soooo sure she was a boy after our 2 girls). He still hasn't called for a consult or taken any measures towards perm bc. And now I find myself craving another baby. Partially because everything about my pg with #3 was disappointing and I was so sure she was HE and that left me sad. I never saw my self as mama to girls only. In fact I thought I would only have boys.

Tally is 14.5 months. I think about new babies all. of. the. time. We had an "accident" last month and I was so excited because I thought I was pg. Then dh started joking about having another baby (and how we'd probably have twins because I'll be 35 this year). But I am 99% sure he's just joking. But I wish he wouldn't.

I want another. I want to be pg again.

DH isn't religious, so I can never give him the "God wants us to have another" line. (But I think it is true) I don't fully submit to him, because we are partners and he isn't my master. I do pray about it often. And haven't come to a feeling of contentment one way or the other. I keep hoping I will. Either start feeling that we are done so I can be happy and move on, or feel like there is another sweet soul waiting to join our family and keep "him" in my heart until "he" joins us.
Either way I totally feel like I am losing my mind and can't concentrate on anything but my cycle. (DH is out of town this month. At least I know we aren't going to get pg this month.)
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Old 06-12-2012, 12:57 PM   #23
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Re: How will I Ever stop wanting more children?

suny- Sorry, I wasn't ignoring your post, we were out in town and I was replying on my phone and wanted to wait until I got home to reply to yours. Very different situations, but very similar "feelings" and this uncontrollable urge almost is what we have in common. I think we can help eachother, atleast i hope we can. I also know my problem is contentment, so not only to I feel guilty for being bitter with my hubs about this, I feel so guilty about not being content with God's timing and His plans for me. I hate myself for this, and I don't want to be like this. I want to be content and I want to feel happy. And yes, I'm sure you would get your urge to experience birth/pregnancy right after your future children were born and the cycle would never end, and I think I'm the same way. No number of children with stop my desires for more. I really think I have the issue and need to find help for it.

I might add that physically I can't have as many children as I want...since all 4 of mine were c/s and I would stop if my doc. advice against more, but gohlee would that be a tough moment for me with a brand new baby to accept that my body really would never have anymore children due to medical reasons...I need to get this resolved before/if I ever reach that because being severely depressed with a newborn wouldn't be somehting I would want to experience.

I think these 2 things only play a small role in my urge for more children, but never giving birth vaginally (my mom had all 6 of us at home) has really made me hurt over the years and I still dream about having them naturally all the time. It's something that was really important to me, and my doc now is not supportive of trying a VBAC again but I still imagine the what if's if I was to ever get pregnant again. I still think just maybe I will be at the end of labor by some rare chance when I get to the hossy and baby just flys out. Totally not likely, but I still think it "could" happen with my "next." I just feel stupid and need to get my head out of the clouds. The other thing is I don't have a daughter. I LOVE my boys, and always wanted boys, never thought I would want a daughter...but I do now, I really do. I can't imagine never having hair to braid or someone commenting that "she" looks just like me. It breaks my heart. But even if I had both genders, had all vaginal births, I would still have these desires, so those things play such a small role in this situation.
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Old 06-12-2012, 12:58 PM   #24
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Re: How will I Ever stop wanting more children?

S@h- SOrry momma you are heartbroken over something similar And thanks for you kind words and support. I hope you also find peace with your situation!
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Old 06-12-2012, 01:01 PM   #25
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Re: How will I Ever stop wanting more children?

Heather- I'm selfish. I don't know why, I just am, and I hate it. You're right, I should want to bring children into this world because both parents truly want it and becasue both parents are truly "parenting" and present during those times. I know. And then I think back to my selfish ways, about him being able to spend his time doing whatever he wants, the least he could do is grant me the life that I have always dreamed about. How is it fair that I have to give up my dream, when he gets to live his (farming)? Those are my thoughts. I know lifes not fair, and I'm just being selfish. I hate that I'm selfish.

Sorry your hubs is the same way I hope both our hubs hearts change, even if its not about the children and just in general! And yes my hubs will make jokes about stuff like that which only puts false hope in my heart. I don't find it funny and its like pouring salt on an open wound.

Another reason I've built up all this hope is because recently we moved into a rental home after our house waited on the market for almost 3years to sell. I mentioned casually a #5 this past winter and he said "we live in too small of a home, if we could ever get our stupid house sold (my husband is very ungrateful) we can have more kids if the house is big enough." Well he just said that because of how badly he wanted our house sold and how elated he would be when it did so he just said that, not really meaning it....but I thought there was potential there.
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Old 06-12-2012, 01:08 PM   #26
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Re: How will I Ever stop wanting more children?

Leaner- Oh momma, I'm sorry! That is tough wanting a son and hubs wanting to be done. Im the same way, I just think all the time about when I will finally become fertile and why it hasn't happened this whole time since hubs never used protection. Just makes me so upset. Sorry you are going through the same thing, I hope you find peace soon with whatever comes!.
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Old 06-12-2012, 01:16 PM   #27
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Re: How will I Ever stop wanting more children?

Erin- Oh Erin, you are so right. While reading that, I know I need to do that, I just am so scared and angry. All I can think about is, what if Bob never changes, what if he is never going to become a Chrisitan? I know I'm sacraficing for God in my heart, but in my head all I can think of is me giving up everything (in this life) that I had dreamed about to submit to a husband that doesn't even appreciate it. I'm in tears over my arrogance and selfishness. I hate myself for being like this. I hate that I DON'T WANT to submit to someone thats not a chrisitan and can be pretty aweful and neglectful most of the times. How do I get through that? How do I just submit (and I know I shouldn't expect anything in return from "him") and get nothing in return from my hubs and he gets to do/act the same way? I just don't know if I can do it. Do christians ever feel like this? I feel like I'm alone.
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Old 06-12-2012, 01:21 PM   #28
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Re: How will I Ever stop wanting more children?

Erin- Can we exchange numbers? I know that sounds really weird, so I completely understand if you are uncomfortable doing that!
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Old 06-12-2012, 01:47 PM   #29
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Re: How will I Ever stop wanting more children?

I am not really sure what I could say top help you as I myself am REALLY strugging with this right now!! All I can offer is that you're not alone.. I am trying to tell myself what is meant to be, will be and live my life that way..But it's very hard...
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Old 06-12-2012, 01:56 PM   #30
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Re: How will I Ever stop wanting more children?

Please don't give up and keep praying! I could have written this 2.5 years ago, I was so sad every month, cried all the time, longed for more children. It wasn't until I stopped trying to convince my dh and gave it over to the LORD that my husband had a complete change of heart. There's a six year gap between our third and fourth. Six very hard, very painful years of so much sadness and crying out to God. I started crying out when I found out we were expecting our third because my dh assured me we would not have anymore and at one point even began the referral for a vasectomy I was so heartbroken. But look at what God has done! Cling to Him! Psalm 113:9 Malachi 2:15

God desires fruitful families! I highly suggest Above Rubies magazine, it's free and loaded with Godly counsel and encouragement, there atelier so many women who have been where you are and God changed their husbands hearts! Please do not grow weary, cry out to Him, cast all your cares upon Him. I'm so sorry you are hurting, I can so relate to that pain sister!
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