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Old 07-13-2012, 05:48 PM   #1
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Time outs?

DD is 18 mos. now, i'm not entirely sure i even agree with the whole time out thing - think about it we were all raised without them and most of us are ok- but theoretically if we were going to start doing time outs, is it too early and how the heck would you do it anyway? It's not like i can send her to the other room (shes the kind of kid who is climbing the furniture the minute your back is turned) and short of physically restraining her i dont see how i would get her to sit still.
And what exactly constitutes a time out in your house? Most of her issues right now are little tantrums because we wont give her something she wants (like a knife or something, thats shes really not going to get). But she is starting to test (throwing is a big thing rigjt now) and im wondering if a couple reminders and then a time out would be apprpriate.
And like i said im not sold on the whole thing anyway, so if YOU dont do time outs what would you suggest? We are mostly surrounded by time out ers and spank ers

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Old 07-13-2012, 06:31 PM   #2
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Re: Time outs?

We don't do time out for tantrums, but we do for disobedience. We do 1-2-3 magic. It's a good book and seems to work for us. We just say "we don't do xyz.. That's one." then "that's two" then if it happens again " that's three, time out". We do 1 minute for each year old. At first we just sat him an a chair and stood next to him but not talking to him. Now he sits on his own. After the time is over we explain in 1-2 sentences why he was in time out, hug him, tell him we love him, and all is forgotten.
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Old 07-13-2012, 06:50 PM   #3
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Re: Time outs?

For my kids that age would have been too young to start to much with punishment (time outs etc.) just because they would not "really" have understood what I was saying. (example: they may understand "we do not hit" but NOT "you stay here and don't move because I told you not to hit"). For my kids that was more around 2-2.5 years old.

I started with time outs at about 2.5 years and don't use them in the traditional sense. I don't put my kids in for any specific length of time or make them stay in only one spot without moving. Usually if I use them it is for tantrums either initialed by the child (I want a cookie!) or by a consequence (I told you not to hit Sally again and you didn't listen so its time to have a nap, tantrum now begins etc). I tell the child that its OK to get mad or frustrated but we don't hit and if they need to yell/whine and scream they can do it in *insert location* (my front entrance hallway worked for me) because it hurts Mommy's ears and head. We they are done they can come find me.

Sometime I have to repeat the statement and take them back there once or twice but most times they just come get me when they are calm. Then we take about using our words when we are upset etc. The trick is not being angry with them.

I hope this makes sense. Bouncing a whiney baby as I type!
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Old 07-13-2012, 06:50 PM   #4
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Re: Time outs?

dp

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Old 07-13-2012, 07:05 PM   #5
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Re: Time outs?

We start time out at around a year old. They sit in the naughty spot (a small wooden chair) for 1 minute per age. The naughty spot is used until they are three then they are to place their nose on the wall and stand with their hands behind their back. The same time frame is used (minute per age) time out does not start until you stand correctly if you spend five min playing in the corner than that is your time your wasting. I grew up sitting in time out when
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Old 07-13-2012, 07:12 PM   #6
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Re: Time outs?

My daughter is 27 mo and time out has been working well since about 18 mo. At that age we out her in a pack n play for time out (she NEVER played in it) or in her high chair. When the throwing started, we took whatever she threw away immediately. If she had a fit, she had a fit. She stopped throwing things less than a week later. Kids need boundaries and predictability. If she knows there is an unpleasant consequence for misbehaving, she'll be less likely to repeat the action. I always try to remind myself that it's a child's job to make mistakes. How else will they learn to be mature adults?
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Old 07-13-2012, 07:19 PM   #7
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Re: Time outs?

Quote:
Originally Posted by dancermommy1 View Post
We don't do time out for tantrums, but we do for disobedience. We do 1-2-3 magic. It's a good book and seems to work for us. We just say "we don't do xyz.. That's one." then "that's two" then if it happens again " that's three, time out". We do 1 minute for each year old. At first we just sat him an a chair and stood next to him but not talking to him. Now he sits on his own. After the time is over we explain in 1-2 sentences why he was in time out, hug him, tell him we love him, and all is forgotten.
I have never heard of the book but this is similar to what we do. It worked well on my niece. We have just started time outs with our 13 month old. Mostly we use the time outs for persistently doing what he was told not to. Our lo likes to play with cords. Unplugging lamps and phones. Even with redirection and removal he will still stubbornly go after them. I finally started setting him down on a chair and stood next to him until the timer went off. He understands he isn't supposed to touch the cords and waits until he thinks we are distracted.

Temper tantrums we just ignore. They don't seem to last long.

We only use it if we feel he is understanding what is expected of him otherwise it is a waste of time.
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Old 07-13-2012, 08:02 PM   #8
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Re: Time outs?

We also started at 18 months by putting her in her playpen for a minute. Now she's two and she gets plopped on the couch in her room for a few minutes. I say "Do not get up from that spot until I come back." it seems to work. Time outs are for really bad things like the time she sprinted out the back yard and into the street. Or alternatively if she gets willful and doesn't listen to me when I say no.
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Old 07-13-2012, 08:12 PM   #9
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Re: Time outs?

For my child, that would be too young.

but.. my friend started timeouts at 15months for things like hitting/etc. She started by putting him in the corner and standing there so he couldn't leave. Then after he started understanding that he was going to stand there, she got to the point where she could walk away and he would stay until she said he could get out. He's 18months now.

I do not do timeout in my house except for putting your feet on the table. Then I turn her chair around so she's away from the table and away from us for a minute or as long as it takes her to stop screaming about it. I do it immediately, so that she associates putting her foot on the table with being removed from the table.

For tantrums for not getting something she wants, she gets told not to throw a fit. If she persists and throws herself on the floor, I either ignore it, or I go and stand her back up and tell her to stop. If she tantrums to not come with me when I need her to come, she gets a swat/small spanking.
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Old 07-13-2012, 08:36 PM   #10
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We started time outs at that age. It was basically to remove DS from whatever and wherever he was not following rules. His time out spot is the middle of our hallway so we can see him from most every room. When we first started, he didn't really catch on but it distracted him enough to stop the behavior about half the time. He didn't really stay there unless I sat with him in my lap to calm us both down.

He pretty quickly understood what we were doing and started to tell us he would be "nice" so we'd let him back to play. He really got the connection that his actions were causing him to be away from us (but safe and watched). Now at 28 months, I often tell him to go to the hallway and he runs right there to sit down. Then we talk about why he is there (hitting, throwing, etc) and how that could hurt. He gets up when he is ready but is usually only in the hallway for a minute or two. He usually comes over now to give us a hug and say he is sorry.

I was never a huge fan of the idea of timeout, but I think it helps both of us to stop the situation and gives us a little space to get emotions under control.

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