Diaper Swappers

evasimone · 08-04-2012, 09:25 PM

I am having a home birth. DH originally wasn't on board, once he met the midwife and listened to my reasoning and realized the midwife knew her stuff he's changed his viewpoint. He also loves how convenient everything has been, I mean my bloodwork is done by the midwife, I had an ultrasound in the evening at our home and the tech put everything on the bigscreen tv for him to watch.

I think if DH was still completely against the homebirth I'd be looking for a compromise or having a huge heart to heart and trying to get to the bottom of his lack of support. Ultimately its your body and your baby and you should have the greater say but your DH should have some say. I am really sorry that you are having to deal with this and I hope you can come to a bit more of an agreement.

evasimone · 08-05-2012, 10:23 AM

Just in case this might help, I had my husband and father read this and it helped them feel a lot more comfortable (my dad is still hesitant but he puts a ton of stock in consumer reports so he can't find it in his heart to disagree

). It also helps that it was written by consumer reports and not the birth/midwife community:

https://www.consumerreports.org/cro/...ting/index.htm

It isn't focused just on homebirth but it helped my husband to realize that alot of the typical things he'd thought were necessary were either completely unnecessary or possibly harmful. Once he realized that he was much more comfortable with my plans and agreed with my more hands off approach.

amandajiggles · 08-05-2012, 11:35 AM

DH was against it with DD1 because he was scared, and we were in an apartment and he thought that it would be weird.

Now we're expecting #2 any day now. We have the same midwives as we did with our first and he is more comfortable with the process. We both hated our hospital experience. I explained to him that his nervousness IN the hospital made it hard for me to relax. I also said that now that we are in our own house there is nobody else to disturb, and we can literally see the hospital from our house and it is a block away.

I got him to agree to labouring at home pretty early on. If I go into labour on my own (didn't with DD1) I want to stay here as long as possible. If everything is going well and we're all comfortable I want to stay. The midwives said that this was reasonable, and we discussed DH's fears. Our hospital doesn't have any OB's there waiting for babies. They come in as called, we will 100% beat the on-call doctor to the hospital in the case of an emergency. Even if we were in the hospital we would still be waiting for the OB to arrive in case something needed to be done right away to get baby out.

Perhaps you should discuss your husband's fears over the home birth. Discuss some sort of compromise, try the "labour at home" go in if things get scary. For a 2nd child your birth is very unpredictable. It could happen quite quickly and it's important to be prepared for an emergency delivery at home either way. My midwives said that even if we weren't planning on a home birth or labouring at home it was important to have the homebirth supplies on the ready just in case baby has other plans.

You Tell 'Em · 08-10-2012, 09:35 AM

I haven't read the responses but with DD#2 I wanted a HB, told hubby and he was against it. I told him to do his research to prove to me that giving birth in the hospital was better and he came out of the office in less than an hour with the following compromise: See an OB at the same time as the midwife. After our second appointment with the OB (he came with me to the previous one too) he told me it was up to me to continue to see the OB or not. From then on out he was on board.

I think had I not had postpartum hemorrhage and had to transfer to the hospital [due to a super fast labor] (which was under control by the time the ambulance showed up at our house) he would be open to another one for this baby #3 (if we were in our own home and not my MILs). This time I've compromised to an OB and hospital but I was lucky to find an OB on board with everything I want and an awesome reputation to back him up... even though it's a 30-45 minute drive.

I hope you two can reach a nice compromise you both will be happy with

marliah · 08-10-2012, 01:11 PM

I couldn't do a homebirth if my DH weren't on board with it. We just had #5 at home, our first homebirth

we had planned to have our fourth at home but she came to early and was born enroute to the hospital in the ambulance. Thankfully she was just fine even though she came 4 weeks early. But I did have to do my mandatory 24 hours in the hospital.

The 3 boys were all planned to be born in the hospital because my husbands insurance covered hospital births and not homebirths, so even though I wanted homebirths with them I didnt get them. My 3rd son came super fast and was born at home, not planned, birthed by Daddy, then we went to the hospital after. It was after his birth we started talking about homebirth if we had more children (at that time DH was opposed to more, but since God has changed his heart on that, but thats another story

which I also love sharing). So barring any medical emergency we plan to have any future children at home now.

I share that because my dream to homebirth took 5 children to happen but each one of them are such blessings and their births were beautiful experiences even inside the hospital.

Having your DH on board with you and respecting his wishes will bring more joy than just doing what you want to do. Its so important to be united with your husband on these things, even if it means giving something up. Maybe next time he will consider a homebirth? you never know

momma.

navyswag · 08-16-2012, 02:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marliah

I couldn't do a homebirth if my DH weren't on board with it. We just had #5 at home, our first homebirth

we had planned to have our fourth at home but she came to early and was born enroute to the hospital in the ambulance. Thankfully she was just fine even though she came 4 weeks early. But I did have to do my mandatory 24 hours in the hospital.

The 3 boys were all planned to be born in the hospital because my husbands insurance covered hospital births and not homebirths, so even though I wanted homebirths with them I didnt get them. My 3rd son came super fast and was born at home, not planned, birthed by Daddy, then we went to the hospital after. It was after his birth we started talking about homebirth if we had more children (at that time DH was opposed to more, but since God has changed his heart on that, but thats another story

which I also love sharing). So barring any medical emergency we plan to have any future children at home now.

I share that because my dream to homebirth took 5 children to happen but each one of them are such blessings and their births were beautiful experiences even inside the hospital.

Having your DH on board with you and respecting his wishes will bring more joy than just doing what you want to do. Its so important to be united with your husband on these things, even if it means giving something up. Maybe next time he will consider a homebirth? you never know

momma.

I think this mama is right-on. Respect is so important to husbands and it will be worth it in the long run to respect his wishes over your desire to HB. That said, since it's so late in the pregnancy to find a doctor/OB (and most won't take you for liability reasons), maybe you can still ask him to be objective and look at the research? Men love facts and this book is full of study after study comparing home birth to hospital birth: The Thinking Woman's Guide to Childbirth. It is what converted me (my DH has 5 siblings born at home and was more comfortable with it than me) and now I would only consider HB.

Michelle_M · 08-20-2012, 10:47 PM

I wanted a home birth with DS3. My DH was very against it. Our compromise was a midwife at a birth center.

I was ok with it because it still wasn't a hospital. And he was comfortable with it as well. So that was our compromise.

I think that as women we can sometimes get so caught up in "It's my body so it's my right to do it how I want," and we forget that our husbands worry about us. I could have pushed and gotten him to agree to a home birth, but honestly he was so uncomfortable with the idea, and scared by it.. so I felt like it wouldn't have been fair to cause him such anxiety in a time when I needed him there to support me.

So, he agreed to tour a couple of birth centers with me. We both felt really comfortable with the one we picked, and we had an amazing experience. So when I got pregnant this time, and told him that I wanted to go back the same birth center and midwife, he was totally on board and I had no need to "convince" him.

I think if your DH is this unsupportive about a home birth, then it's not fair to him to put him in this position.. where he's going to be too anxious to support you in the moments when you need it the most.

I think you should listen to why he doesn't want you to do home birth, explain why YOU don't want to do a hospital birth, .. and see if maybe a free standing birth center is a compromise that you can both live with.

God bless!

court3189 · 08-20-2012, 10:53 PM

I didn't have one because SO was against it..similar to what the PP said, it really scared him and I didn't want it to be a terrifying experience for him. Which in the end was fine-I ended up with pre-e and polyhydraminos, delivering an almost 10 lb baby (shoulder dystocia) with a genetic syndrome and heart defect...without pain meds in a hospital room. Definitely wasn't the humming in a birth pool in my living room experience I was looking for, but I got an amazing little girl in the end....

blhuns01 · 08-28-2012, 05:54 PM

I suppose I disagree with the previous posters. I think that it is your body so you get to make the decisions. I had a HB 5 months ago and I told DH that I was doing it from the very beginning. At first he was nervous about it but then we researched it together and he really loved our MW. He came around and really supported me.

My husband was my #1 support through labor and I really couldn't have done it without him. He was so awesome! However, it irritates me that your husband has refused to discuss HB and then all of a sudden is mad about it. Try to get him to see your side but IMO I think you should try for the birth you want as long as it is safe for you to do so. When he pushes a baby out of his vagina then he can call the shots.

delicatefade · 08-28-2012, 06:08 PM

I agree with the women who said that husband's need our respect. I really wanted a homebirth last time, but didn't do it because DH didn't like the idea. I didn't want to do anything to put our relationship under unnecessary strain.

08-04-2012, 09:25 PM	#11
evasimone Registered Users Join Date: Sep 2011 Posts: 1,351 Ratings: 6 Feedback: 100%	Re: Home Birth, husband not supportive I am having a home birth. DH originally wasn't on board, once he met the midwife and listened to my reasoning and realized the midwife knew her stuff he's changed his viewpoint. He also loves how convenient everything has been, I mean my bloodwork is done by the midwife, I had an ultrasound in the evening at our home and the tech put everything on the bigscreen tv for him to watch. I think if DH was still completely against the homebirth I'd be looking for a compromise or having a huge heart to heart and trying to get to the bottom of his lack of support. Ultimately its your body and your baby and you should have the greater say but your DH should have some say. I am really sorry that you are having to deal with this and I hope you can come to a bit more of an agreement. __________________ E, wife to my rock, S 2009 Mama to DD 1/13 ISO Gypsymama Bali Breeze Wrap size B

08-05-2012, 10:23 AM	#12
evasimone Registered Users Join Date: Sep 2011 Posts: 1,351 Ratings: 6 Feedback: 100%	Re: Home Birth, husband not supportive Just in case this might help, I had my husband and father read this and it helped them feel a lot more comfortable (my dad is still hesitant but he puts a ton of stock in consumer reports so he can't find it in his heart to disagree ). It also helps that it was written by consumer reports and not the birth/midwife community: https://www.consumerreports.org/cro/...ting/index.htm It isn't focused just on homebirth but it helped my husband to realize that alot of the typical things he'd thought were necessary were either completely unnecessary or possibly harmful. Once he realized that he was much more comfortable with my plans and agreed with my more hands off approach. __________________ E, wife to my rock, S 2009 Mama to DD 1/13 ISO Gypsymama Bali Breeze Wrap size B

08-05-2012, 11:35 AM	#13
amandajiggles Registered Users Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Niagara Falls, ON Posts: 728 Ratings: 24 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: Home Birth, husband not supportive DH was against it with DD1 because he was scared, and we were in an apartment and he thought that it would be weird. Now we're expecting #2 any day now. We have the same midwives as we did with our first and he is more comfortable with the process. We both hated our hospital experience. I explained to him that his nervousness IN the hospital made it hard for me to relax. I also said that now that we are in our own house there is nobody else to disturb, and we can literally see the hospital from our house and it is a block away. I got him to agree to labouring at home pretty early on. If I go into labour on my own (didn't with DD1) I want to stay here as long as possible. If everything is going well and we're all comfortable I want to stay. The midwives said that this was reasonable, and we discussed DH's fears. Our hospital doesn't have any OB's there waiting for babies. They come in as called, we will 100% beat the on-call doctor to the hospital in the case of an emergency. Even if we were in the hospital we would still be waiting for the OB to arrive in case something needed to be done right away to get baby out. Perhaps you should discuss your husband's fears over the home birth. Discuss some sort of compromise, try the "labour at home" go in if things get scary. For a 2nd child your birth is very unpredictable. It could happen quite quickly and it's important to be prepared for an emergency delivery at home either way. My midwives said that even if we weren't planning on a home birth or labouring at home it was important to have the homebirth supplies on the ready just in case baby has other plans. __________________ Amanda EBF'ing, CDing, Co-Sleeping, Semi-Crunchy WOHM Mommy to DD Charlotte (Sept 2, 2009) DD Caroline (Aug 19, 2012)

08-10-2012, 09:35 AM	#14
You Tell 'Em For Your Advocacy Shirt Needs Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Sunny Southern California Posts: 7,017 Ratings: 334 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: Home Birth, husband not supportive I haven't read the responses but with DD#2 I wanted a HB, told hubby and he was against it. I told him to do his research to prove to me that giving birth in the hospital was better and he came out of the office in less than an hour with the following compromise: See an OB at the same time as the midwife. After our second appointment with the OB (he came with me to the previous one too) he told me it was up to me to continue to see the OB or not. From then on out he was on board. I think had I not had postpartum hemorrhage and had to transfer to the hospital [due to a super fast labor] (which was under control by the time the ambulance showed up at our house) he would be open to another one for this baby #3 (if we were in our own home and not my MILs). This time I've compromised to an OB and hospital but I was lucky to find an OB on board with everything I want and an awesome reputation to back him up... even though it's a 30-45 minute drive. I hope you two can reach a nice compromise you both will be happy with __________________ Alexandria~mama to 3 girls (, , ) ISO/IHA & WAHM Wares New Designs - Testers Needed!

08-10-2012, 01:11 PM	#15
marliah Registered Users Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Maine Posts: 1,360 Ratings: 24 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: Home Birth, husband not supportive I couldn't do a homebirth if my DH weren't on board with it. We just had #5 at home, our first homebirth we had planned to have our fourth at home but she came to early and was born enroute to the hospital in the ambulance. Thankfully she was just fine even though she came 4 weeks early. But I did have to do my mandatory 24 hours in the hospital. The 3 boys were all planned to be born in the hospital because my husbands insurance covered hospital births and not homebirths, so even though I wanted homebirths with them I didnt get them. My 3rd son came super fast and was born at home, not planned, birthed by Daddy, then we went to the hospital after. It was after his birth we started talking about homebirth if we had more children (at that time DH was opposed to more, but since God has changed his heart on that, but thats another story which I also love sharing). So barring any medical emergency we plan to have any future children at home now. I share that because my dream to homebirth took 5 children to happen but each one of them are such blessings and their births were beautiful experiences even inside the hospital. Having your DH on board with you and respecting his wishes will bring more joy than just doing what you want to do. Its so important to be united with your husband on these things, even if it means giving something up. Maybe next time he will consider a homebirth? you never know momma. __________________ Tara Joyfully serving Yeshua, Happy helpmeet to my dear husband J, Blessed momma to: J - 13, M - 11, D - 8, R - 27mo , M - 7mo and praying for more!