Home Birth, husband not supportive

[foodie.yarnie.mommie.]

My first birth experience, in a hospital, was really, really bad so when we found out we were pregnant with our 2nd, I told hubby I wanted a homebirth. He was sooo not on board and like others thought it was dangerous. I explained to him all that I had read and that I thought it was perfectly safe etc. I told him where to go to find info and that if he still came to that conclusion we would talk about it again. But I did stress that I could just not go through another birth like our first and asked him to try to remember how crazy it was. Basically he didn't want to do the leg work and research it so he lost any ground he might have had in my opinion. I found a midwife, he liked her and was pleasant with her but definitely let her know he didn't think this was the greatest idea ever. We had an amazing homebirth with DD and he was sold, saying, "we're definitely having all our other kids that way!" Unfortunately I risked out of my last HB and YDS is our last kiddo, but I'm so grateful to have that one really amazing experience that was more than just childbirth. Good luck mama, hope ya'll can come to some common ground.

[cathplyr]

I had a homebirth with my one and only and I wouldnt do it any other way. If you have to compromise go to a birthing center. But why should you have to go to a hospital and be miserable for him. Birth is painful and why should you not be as comfortable as you can! stay home- you will be glad you did. My whole family and the in-laws and everyone else was so mad at me the whole preg. everyone tried to scare me about that tiny possibility of an emergency. But I wasnt listening. and Im glad I didnt. I listened to my instincts first and foremost. I have only positive memories about my HB. as the day gets closer I bet you will see him become more supportive. good luck.

[Palooka]

It sounds like you need a serious talk with your hubby. Having a good birth experience, whether at home or in the hospital, requires that everyone present be on-board. If you give birth at home and your hubby is angry or unprepared, it won't be a great time. If you give birth at a hospital and things don't go just right you will blame him and be miserable. Some things in life you can say "forget you, I'll do it on my own!" but for me, childbirth wasn't one of them. I NEEDED my hubby there supporting me, holding my hand, telling people what was okay and what wasn't. I needed him to be my rock. I was considering a home birth at first, but he wasn't down with it so we agreed on midwives and a birthing center. It wasn't totally the birth I wanted, there were problems, but it was the birth that we both agreed to and that we both felt prepared for. Now hubby and I both agree that out next will be a home birth, but we have no regrets about our compromise the first time.

[waterisntsomething]

SO was against the home birth until I made him watch The Business of Being Born. It totally changedh is mind. Also, my trick for getting him to read stuff is putting it on the back of the toilet, remove anything else to read, and he will read it. It's not like you can get up mid poop to get another book. If you can't get him to open his mind to it I would personally rather give birth at home and make him leave. I understand equality in parenting but in my opinion birth is about me and the baby. I will not sacrifice what makes me comfortable and put myself in a position that could potentially draw my labor out and at worst severely traumatize me so the person who doesn't have to push a human being out of their body will be happy. I really hope you can get him to see reason.

[JennTheMomma]

I would have still had a HB if DH was against it, to be honest. While I fully respect his opinions, I will not compromise on my health and that of our baby's just because he isn't comfortable or doesn't like something. I am the one who has to go through birth and I should be the one to decide where the safest place for that birth is. Plus it is normally the women who do all the research so why should a woman compromise for someone who didn't do research? However, neither DH nor I enjoyed our first hospital birth, so DH was 100% on board with a homebirth with ds2 and we are now planning a homebirth with #3 and DH doesn't think there is any other way *unless* there is medical reason for a hospital birth.

You need to sit down with your partner and ask him to listen to you fully. Tell him why you want a homebirth, the stats on hospital intervention and how studies show homebirth is just as safe (and normally safer without intervention), etc. Tell him your true feelings. I totally understand husbands wanting to protect their wives, but most moms give birth at home to protect their babies.

[blhuns01]

Originally Posted by cathplyr I had a homebirth with my one and only and I wouldnt do it any other way. If you have to compromise go to a birthing center. But why should you have to go to a hospital and be miserable for him. Birth is painful and why should you not be as comfortable as you can! stay home- you will be glad you did. My whole family and the in-laws and everyone else was so mad at me the whole preg. everyone tried to scare me about that tiny possibility of an emergency. But I wasnt listening. and Im glad I didnt. I listened to my instincts first and foremost. I have only positive memories about my HB. as the day gets closer I bet you will see him become more supportive. good luck.

This! My FIL told DH that me and our son would die and it would be his fault because he "let" me have a homebirth. But guess what, it was my birth and I had a wonderful experience exactly the way I wanted it!!

[dissidentdad]

I am a DH that was very, almost angrily at times, against home birth at first. If he won't even talk to you about your plans then I feel you have bigger issues. If he feels as strongly as he does about the health of his baby and feels that your choice to have a homebirth is wrong and jeopardizes his child's life then I don't know why he isn't constantly arguing with you and trying to change your mind.

We moved to Northern California a couple of years prior to getting pregnant and my sweet lady engaged many things that a go-getting alpha east coaster like myself just rolled my eyes about. But when it came to a homebirth I was very against it, we also lived about 25 minutes from a hospital, though I could get there in 9 minutes if I needed to. I thought she wanted to do it because it was a fad and she had friends who were doing it, some of who I still think are idiots for different reasons.

I'm a fact and science guy, emotions and connections are important to me, but my first priority is the safety and condition of my child. The effects of stress have ten times the impact on a laboring mother and a being born/just born baby. Stress caused by the various issues in a hospital, people screaming, bright lights, being prodded and grabbed and flipped and cut, etc does not create a healthy environment to deliver a baby. It causes the mother to fight against her body and is not the environment anyone's baby would choose if we could communicate with them prior to being born. Also, historically, the worst place to have a baby is in a hospital, I could rant about this but I'll just say Twilight Births. I would say a hospital is more expensive, but we paid more for our midwife than we would have at the hospital, she was worth it.

I do have to say that I disagree with the sentiment that a baby belongs to anyone other than themselves, and if the only reason someone is having a homebirth is because it's there "right", they are a child. We should have homebirths because it is the healthiest option available for ourselves and our children. We do not have rights to our children, we have responsibilities and legally we have custody, there is a very large difference and the misunderstanding is part of the bigger issues in our society.

[waterisntsomething]

Any updates mama?

[jensmyname]

What about a birthing center? Would that be more of a compromise? We have a birthing center that is just around the corner from the hospital. Maybe that would make him more comfortable.

[omahonycm]

Just a fun update many months later. I did get my home birth. In fact, it turned into an unplanned unassisted! DH walked into the living room just in time to see me catch the baby in my hands. The midwife got there a half hour later. We realised that if I had planned to go to the hospital. I wouldn't have made it. She would have been born on the side of the street or in the hallway. Instead, we had everything we needed, it was peaceful and, even though we were in shock at a 40min labour, just about perfect. Now DH likes to joke that he is pretty much a doctor as he delivered the baby. I think if we were to have another, we'd be on the same page about a home birth.