Living together before marriage. Yay or nay?

[Iliana]

Originally Posted by Samandy How committed to you and this relationship do you think he is?

I am not really sure. He talks about the baby and the future with such joy, yet he never mentions taking it to another level. I told him I fear not being able to find a place after the baby is born (we live in rural Maine and rentals are scarce). He said he is not interested in buying a house now. So many mixed signals...this is driving me crazy.

[Samandy]

I do think you need to know where he stands before you move in with him.

[KaleidoscopeEyes]

i wouldnt take buy a car before a test drive,i wouldnt marry someone unless i was certain we were compatible.

so if he didnt want to marry you, would that be a deal breaker even if you could live together and be happy?

[MaryInPinedale]

My personal vote is yay! But if you are unsure then don't do it. I would think it would be easier to support each other when living together. He can watch kids while you cook dinner or vice versa, he is there physically when you need to talk. But if it adds more stress to your life don't feel like you have to. I'm sure your family will support whatever decision you make.

[KaleidoscopeEyes]

Originally Posted by beccatown The statistics for divorce are higher amongst those who co-habitate before marriage compared to those who don't.

yeah but isnt it more likely that people who dont live together are religious and choose to not get divorced because of their religion

[Iliana]

Originally Posted by KaleidoscopeEyes So if he didnt want to marry you, would that be a deal breaker even if you could live together and be happy?

Very likely. I do believe some couples can and do live happily without the paper. I think I could, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't matter to me.

[KaleidoscopeEyes]

dh and i moved in together fairly quickly. he was pretty much the no kids no marriage type. well i got PG and later he went along with going to vegas and getting married.

[Iliana]

Originally Posted by rumblepurr http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/0...n_1372687.html

Thanks for the link. That is a bit reassuring. All I had read was that cohabiting increased the chances of divorce and that cohabiting females were unhappier than males.

[Iliana]

Originally Posted by KaleidoscopeEyes dh and i moved in together fairly quickly. he was pretty much the no kids no marriage type. well i got PG and later he went along with going to vegas and getting married.

He suggested eloping and I told him no way in hell. That is what I did with my ex and I have still a bitter memory about it. If he was willing to give his ex (a crazy, controlling person) a wedding, why not me? (note: I do not need a crazy huge wedding. A simple, joyful ceremony in front of his family and closest friends would suffice. He still said he was against it).

[rebekka117]

hmm honestly i think his reasons for not marrying are bs. a marrage can be as cheap as you want it to be, and if it's important for you then i say explain that to him. if he truely loves you then getting married is key to outwardly proving to you and your families that he is committed to you and your relationship, it's a sort of outward and public sign declaring his committment. especially if he wants you to move in! just do a justice of the peace and then have a potluck party in your backyard with close friends and family to celebrate. i would just stay strong and say how important to you it is that you be married before you live together. (personally i lived with my husband before we got married and we both have agreed that we wish we hadn't.)