Found out I'm pregnant, thinking of adopting out...

[LillyIvy]

I am 5wks4days pregnant. My husband left me the end of August and my rebound got me pregnant on purpose (stupid me, no condom, he didn't tell me until later...). Rebound does not know I am pregnant. I moved 500 miles away to my sisters because of the whole husband leaving me for an 18 year old thing...

Anyway, I know I can't handle a third child. I don't even have a job yet, or my license, or any other essential adult thing. My main worry with adoption is Rebound finding out, because I know he'll fight to take baby, and I don't want that. He already has 4 kids he's paying support for, and is so pulled thin this baby will just be another pawn. He lives in Ohio, (soon-to-be ex) husband is in West Virginia (we've made no steps to even start a divorce), and I'm now in Virginia.

I have a family ready and willing to take baby. My sister's husband works with the husband. I have met them once, but they are just the type I'd love my baby growing up with. I know it doesn't matter, but baby is going to be white and they are Latino. The main reason I'm happy to choose them is because I know baby will grow up bilingual

I don't really have a question, I just want reassurance I guess...

Oh wait, I do have a question... If we don't go through an agency or agent or whatever, the only thing I would have to do is sign my parental rights over to the other family, right? My sister gave her daughter up for adoption almost 5 years ago, and the only thing I remember is she hasn't seen her since they all left the hospital after she was born.

[missydawn]

HUGS. I have no advice just hugs.

[Beth.]

.

[sunnymommy]

I am sorry you are in a tough spot. You've still got a lot of months to ponder things, etc. I will pray you find the right choices for you and for all of your children.

My comment for now is, to place a baby for adoption hoping to keep the bio Dad in the dark is a Bad, Bad idea. He can years later come back and file for his rights and cause a really big problem. You definitely wouldn't want to risk that kind of upheaval for the child. Not to mention, you probably would not be able to find an attorney willing to leave that part out...

[newmommy13]

I agree with pretty much everything beth said. Get a lawyer for sure. About your sisters experience, you can control how much or little interaction you have with baby. Or I should say you can give your preferences and i if you have chosen the right adoptive parents they will follow through with your wishes.

[ivparker]

I think it does depend on the state you are in. I have friends that adopted a baby where the dad didn't know that bio mom was pregnant. In that state, the mom has a right to choose that.

[waterisntsomething]

Originally Posted by Beth. The legal stuff is going to get complicated for you. Each state has it's own laws regarding dad's rights, termination process, etc. To further complicate matters, your DH is probably the baby's legal father since you are still married. Gah. I think you need legal advice from an attorney experienced in adoption and family law. I would start in the state which you currently live. Any adoption attorney will likely see you for free if you indicate you possibly want to work with them to possibly make an adoption plan. But, please know that adoption is a permanent solution to your temporary problems. You can get a job, get your license and get on with a real adult life pretty quickly. I encourage you to seek counseling, but not with anyone attached to adoption (or abortion). There are others here that have been where you are ... hopefully they reach out to you with their experiences.

This mama. I can't imagine what you're are going through and feeling right now.

[Melinda29]

In my state, the father is considered to be whoever is married to the woman at the time of the birth. Not at the time of conception. If the woman is unmarried, they go to great lengths here to find the father, including putting ads in the paper, if the mother says she does not know.

I have conducted many adoptions. My advice would be to start with a lawyer specializing in family law or adoptions (look in yellow pages) or a referral from a pregnancy center for an adoption agency. You should not have to pay anything, but ask up front just to be sure. If your state requires the father's consent, ask if there are other nearby states that do not where you could possibly stay for the short term to fulfill the legal requirements.

Hugs, mama. I respect and admire your decision to do what is best for your situation, even though it will be very very hard. Not many people have that kind of courage.

[Gothmommy]

I've never been in your position, but I think it's amazing that you're considering adoption. There's a show on hulu you should check out, it's called I'm having their baby (or something very similar) and I think it fairly represents adoption from the birth mothers angle.

This message won't self destruct in 30 seconds.

[iwiamandaiwi]

Oh I can't imagine I think it is the right thing to do to tell the father but whatever you decide to do I just wanted to say kudos to you for choosing adoption rather than abortion. I can not even fathom how hard it would be to make the decision to give up my child but you are allowing your child a chance at life and for that I totally respect you