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Old 09-27-2012, 02:54 PM   #11
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Re: Found out I'm pregnant, thinking of adopting out...

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I've never been in your position, but I think it's amazing that you're considering adoption. There's a show on hulu you should check out, it's called I'm having their baby (or something very similar) and I think it fairly represents adoption from the birth mothers angle.

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I just watched this show the other day and it was amazing. It was really hard to watch for me though and I've never had to make a decision like that.

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Old 09-27-2012, 04:34 PM   #12
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I'm probably not going to be liked for this response but if the father wants the baby he has the right to raise his child. You should not be keeping it a secret and trying to do adoption without his knowledge.

If you are being promised an "open" adoption remember that open adoptions aren't enforceable and they can cut contact at anytime for any reason.

Just wanted to put those two points out there.
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Old 09-27-2012, 04:58 PM   #13
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Re: Found out I'm pregnant, thinking of adopting out...

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In my state, the father is considered to be whoever is married to the woman at the time of the birth. Not at the time of conception. If the woman is unmarried, they go to great lengths here to find the father, including putting ads in the paper, if the mother says she does not know.

I have conducted many adoptions. My advice would be to start with a lawyer specializing in family law or adoptions (look in yellow pages) or a referral from a pregnancy center for an adoption agency. You should not have to pay anything, but ask up front just to be sure. If your state requires the father's consent, ask if there are other nearby states that do not where you could possibly stay for the short term to fulfill the legal requirements.

Hugs, mama. I respect and admire your decision to do what is best for your situation, even though it will be very very hard. Not many people have that kind of courage.
This is how it is in MA too except there is a clause too that within 300 some odd days of giving birth that if the mother was married, the husband is the father.

OP- My eldest DD came from a VERY similar situation, I did not give her up for adoption and got back with my husband and when it all came tumbling down a year after she was born it was A MESS. Thank GOD her bio dad is a jerk and doesnt WANT to be involved but I had to find him for legal reasons and it was UGLY. Please make sure this is exactly what you want, like a PP said, jobs, license, all easy fixes. But the legalities and emotional implications this may have on this family and the child in the future could be devastating. Iron it out BEFORE.

Also, please consider, regardless of how you might feel about the biological father and his reasons behind wanting his child, I do believe he deserves to know and it would be very unfair to NOT tell him. Flip the situation around, it wouldnt feel good if someone was purposely keeping your child from you. ((HUGS)) this is hard. Ive been there!
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Old 09-27-2012, 09:14 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by L&A'smommy
I'm probably not going to be liked for this response but if the father wants the baby he has the right to raise his child. You should not be keeping it a secret and trying to do adoption without his knowledge.

If you are being promised an "open" adoption remember that open adoptions aren't enforceable and they can cut contact at anytime for any reason.

Just wanted to put those two points out there.
I think i agree but im not sure. Its very messy. At 5 weeks you have plenty of time to weigh your options. I think dad should be notified but if the choice is placing with a loving family and not telling dad or abortion i think adoption is probably in the best interests of the child. Im sorry you are going through this. My heart goes out to you.
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Old 09-27-2012, 09:22 PM   #15
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As someone else said, an adoption could be a permanent fix to temporary issues. Please think it through clearly and talk to someone who's a neutral party and give yourself plenty of time to decide what is best - you are after all only five weeks.

I do think regardless, the bio dad has a right to know. This is his child, too.

If you are choosing this because you feel it's your only option, remember you can find a job, get on your feet etc. You CAN do it!

Good luck with making the best/right decision for yourself and this baby.
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Old 09-28-2012, 07:35 AM   #16
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As someone else said, an adoption could be a permanent fix to temporary issues. Please think it through clearly and talk to someone who's a neutral party and give yourself plenty of time to decide what is best - you are after all only five weeks.

I do think regardless, the bio dad has a right to know. This is his child, too.

If you are choosing this because you feel it's your only option, remember you can find a job, get on your feet etc. You CAN do it!

Good luck with making the best/right decision for yourself and this baby.
Very well put.
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Old 09-28-2012, 08:08 AM   #17
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Re: Found out I'm pregnant, thinking of adopting out...

I know this sounds awful, but I don't want to be tied to the biodad. I'm 23. He's 45. He has a girlfriend that's 24 that I graduated with and am good friends with. They have a 4mo old together. My husband left me after manipulating me thinking he was going to take care of me and the 18yo at the same time. She lived with us for a month before I finally figured out he didn't want to be with me anymore. I don't want to be in that situation anymore, it's not healthy AT ALL. I'm finally able to start my life, and I feel so taken advantage of I asked biodad to help me move and he kept asking me if he could make love to me before I left. Being in the vulnerable position I was in, I agreed. And because I agreed, I liked it and we did it a few more times over the next week, the last day being the one I got pergnant after he said he would pull out, but didn't because he wanted me to carry his child. I want to throw up and cry right now...
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Old 09-28-2012, 08:08 AM   #18
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Re: Found out I'm pregnant, thinking of adopting out...

I know this sounds awful, but I don't want to be tied to the biodad. I'm 23. He's 45. He has a girlfriend that's 24 that I graduated with and am good friends with. They have a 4mo old together. My husband left me after manipulating me thinking he was going to take care of me and the 18yo at the same time. She lived with us for a month before I finally figured out he didn't want to be with me anymore. I don't want to be in that situation anymore, it's not healthy AT ALL. I'm finally able to start my life, and I feel so taken advantage of I asked biodad to help me move and he kept asking me if he could make love to me before I left. Being in the vulnerable position I was in, I agreed. And because I agreed, I liked it and we did it a few more times over the next week, the last day being the one I got pergnant after he said he would pull out, but didn't because he wanted me to carry his child. I want to throw up and cry right now...
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Old 09-28-2012, 08:33 AM   #19
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It sounds more like abuse than manipulation. If he expected sex before helping you move then i understand you not wanting him to be involved in your life. Im so sorry mama. Im glad you realize where you went wrong and are taking steps to make things right. If i were you in the situation you are describing i would keep the pregnancy a secret for as long as possible.
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Old 09-28-2012, 08:40 AM   #20
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Re: Found out I'm pregnant, thinking of adopting out...

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Originally Posted by LillyIvy View Post
I know this sounds awful, ...
The only thing that sounds awful about what you wrote is how you've been treated. If you really want adoption for this baby, that's ok. I would absolutely go through some serious counseling about it first to help work through the emotions involved, but if in the end you decide this baby belongs with the family you chose, that's fine.
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