Found out I'm pregnant, thinking of adopting out...

[Only]

Originally Posted by FindingMercy The only thing that sounds awful about what you wrote is how you've been treated. If you really want adoption for this baby, that's ok. I would absolutely go through some serious counseling about it first to help work through the emotions involved, but if in the end you decide this baby belongs with the family you chose, that's fine.

My thoughts as well.

It definitely sounds terrible what's been done to you. Please check into some form of counseling to help you make this decision as well as heal from what you have been through. Major hugs.

[Robin]

((hugs))

[ElizasMommy606]

You're in a tough spot girl. I would talk to a counselor to get some advice & input. I feel that the biological father has a right to know about his child though. It's tough but it takes two people to make a baby, so two people should come to a decision about what goes on in the child's life. I'd try talking to a counselor or lawyer first. Good luck hun

[ivparker]

I just wanted to let you know that I support you in not letting the father know, if you can find a way to do that. I normally think the fathers should know in adoption and abortion cases but in this case, I think it is in the best interest of the child that he doesn't know. I think you are making a very wise decision. And yes, seek counseling. I know people mentioned that you can get past some of the struggles you are facing right now in order to be able to support this baby. But I think what you are saying, correct me if I'm wrong, is that this baby deserves a life brought up in better circumstances. I'm so sorry this is happening to you and applaud you for giving this baby a chance at life.

[RainandRedemption]

I'm so, so sorry.

I agree with a couple PPers who mentioned adoption being a permanent fix... and it might be the best option for you now and in the future, as well as the baby. And I'm sure you've given it a ton of thought already. That's just the only thing that comes to mind, I don't really have any advice, just agree with that thought. I was almost adopted out. IDK if my life would have been better or not as things were hard the route I ended up on, but I can see how they may have been equally hard or worse on the other route. And I know a lot of people who are very glad I wasn't adopted out.

Again *big hugs*
So sorry you've gone through so much recently. I'm glad you have someone who can offer you help right now while you get everything back on track.

[newmommy13]

Originally Posted by ivparker I just wanted to let you know that I support you in not letting the father know, if you can find a way to do that. I normally think the fathers should know in adoption and abortion cases but in this case, I think it is in the best interest of the child that he doesn't know. I think you are making a very wise decision. And yes, seek counseling. I know people mentioned that you can get past some of the struggles you are facing right now in order to be able to support this baby. But I think what you are saying, correct me if I'm wrong, is that this baby deserves a life brought up in better circumstances. I'm so sorry this is happening to you and applaud you for giving this baby a chance at life.

I think I agree with everything here. Dads do have rights. But in an abuse situation I think it is an entirely different situation. I dont support you in letting him know or not letting him know. Its a hard decision.

[TexasHeatherLynn]

I think it is wonderful that you are considering adoption, but I would certainly wait to decide on a family until you are much further along and are sure that this is what you want to do. A lot of things can change through the course of a pregnancy. You could meet the man of your dreams, you could reconcile with your hubby, etc. etc. It would be unfair to the adoptive family to be pulled on those strings until you are as certain as you can be that placement will take place. (I am an adoptive Mom who has been through EIGHT failed adoptions...it hurts, bad.)

Also, I am totally for working an adoption privately outside of an agency. In my opinion, adoption agencies are legalized baby brokers.

Now, I would find out about the legal rights of the father. In Texas, the man you are married to is the father, regardless of biology.

[LillyIvy]

Originally Posted by TexasHeatherLynn I think it is wonderful that you are considering adoption, but I would certainly wait to decide on a family until you are much further along and are sure that this is what you want to do. A lot of things can change through the course of a pregnancy. You could meet the man of your dreams, you could reconcile with your hubby, etc. etc. It would be unfair to the adoptive family to be pulled on those strings until you are as certain as you can be that placement will take place. (I am an adoptive Mom who has been through EIGHT failed adoptions...it hurts, bad.) Also, I am totally for working an adoption privately outside of an agency. In my opinion, adoption agencies are legalized baby brokers. Now, I would find out about the legal rights of the father. In Texas, the man you are married to is the father, regardless of biology.

I understand what you are saying, but there is zero chance I'm getting back with my husband. Being outside of the situation makes me realize how mentally abused I really was, and I do NOT want that anymore...'

The father thing gets really complicated. I know for a fact my husband will be filing for divorce after income tax, and before June because that's when he's getting married. On his first anniversary He lives in West Virginia, and their law states when the child is BORN is who the dad is (our daughter was born a month after we got married, no questions). Biodad lives in Ohio, and I have no idea what the law is there. But if I do end up meeting the man of my dreams in the next 8 months (not holding my breath...), I feel like I still need to go through the adoption, just because I'll be scared for the next 18 years that Biodad is going to find out and know baby is his I feel so selfish thinking this way. I don't want a fight, especially a legal one. I feel so weak...

[newmommy13]

Mama take a deep breath. None of this needs to be decided immediately. You need to be able to discuss this with a counselor. IMO your APs should be able to help financially with this. I would if I was them. Anyone know if this is common practice in private adoption? I know agencies will provide counseling but i'm not sure thats always unbiased and like a pp said, if you can avoid an agency i would. If i was you, or you were my sister, cousin, bff, whatever, i would make priority number one getting in touch with a therapist to help you work through this.

[sunnymommy]

Crisis pregnancy places provide free, unbiased counseling.