Do you ever feel judged regarding not circumcising?

[KaleidoscopeEyes]

i only have one friend that circed her kid. all my other friends either left their kids intact, do not have kids or have girls only. i think i recall her talking about circ care when the boys were babies. she says that it really wasnt something that she had thought about at the time, her dh and his (very obtrusive family) pushed for it so she did it. she wouldnt want to do it again to another boy but she said that if she met a great guy and he wanted it done that she would probably do it. really bothers me because i would NEVER get with a guy that wanted to do that. that would be first date conversation for me and a total 100% deal breaker

[JennTheMomma]

Yes I have been judged several times because our boys are intact. I've had moms give me disgusting looks when peeping while I change a diaper in public (not sure why they're peeping in the first place), I've had people tell me it was gross not to circumcise, and I had one lady tell me she'd never let her daughter marry one of my son's because being intact is disgusting and their penis' would be full of germs and diseases.

[waterisntsomething]

Originally Posted by KaleidoscopeEyes i only have one friend that circed her kid. all my other friends either left their kids intact, do not have kids or have girls only. i think i recall her talking about circ care when the boys were babies. she says that it really wasnt something that she had thought about at the time, her dh and his (very obtrusive family) pushed for it so she did it. she wouldnt want to do it again to another boy but she said that if she met a great guy and he wanted it done that she would probably do it. really bothers me because i would NEVER get with a guy that wanted to do that. that would be first date conversation for me and a total 100% deal breaker

Me too. It's just not one of those "I want my boys to have short hair" things for me.

[Terra]

Originally Posted by Shaunam Just because she holds that opinion doesn't mean she chooses to use those words when talking to others. Her description of how she deals with it certainly implies she educates in a respectful manner. I think it's mutilation too, but I don't use that word when I educate. But when it comes down to it, if people say nasty things about our kids normal penises, they get what's coming to them. If the reality makes them feel guilty, maybe they should look at themselves and not the person whose opinion made them think. I've NEVER brought up circ first. It's always other people who bring it up. So if they have the balls to bring it up, considering it's not really any of their business, they should be ready to hear opinions they don't like. Some people believe it's mutilation. I've heard WAY worse coming from the pro-circ crowd. My own sister told me I was "sick" for not circ'ing.

Originally Posted by KelseyH Thanks Shaunam! I thought that earlier reply was pretty rude. The definition of mutilate is to injure by depriving of or harming a part, so it's a technically accurate description for circumcision. I've never used that word in a conversation with others - as a matter of fact, I already quoted what I DO say in circumstances where the conversation is brought up, and I think it's pretty mild TBH. I also don't consider myself an "activist" in the least, since I never make mention of it unless someone else brings it up. Also, no one has ever been noticeably "turned off" by what I have to say regarding circumcision.

I think it is so ironic and comical that a intact oriented thread started about feeling judged, finds many of it's participants judging others. I do agree we all have the right to our own opinion. But I think you'd be far better to be nice than have sling terms back at people. You know, take the whole high ride thing?

And as far as the whole "if it bothers them, it's their own guilt" type of responses, I find [because I used those in past before shedding those labels], is a cop-out. Sometimes it's true, but sometimes people *are* rude and mean.

Too bad it's nothing more than another mommy war and we do things better than the other mom.

And Kelsey, I have seen you rude in other threads.

I'm very much for intact boys, but at the end of the day it won't be a barrier in a friendship.

Originally Posted by crunch!910 During a local breastfeeding group when my son was just weeks old a breastfeeding peer counselor asked me how he healed from his circ, and I proudly said "We didn't circumcise." She was a little shocked/surprised. I told her it was absolutely medically unnecessary and I refused to put my son through a traumatic and excruciatingly painful procedure for cosmetic reasons. She was intrigued and even asked... "It's probably a really weird question... but do you mind if I see?" I said not at all and invited her over. I showed her my son's intact penis, I told her it is NOT dirty at all and showed her as I was wiping and cleaning that there is no special care. I then also explained to her where and how they'd cut it off, ripping the foreskin away from the glands and slicing it off. She winced. And she made the comment herself of "wow.. they really take THAT much skin off?" She's the only person so far that I've talked to in person taht was interested in learning more. I was so, so excited to educate her. Most people are too uncomfortable to talk about it. I live in a area with a VERY VERY high circ rate - like still around 80% or higher probably. I'm vocal on my facebook page. I've been unfriended and I've even been called a "retard." The truth is.. it is very, very difficult to be friends or friendly to people who mutilate their children. If a parent who chose genital mutilation looked at me like I was the freak, I'd think very, very, very little of their unfounded, ignorant opinion. It wouldn't affect me as far as my security in my decision to protect my child from genital mutilation, but it would make me very, very sad for their children and it'd greatly diminish any respect I may have had for them.

Per your siggy, how would this be God-loving and showing our light? Especially since Christ was a circ'ed Jew?

I should know better than to come in these threads.

I guess at the end of the day we do all have judgements on something. My big one is mommy wars. I guess I have no respect for moms who add to that.

[RainandRedemption]

I don't usually bring it up with people honestly.... When ds was a baby and it was coming up, YES I absolutely did feel judged. My family was very outspoken about how "out of the norm" (weird and freakish) it was to not circ. My aunts husband actually made fun of it, my grandfather got pretty upset and was asking weird hypothetical questions to try to get me to feel bad about our decision. I was really naive at the time, and just accepted their harrassment. If we were to have another boy, or if any of those statements were to be reiterated about my son again, I'd completely fly off the handle. I'd be a little nicer towards my grandpa, but my aunts ex-husband won't know what freakin hit him if he opens his mouth about my son's penis again.

[Terra]

Originally Posted by RainandRedemption I don't usually bring it up with people honestly.... When ds was a baby and it was coming up, YES I absolutely did feel judged. My family was very outspoken about how "out of the norm" (weird and freakish) it was to not circ. My aunts husband actually made fun of it, my grandfather got pretty upset and was asking weird hypothetical questions to try to get me to feel bad about our decision. I was really naive at the time, and just accepted their harrassment. If we were to have another boy, or if any of those statements were to be reiterated about my son again, I'd completely fly off the handle. I'd be a little nicer towards my grandpa, but my aunts ex-husband won't know what freakin hit him if he opens his mouth about my son's penis again.

See and I hate that too. No matter what a child is in this arena, for people to keep bringing it up is so hurtful and wrong. Thankfully none of my family have ever talked about this kind of thing, ever. The only thing my MIL said was I didn't realize I had a choice when Eric [my DH] was born. And that was it. It should really be a non-issue and your own business.

[RainandRedemption]

Originally Posted by mapleleaf88 I've never been judged for not circ'ing. DH is intact as well and refused to get the boys done. I'm happy about it and after some research I've turned into a bit of an intactivist... In my area you're more likely to be judged for snipping though... Circumcision is no longer covered by health insurance, and it isn't done locally. You have to go out of your way to have it done - and all the doctors and nurses here advised against it.

Wow I had no idea! I am from Ontario and most of my family lives there. Ironically those who ridiculed me for not circing have lived there for the better part of the last 4 decades.

Originally Posted by EmilytheStrange I guess I don't get this either. I never watch someone change a diaper. Who would? When I volunteered in the nursery, I never paid attention to if a boy was cut or not. I just cleaned em up and changed them. Didn't occur to me to take inventory of foreskins.

I quoted you just so I could say that this made me and then read all the responses to this. So just though I'd say I can totally see how you wouldn't notice. I mean, before my son I had never seen an intact penis. And if you're working in the nursery you have a LOT going on. You may LOOK at the penis when you're changing a diaper, but maybe you're not making the connection of "heyy!!!! this penis looks different... " because you're flat out just not paying attention to every detail of what's under a kids diaper.

[eco-mum]

Originally Posted by Terra I think it is so ironic and comical that a intact oriented thread started about feeling judged, finds many of it's participants judging others. I do agree we all have the right to our own opinion. But I think you'd be far better to be nice than have sling terms back at people. You know, take the whole high ride thing? And as far as the whole "if it bothers them, it's their own guilt" type of responses, I find [because I used those in past before shedding those labels], is a cop-out. Sometimes it's true, but sometimes people *are* rude and mean. Too bad it's nothing more than another mommy war and we do things better than the other mom. And Kelsey, I have seen you rude in other threads. I'm very much for intact boys, but at the end of the day it won't be a barrier in a friendship. Per your siggy, how would this be God-loving and showing our light? Especially since Christ was a circ'ed Jew? I should know better than to come in these threads. I guess at the end of the day we do all have judgements on something. My big one is mommy wars. I guess I have no respect for moms who add to that.

Wow, you are being far more rude than any of the other moms in this thread.

[Terra]

Originally Posted by eco-mum Wow, you are being far more rude than any of the other moms in this thread.

Yeah I admit, I probably am. Mainly because I think it's ridiculous to throw words around like mutilate, implying that anyone's children who are not the same as theirs are not just as 'perfect'. To me, that is rude!

[kushie tushie]

Originally Posted by Terra Yeah I admit, I probably am. Mainly because I think it's ridiculous to throw words around like mutilate, implying that anyone's children who are not the same as theirs are not just as 'perfect'. To me, that is rude!

I try not to use the word mutilate (though it is how I feel) b/c I know its hurtful.
Circ (be it male or female) is genital mutilation by definition.
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genit...and_mutilation

Amanda . Blaming my phone for typos and crap.