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Old 10-19-2012, 07:43 PM   #31
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Re: First time with an OB...Normal?

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I am reasonably mainstream, but that doc sounds awful. I've never had a pap or breast exam while pregnant. Ive discussed all tests and consented to some, no quad screen required. I've never been pushed into any medical intervention for convenience. You will not like how this ends if you stay with this tyrant.
totally agree...I had a fairly mainstream group OB practice with my first, and they were not nearly like what you are describing. I declined most testing (mainly because I hate needles). I don't know what I'd do about the induction. I have fast labors but that's why I decided to birth at home the second time. I don't think I'd show up for an induction if there was ANY other option. Are you worried about CPS if you have a homebirth?

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Old 10-20-2012, 09:35 AM   #32
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Re: First time with an OB...Normal?

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oh and re: birth plans...

from what I have heard and from my own experience, birth plans pretty much get ignored most of the time. Even the "well-written" ones. Once you are in the hospital, you are in their system, and you basically have a hard fight to do things differently from their "policies" They really don't give a rat's backside what your birth plan says. I assume there are *some* (like a handful, probably... somewhere...) hospital personnel who will read it and actually try to follow it. But for the most part, the general consensus is, "You're here, we know what's best, that's WHY you are here, now let us do our job." I've heard stories of medical people reading and scoffing/openly mocking birth plans.

Anyway, don't think a birth plan, no matter how detailed or well written will save you from a doctor with a serious God Complex.
I had an induction (by choice) with DS1 (FTR, I was 39+5, bishop score was good, and baby was looking great - still it was for convenience and I wouldn't choose it again, but hindsight and all that).
Even though it was an induction, I wrote a birth plan and took it along. My nurse read it and warned me that the OB that day (not my own OB) really didn't like birth plans. When he came in, he said the same. I told him "That's fine. But here's mine and this is what I want done." He never questioned anything the rest of the labor/birth - now, he may have b!tched about it/me outside the room, but followed it to the letter with me.

The hospital here (where that induction happened) gives out an info pack during their prenatal classes and hospital tours that includes a pretty good (well informed) guide to their standard protocols and writing a birth plan with the choices you prefer.

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My Nurse called me when she got all the results back and was excited when she said everything was negative, and how unusual it was they see that. Usually something pops up positive. My DH and I have been married forever, and we were both virgins when we married. Is it wrong to feel slightly icked out by her comment? I don't know what to do. We are so rural that my options are really limited. I am trying to be open minded, but it's starting to really wear me down.
No. I would be bothered by that comment too... actually, I am bothered just reading it. That's really... sad, to me.

I would call a MWs office and explain what's going on, your situation, and see what/who they recommend. Certainly they would know someone better suited to provide your care than that jerk.
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Old 10-20-2012, 01:20 PM   #33
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My hospital wants us to write a birth plan but what matters the most to me is that my husband and I are on the same page and that we work together toward achieving those goals. I really don't have much I am asking for with this first one, anyway. I just think there needs to be mutual respect. What I like about my OB is that he listens to ME, the patient, above all. Yes, sometimes he seems a little quick to respond because he does this a million times and probably answers the same questions over and over again, but he insists we ask the questions anyway. An office staff that expects 'something' to come up in your exams, to me, is kind of working backwards. It's not like you're going in to see them because you're sick. You are pregnant, not sick. I hope you can find someone who can work with you or try one of the other suggestions these ladies gave you. It would be difficult to feel like your options are limited and your rights are being overlooked, but I can see why they act like this if there isn't as much competition. And if you are able to move to a different doctor, please make sure you inform this doctor through a letter why you are switching. It could help other women. He needs to understand that it was his attitude that made you seek care elsewhere. It might not seem like much but one can hope something will stick.
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Old 10-20-2012, 11:25 PM   #34
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Re: First time with an OB...Normal?

run away from that OB.

Wow
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Old 10-20-2012, 11:51 PM   #35
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Re: First time with an OB...Normal?

as you keep hearing, please do find a new dr!

that is not normal. I do have trouble (personally with obs and nurses during my 2 hospital births) with a lot of the thought process OBs have (for me major metropolitan area) but your story is way over the top. Politely ask for a copy of your blood work (in case you need it later, depending on state law- or whatever) and don't ever look back.
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Old 11-19-2012, 01:15 AM   #36
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Re: First time with an OB...Normal?

I'm so sorry you're going through this! It sounds like you have fairly uncomplicated births - with the exception of the one where you ended up in the hospital. Are you at all concerned about what would happen if you simply had another home birth with this one? What are the options for medical care if you did that and something were to go wrong? Is there first aid nearby that could reasonable help you out or are you an hour from anything?

This OB really does sound over the top and if you think you do need to go in for this birth I would say just wait until you're feeling very early stages of labor. Starting with interventions only causes you to need more interventions at every stage and if you're a low risk pregnancy I really don't see the need for an induction. Obviously I'm not a doctor, but this guy seems like he won't listen!

I would want my husband there too and since it sounds like he (the OB) won't respect a birth plan perhaps you can just write one for you and your husband so you're on the same page and then have him stand up for you. I had to have an OB the last time around if I wanted any care since it's illegal for midwives to deliver multiples in my state. I wasn't happy about this, but I wasn't quite willing to do a home birth unassisted with twins.

I did however, have a friend and doula come with me. Everything went so fast there weren't too many interventions, but it was nice knowing she was there in my corner as well. Do you have someone like that you could take with you? You can sometimes hire them as well. Let them know exactly what you want and they can be another voice on your side.

I sincerely hope that you can find a way to make this calm and non-stressful and a good birth experience!
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Old 11-19-2012, 05:12 AM   #37
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Re: First time with an OB...Normal?

I have to have a pap smear and breast exam while pregnant (they assigned the CNM to do them the last two times and so I think that is the normal). Then my ob does the group b culture toward the end. He insists on one ultrasound (the dating, early one), but is fine with you decline other testing (which I have). I have c-sections, but when trying to decide first (previous severe shoulder dystocia homebirth, thank goodness for the midwife who saved lo's life... I'm glad you are not doing unassisted births anymore btw! being so far from the hospital too), he said that even with c-sections, they are not allowed to induce/c-section before 39 weeks unless it's an emergency medically! I would not be happy about the 38 week comment... sounds like he will be very pushy at the end.

I also don't do the eye goop and hep b shots (only on the last baby, #4, did I do Vit K... my gut really told me to do it which was weird, but I know to follow it... with the other 3, I declined and didn't get one bit of attitude) and I don't get remarks.

So the exams struck me as normal, but not the doc's attitude. As far as the results... I joked about something during it and they said it's pretty normal, unfortunately, for STD results to come back positive from so many married women. They don't call you with results unless they are positive, so I've never received any calls.

But if he is the only one nearby, is there a birth doula or someone of the sort that could help you advocate for what you want? I would want my husband around too, so you might have to make the best of a not wonderful doctor. Maybe pick the things you are adament about (and the 38 week thing would definitely be one of them!) and go from there. I know you really do not want an induction, yet the c-section risk goes down if you've had babies before. Maybe the docs/midwife in the big city would be willing to do a "gentle" induction at 39-1/2 weeks pregnant. You could stay at a hotel the night before with DH and then go in. If they respect the gentle ease into labor, maybe you could plan to turn off the low-dose of pit when labor kicks in. I know it's not what you want though. We have to drive 1-1/2 to my ob/gyn as I did not like the ones around here. I'm sorry you are even farther away.

((hugs))
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Old 11-19-2012, 05:43 AM   #38
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You said you kind of like him???? How?!?!?! I would not let that man deliver my child. Good luck mama.
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Old 11-19-2012, 06:09 AM   #39
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Re: First time with an OB...Normal?

Holy guacamole! This guy shouldn't even be in the practice of labor & delivery!!! Scheduling an induction at 16 weeks solely becuase you have quick labors & live an hr away!?! I live a little over an hour from my MW and my labors have gotten shorter with each baby 8hrs, 5hrs, 5hrs, 4hrs, and 2.5hrs..... she has never mentioned inducing me for this reason! She did say a little later in this pregnancy she'd like to give Dh the basics of what to do in the event we don't make it to the hospital in time and she'd like me to have a few supplies on hand just in case, but that was it.
And telling you that you have to wean your DD because the Cx will cause early labor!? Everyone knows that is far from true. If you had a history of PTL I could see where he's coming from, but you clearly don't delivering at 42, 41, and 39wks.
It's as if this doctor is going against EVERYTHING the basics, facts, and COMMON SENSE say about pregnancy, labor, & delivery.

I'm sad for you that you don't really have other options. This doc shouldn't eveb BE a option, though.. he should have his license stripped and go work in a veterinary office or something.
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Old 11-19-2012, 06:09 AM   #40
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Re: First time with an OB...Normal?

Holy guacamole! This guy shouldn't even be in the practice of labor & delivery!!! Scheduling an induction at 16 weeks solely becuase you have quick labors & live an hr away!?! I live a little over an hour from my MW and my labors have gotten shorter with each baby 8hrs, 5hrs, 5hrs, 4hrs, and 2.5hrs..... she has never mentioned inducing me for this reason! She did say a little later in this pregnancy she'd like to give Dh the basics of what to do in the event we don't make it to the hospital in time and she'd like me to have a few supplies on hand just in case, but that was it.
And telling you that you have to wean your DD because the Cx will cause early labor!? Everyone knows that is far from true. If you had a history of PTL I could see where he's coming from, but you clearly don't delivering at 42, 41, and 39wks.
It's as if this doctor is going against EVERYTHING the basics, facts, and COMMON SENSE say about pregnancy, labor, & delivery.

I'm sad for you that you don't really have other options. This doc shouldn't eveb BE a option, though.. he should have his license stripped and go work in a veterinary office or something.
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