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Old 10-19-2012, 07:22 PM   #1
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How would you handle this?

DS (who is 2&1/2) recently told me he wanted a Barbie. I asked what made him say that and he said he saw them on tv (which I'm not sure is entirely true, but my friend who babysits him does have older daughters who definitely have dolls). I just said okay and left it at that, but he continued to ask this past week so I told him that we would go to TRUs after his dr. apt today (where he would be getting two shots) and he could pick something out. He is super into monster trucks and tractors right now, but he told me he was going to pick a Barbie (he is super verbal and has an incredible vocab & remembers promises I make him and really holds me to them) which is 100% fine with me (he got a plan toys "doll house" with hedge hogs "dolls" and a tea set for Easter). I don't believe in gender specific toys especially at this age. He has always been free to play with whatever strikes his fancy. So basically all week he has been talking about picking out a Barbie and acting so happy about it and telling everyone. he is watched by his Meme and Puppup (my bfs mom and step dad) when DBF is on the rd for work and I work which was yesterday overnight. I picked him up this morning and he seemed in a weird mood but I tried to be cheerful with him but when we got home and were getting dressed for the day we also decided to dress his build a bear monkey up in his pumpkin Halloween costume. The monkey and accessories were in a basket with other stuffed things we don't play with a lot. In that bin was a lalaloopsy doll he got from a friend for his birthday (a male soft pirate one). He pulled it out excited and then got really upset and threw it across the room. I asked him what was wrong with it and he yelled "Puppup said dolls are for girls and I can't play with barbies". So I told him Puppup was wrong and anyone can play with barbies and even told him how dad use to play with his sisters. He just got really angry and yelled "meme said no!" and then read books and wouldnt talk to me. On the way to the dr I asked if he was excited to pick something out after the drs and if we should get a fun ken doll or something and be kept just saying "I'm not a girl" "I don't play with barbies" etc. It made my heart break bc I saw how bad he wanted one all week. I am so mad they would say something like this to him. His meme just told him a few weeks ago his new shoes were ugly (which they actually are cute, but she has no style ) and then he got upset every time we would try to put them on him. I guess he might be a sensitive guy or take things to heart bc he is so impressionable right now. We try to be super positive about all his interests at home. DBF said he talked to her about the shoe thing and she denied it. He "said" he asked her not to say negative things to DS but who knows bc he baby foots around having real talks with her bc they aren't close at all (his gram raised him). She and I don't see eye to eye and have a hard time getting along so I have been trying not to speak with her much (she has been undermining me since he was born and never following my parenting wishes). I feel I need to say something to her to express how badly their actions have upset me and are actually effecting DS but I don't know whats the right way to do it without it turning into a blow up. I know she will just deny it and agree with me like she believes the same things i do (which she doesnt bc she threw the tea set thing in my face before). It is what she always does which just enrages me bc I know DS wouldn't make that up. We need them for child care right now (thou we have been trying to find someone else, it is just hard bc I work overnights and DBF travels a lot for work) What would you do in my shoes? I held back from sending a nasty text this morning but I doubt I will make it the weekend not saying something to her bc I keep just having flash backs of his sad face.


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Old 10-19-2012, 07:51 PM   #2
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Re: How would you handle this?

Your poor baby. And poor you.

I have no advice. Honestly, I would send the horrible text to her, but is she the vindictive sort who would punish your son or speak nastily about you to him behind your back? That would be my fear.
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Old 10-19-2012, 08:23 PM   #3
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Is there anyone else can watch your son? Frankly these people don't sound awesome and they're obviously having a negative impact on your son. If they don't respect your parenting choices and are saying mean things to your child, its just not good.

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Old 10-19-2012, 08:29 PM   #4
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Re: How would you handle this?

Wait and pray on it. They may bring lots of positives to the table that outweigh the negatives. If after you have time to put it in perspective the negatives outweigh the positives you already know you need to find other care. I would be upset too. My advise would be to be careful how much you say to her/them. Don't take the bait. Know what I mean?
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Old 10-19-2012, 09:58 PM   #5
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Re: How would you handle this?

I am so sorry, that is just awful and f'd up, that they would say things like that at such an impressionable age!
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Old 10-19-2012, 10:30 PM   #6
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Re: How would you handle this?

If saying anything to them isn't going to change them and you have no choice but to use them for child care I wouldn't say anything to them directly. What I might do though is go ahead and get him his toy. Don't give it to him right away though. Wait and take it with to his grandparents. While there very excitably give it to your son. Make a big deal out of it. Make a point to include his grandparents in the excitement.

Unless of course you think they would outright refuse and make a scene.
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Old 10-19-2012, 10:39 PM   #7
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Re: How would you handle this?

I would try to have a sit down chat with both of them and if it didn't work try really hard to find a way to get different childcare. I'd also probably get him a barbie...maybe from Santa if you do that? Then you can say that Santa wouldn't get him a toy he couldn't play with. It's hard for his pupup to beat santa.
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Old 10-20-2012, 04:20 AM   #8
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Re: How would you handle this?

I would talk to them. And start teaching him how to stand up for what he wants or likes. If you can get him to say something like "I like it and mommy says I can have it" then go on about his business, they might leave it alone. If he is submitting every time they say something they will keep it up. His actions are going to have more effect than anything you can say. Poor guy, sounds like they are bullying him- really if it were a kid his age everyone would say he was being bullied. The fact that its an adult shouldn't change that.
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Old 10-20-2012, 07:07 AM   #9
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Re: How would you handle this?

I'd try to find alternate care and not say anything until then. Then you can tell them that their negative talk was upsetting him and is unhealthy for his development and so you had to find alternate care for him and for now they can only see him when one of you is there to make sure they aren't saying cruel things to him (who tells a toddler their shoes are ugly?). Only when he is older and more self assured and understands that they might be "old fashioned" would I let them care for him alone.
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Old 10-20-2012, 12:46 PM   #10
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I would find a way so these people don't get to watch your child anymore if at all possible. They don't seem to respect your parenting choices.
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