What is a virgin?

[Geckmumto3]

Discussion with some mummy friends today... how would you explain what a virgin is if you did not feel your child (or you) was ready to discuss the actual act of sex?

[OneFishTwoFish]

I vividly remember asking my mother what a virgin was. I was in 5th grade and she was doing her make up in the bathroom. I probably took her completely off guard. But her response was, "A girl who's never been with a man." I don't remember asking for more, so I guess it satisfied me at that point.

I don't know what I would tell a child....I guess if they weren't old enough to discuss the act of sex, then I would wonder why they were asking. (Assuming it was asked anyway) Typically, when I don't think they're old enough for the real answer, I will ask them what they think the answer is. Often they are looking for a simple response anyway.

[ktmelody]

The truth.


Then i would answer the questions that follow with the truth. Young kids take that stuff so well. I feel that if the child is old enough to ask then they deserve a proper answer.

[Palooka]

I would probably just keep it short and say a virgin is someone who is pure and innocent, like a young girl or boy who hasn't seen or done bad things. I'd probably also change the subject to alcohol, since most kids have at least seen beer or wine, and I'd be okay using that as an example in the hopes it's too confusing for them to think they could go applying the word to friends or adults tomorrow.

[Geckmumto3]

The child (9) in question asked because the word "virgin" was mentioned in a movie she was watching (Hocus Pocus, about witches, and a "virgin" has to light a candle). No sex chats have gone on at all, and the parents were not comfortable diving right in. In reality, it went unanswered, for now, and the mom was seeking advice how to go from there. I felt that the truth was ok, but another mom there disagreed, but didn't know what she would say.

[Geckmumto3]

Originally Posted by jenn.mcc I would probably just keep it short and say a virgin is someone who is pure and innocent, like a young girl or boy who hasn't seen or done bad things. I'd probably also change the subject to alcohol, since most kids have at least seen beer or wine, and I'd be okay using that as an example in the hopes it's too confusing for them to think they could go applying the word to friends or adults tomorrow.

I did wonder about saying something about purity. My DH's snap answer was "Someone who hasn't kissed someone outside of their family." I laughed because kissing happens a lot in certain groups of little friends, and I can just see kids running around saying, "I'm not a virgin anymore!!" My worry is always misuse because of misunderstanding, and then someone else overhears and misunderstands.

[somo_chickenlady]

I would tell the truth. Simply put, a virgin is someone who has never had sex before. If more questions stemmed from that, then I would answer those also with the truth. A 9 year old is old enough to hear and understand that stuff, IMO. We started with that stuff MUCH younger than that, and it has never been a big issue for us.

ETA - At 9, DS already knew what sex was. If he asked at that age what a virgin was, and we told him, the extent of his response would be "Oh" then he would move on and we would not have to go into further detail.

[mcpforever]

Originally Posted by somo_chickenlady I would tell the truth. Simply put, a virgin is someone who has never had sex before. If more questions stemmed from that, then I would answer those also with the truth. A 9 year old is old enough to hear and understand that stuff, IMO. We started with that stuff MUCH younger than that, and it has never been a big issue for us.

This exactly.

I was expecting to hear that she had heard it in the context of the virgin Mary.

[WilliamsMama]

Originally Posted by Geckmumto3 The child (9) in question asked because the word "virgin" was mentioned in a movie she was watching (Hocus Pocus, about witches, and a "virgin" has to light a candle).

i was just going to guess that this was the reason!!!

[qsefthuko]

9 is in my opinion waiting rather long to tell kids about sex. By that age kids in school will begin telling each other silly stories. I think only 2 years older I overheard boys discussing how you could tell by the way a girl walked if she was a virgin. In 6th grade I was informed by a schoolmate how to tell how big a boy was by the way his pants looked. For certain they had already been discussing these things for a while by then. So between 9-11 years of age such discussions in school start becoming more common among the kids. If the parents don't explain things to the child someone else will.