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Old 10-22-2012, 05:03 AM   #21
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I'm not sure how its even a debate at 9. I heard kids making goofy kid jokes about sex in elementary school. Pft. I "learned" a lot about sex from class mates growing up. And at 9, she should be nearing puberty. We are beyond protecting little ears here.

And my oldest is 4.5. I don't know what I will say when he asks. It will not be lies and won't be linked to being bad.

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Old 10-22-2012, 05:06 AM   #22
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She's nine, she's old enough. Especially if they are church goers, which I remember them talking about chastity at that age. I also got the talk at that age. No harm done.
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Old 10-22-2012, 06:04 AM   #23
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Re: What is a virgin?

So, I guess the answer to my question is that there is no way to explain the term virgin without going into sex. Which is what I thought.

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Yes even if not directly then maybe subconsciously in the future. Women have enough negativity from society in general regarding their sexuality without adding to it.

Guys I'm getting scared. Dd is 4 and is in pre k public school half days. Next year it is full day kindy and I want to cry thinking of her sweet pure little self hearing about this stuff. Thats too young.
I agree with the top. And, I hear you on the bottom. It is very hard to take that jump, but it isn't as bad on the other side, either.

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I don't think 4 is too young. We started with very basic terms, and age appropriate language, when DS was 3. I'm not saying that this is the right thing to do for everyone, but starting as early as possible, and talking about it on a regular basis from the beginning, it isn't such a big deal. I think, the better prepared and knowledgeable they are, especially for girls, is nothing but a good thing. Sex is a normal thing, and not something to be embarrassed about. I don't want DS to be embarrassed about it when he gets older, and I want him to be comfortable coming to us when he is older. The lack of embarrassment is helpful, b/c we CAN talk about it so that when he is ready to become sexually active, he isn't afraid to protect himself.

On the other hand, I think 9 is WAY too old to have this discussion, especially to be embarrassed or unwilling to answer basic questions like these. There are a lot of girls getting their periods at age 10, my sister and a couple of my friends were some of them. There are kids that age that are even having sex and getting pregnant (not very often, but it DOES happen), and if they don't know that sex creates babies, then how are they supposed to know any different??
While I disagree that nine is way too old (depending on your lifestyle, your child, etc...), I do agree with your point. This is why my DD and I have had talked quite a bit about sex in the past year. We have friend who got her period at 9.

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I'm not sure how its even a debate at 9. I heard kids making goofy kid jokes about sex in elementary school. Pft. I "learned" a lot about sex from class mates growing up. And at 9, she should be nearing puberty. We are beyond protecting little ears here.

And my oldest is 4.5. I don't know what I will say when he asks. It will not be lies and won't be linked to being bad.
It's not really a debate. This mama just wasn't there yet.
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Old 10-22-2012, 06:05 AM   #24
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Re: What is a virgin?

By 9 my mom had talked to me about getting my period (doesn't matter that I still had 4 years before it actually showed up!), but I knew why it would happen, and basics of the reproductive cycle. We bred rabbits and knew exactly how they were made, not a weird or uncomfortable thing at all.

Not that I am saying everyone should go out and have a detailed sex talk with their 4 year old, but just answering basic questions as they are asked is A LOT easier with a younger child then explaining to an older child that you have kept everything from like it is bad or a secret. Sex doesn't have to be looked at as a taboo thing, and adult thing for sure, but a natural and normal thing.
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Old 10-22-2012, 06:08 AM   #25
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I remember asking my mum what a blow job was at that age. In the laundromat. She was not happy. But she told me it would have to wait until we got home and she did tell me.

Anyway, my point is this 9 year old has heard this stuff. She tested her mum to see if she could trust her to give her reliable, honest information and now she has her answer.

Of course we should tell our kids the truth. In fact, I'm almost positive that with a word like virgin, my mother would have said a phrase she had said tons of times: "look it up." And she would have followed up with me about it later.
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Old 10-22-2012, 06:47 AM   #26
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Re: What is a virgin?

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Of course we should tell our kids the truth. In fact, I'm almost positive that with a word like virgin, my mother would have said a phrase she had said tons of times: "look it up." And she would have followed up with me about it later.
My DH and I had this conversation regarding the virgin issue, too. My Dad was one to say, "Look it up," and we would talk after. The problem now is what they will find when they look things up. Google is less forgiving for younger eyes than the encyclopedias were.
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Old 10-22-2012, 07:59 AM   #27
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Re: What is a virgin?

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Originally Posted by Geckmumto3 View Post
The child (9) in question asked because the word "virgin" was mentioned in a movie she was watching (Hocus Pocus, about witches, and a "virgin" has to light a candle). No sex chats have gone on at all, and the parents were not comfortable diving right in. In reality, it went unanswered, for now, and the mom was seeking advice how to go from there. I felt that the truth was ok, but another mom there disagreed, but didn't know what she would say.
I'd definitely be explaining the actual meaning, and HOPING honestly at that age, that it lead to a "the" talk. By 9, I kind of think kids should know.

My 5.5 yr old knows a WHOLE LOT about sex from me being pregnant twice in the last 24 mos.
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Old 10-22-2012, 08:57 AM   #28
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I vividly remember asking my mother what a virgin was. I was in 5th grade and she was doing her make up in the bathroom. I probably took her completely off guard. But her response was, "A girl who's never been with a man." I don't remember asking for more, so I guess it satisfied me at that point.

I don't know what I would tell a child....I guess if they weren't old enough to discuss the act of sex, then I would wonder why they were asking. (Assuming it was asked anyway) Typically, when I don't think they're old enough for the real answer, I will ask them what they think the answer is. Often they are looking for a simple response anyway.
Yes. My niece was like 11 and she said something about a virgin and I looked at her and said "what?" an she responded "ya know a girl who has never kissed a boy".
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Old 10-22-2012, 10:24 AM   #29
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Originally Posted by *KaiMom*

I truely hope that you can give your child a better explanation other than someone who has s*x is bad.
I'm just trying to say what I would tell a child that isn't mine, because in the scenario it sounded like she was talking about someone else's child and the parents didn't want to talk about sex. I didn't realize this was to a 9 year old, i was thinking 4 or 5. It isn't that I think sex is bad, crikey. the point was not to mention sex at all (which is what she requested). So I was trying to think if what would best encompass the context in which a child would likely hear the word virgin, as in hocus pocus. The idea of a virgin lighting the candle is about purity and innocence, but most young kids don't know those words either, so I tried to define them. If you have a better way of doing this but still honoring the parents wishes then by all means.
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Old 10-22-2012, 11:44 AM   #30
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Re: What is a virgin?

I would say "someone who hasn't had sex yet." I guarantee that by age 9 she's heard the term "have sex," unless maybe they're Amish or something. So she'll know whether she wants to ask more or not. At 9, that would have sent me from the room, because I knew enough to know I wasn't ready to know.
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