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Old 10-22-2012, 03:06 PM   #21
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Re: Teenage Babysitter WWYD?

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I would give her the opportunity to tell her parents herself(then follow up with them) but if she didn't, I would be the first to break the bad news.
I would do this.

I would NOT however, tell everyone I knew that might use her services.

Because people can change. If she is embarrassed and gets into trouble (I assume she would), she likely would never do it again, and would really appreciate a second chance. And I think everyone deserves a second chance.

Depending on who it was and how well I knew them, etc. I might even personally give them a second chance if I saw they were truly sorry and wouldn't ever do it again.

One bad mistake shouldn't be the end of a person.

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Old 10-22-2012, 03:07 PM   #22
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Re: Teenage Babysitter WWYD?

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yes, I would tell on her. I would call them up and say 'I wanted to let you know that we will not be using your daughter to babysit for us because she had her boyfriend at our home and told our daughter not to tell us'.

Otherwise, you never know what she could tell her parents about why she's not babysitting for you anymore.

the real issue is the telling your DD to keep something from you, IMO. So, I'd make that clear. and no, I don't like the boyfriend being there, but I could deal with that issue better than I could deal with the other.
This exactly. Having the boyfriend over could earn a second chance. but her telling your child to keep a secret from you, NO! What else has she/could she tell your kid to keep a secret.
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Old 10-22-2012, 03:18 PM   #23
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Re: Teenage Babysitter WWYD?

I think you talk to her and explain just how untrustworthy her behaviour was - first the boyfriend, second the not telling you. Tell her that even though she'll never be babysitting for you again, she shouldn't repeat the episode with anyone else's children.

The fact that she asked your daughter not to tell *you* implies to me that there's a lot she's not telling her own parents either. As a concerned adult, you might want to talk to her about that too. Is there a reason she doesn't trust her parents? Are they volatile or abusive? Or as a parent would you be worried about her and want to know what's going on?

She clearly has issues with trust: she doesn't trust you, she has misplaced trust in children, she doesn't understand the value or importance of the trust you had in her. Maybe you can model responsible trust here by talking to her first? And then go from there depending on how she reacts.

Ultimately, she's still a child -- the best thing to do, IMO, is to put her in the best position to learn from her stupid mistakes, whether that's a private conversation between you two, or informing her parents.
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Old 10-22-2012, 03:21 PM   #24
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I would tell her parents. I'd talk to her first and let her know that she was fired and why, and that it's never ok to ask a child to keep a secret from their parents. But I do think her parents need to know that she's being deceptive.

Anyone who asks a child to keep a secret from their parents is a red flag and an absolute non-negotiable in my book.

Your DD should know that she did the absolute best thing by telling you guys, and that she should always tell you when anyone tells her to keep secrets.

Ugh... That whole thing makes me so mad. :-p. I just let my mind wander too far to the "well what if BF happened to be a child molester" sort of stuff.". Gah.
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Old 10-22-2012, 03:27 PM   #25
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:/ I never ever ever had my boyfriend over. Unacceptable. I had 5-6 families I sat for every weekend. Never once. And he and I could have well snuck it. Just not how my parents raised me. Had I disrespected my employers like that, I would NOT have been earning any extra cash sitting, any
Longer.
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Old 10-22-2012, 03:30 PM   #26
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Re: Teenage Babysitter WWYD?

I would want to know. One of my babysitters had her boyfriend over and they had sex after we went to bed. She also told me not to tell my parents. I tattled, and she never babysat for us or any of my friends again.

I have babysat many times as an adult (it's good money to be a regular babysitter in the evenings, like if parents have consistent meetings in the evening...one set of parents were Amway sellers, and their meetings were on Tuesday and Thursday nights), and I have had my husband come over and drop off food for me and such, but never before clearing it with the parents first, and he never stayed long. Little kids love my husband b/c he's a big goof. I also think it is different b/c I'm a responsible adult that knows better than to have sex while I'm in someone else's house watching their children.
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Old 10-22-2012, 03:33 PM   #27
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Re: Teenage Babysitter WWYD?

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Why not talk to her? Explain why what she did is not okay and that because of her actions you are no longer comfortable with her caring for your children. Hold E accountable and teach her that actions have consequences, it could be a learning experience for her.
I would also inform her parents but I think it would be good for her to hear from you why she is being "fired" so to speak.
This. I think you should make it clear to both her and her parents why she will be babysitting for you again. Obviously if she told your daughter to keep it from you, she knew he shouldn't have been there.
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Old 10-22-2012, 03:34 PM   #28
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Re: Teenage Babysitter WWYD?

Yes, I would absolutely tell her parents, and I would make very very sure to let everyone I could know of what she did so they didn't make the mistake of hiring her. How completely and totally inappropriate, immature, stupid, and dangerous.
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Old 10-22-2012, 03:43 PM   #29
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I would absolutely tell her patents.
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Old 10-22-2012, 03:48 PM   #30
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Re: Teenage Babysitter WWYD?

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Originally Posted by mmmom View Post
Why not talk to her? Explain why what she did is not okay and that because of her actions you are no longer comfortable with her caring for your children. Hold E accountable and teach her that actions have consequences, it could be a learning experience for her.
I would also inform her parents but I think it would be good for her to hear from you why she is being "fired" so to speak.
I agree. And if she doesn't tell her parents I absolutely would tell them. They will certainly be curious about why she suddenly doesn't sit for you anymore
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