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Old 10-22-2012, 09:22 PM   #41
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Re: Teenage Babysitter WWYD?

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Any idea how long he was there? Like he stopped by for 10 minutes to a half hour, or was he there from the moment you left?

I would definitely want to talk to her about it.
Dd says he was here "from the beginning until bedtime". We've used this sitter on numerous occasions and I'm unclear when exactly this took place. So, I can't be sure; it could be anywhere from 2-5 hours he was here. Dd mentioned watching a movie with them--which is on my no-no list for babysitters, but that's another issue--so must have been a while.

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Old 10-23-2012, 06:41 AM   #42
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Re: Teenage Babysitter WWYD?

This is semi-related. A friend of mine (she is 15 years younger than me) dogsat for me when she was 16. She's 21 now, but at the time she was a teen. My neighbor told me after a trip I went on that she was having her boyfriend over when we were gone (apparently she was having small parties, actually). I confronted her about it and she told me that her mother knew and was fine with it. I know her mom, and I doubted she was "fine" with it, but rather than tell her mom I simply said "you are under age and even if it's fine with your mom, it isn't fine with me."

I just never hired her again after that. She's a beautiful sweet young lady, and she's pretty mature and responsible, but she got the point that I don't tolerate someone abusing my trust.

In your case I think I'd talk to the girl first, get her version of the story, and then decide whether to talk to the parents. Like others said, the lying would be the bothersome point to me. But, I don't want the responsibility of having something potentially frisky going on between an underage teenage girl and a boy of any age in my house----for example, what if he is over 18 and she is 16? I don't want the responsibility of that....if you get my drift.
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Old 10-23-2012, 03:06 PM   #43
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Re: Teenage Babysitter WWYD?

I would call her and her parents. That way everyone knows what is going on.
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Old 10-23-2012, 06:26 PM   #44
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Lets take her parents perspective for a sec....


If the babysitter was your daughter, wouldn't you want to know????
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Old 10-23-2012, 07:17 PM   #45
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tazzae

Dd says he was here "from the beginning until bedtime". We've used this sitter on numerous occasions and I'm unclear when exactly this took place. So, I can't be sure; it could be anywhere from 2-5 hours he was here. Dd mentioned watching a movie with them--which is on my no-no list for babysitters, but that's another issue--so must have been a while.
Well, that's 2 reasons there, so I definitely wouldn't let it go without addressing it with her. Hopefully, she'll learn a lesson. As far as her parents, I would mention it to them then too.
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Old 10-23-2012, 07:37 PM   #46
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Re: Teenage Babysitter WWYD?

I would set up a meeting with the girl and her parents. I would tell her parents what she did. I would tell her that she has destroyed your trust in her. Also the fact that she she told your daughter not to tell you is beyond horrible and abusive to your child.
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Old 10-24-2012, 09:31 AM   #47
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Re: Teenage Babysitter WWYD?

Tell her parents for sure.
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Old 10-24-2012, 11:12 AM   #48
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Re: Teenage Babysitter WWYD?

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I think you talk to her and explain just how untrustworthy her behaviour was - first the boyfriend, second the not telling you. Tell her that even though she'll never be babysitting for you again, she shouldn't repeat the episode with anyone else's children.

The fact that she asked your daughter not to tell *you* implies to me that there's a lot she's not telling her own parents either. As a concerned adult, you might want to talk to her about that too. Is there a reason she doesn't trust her parents? Are they volatile or abusive? Or as a parent would you be worried about her and want to know what's going on?

She clearly has issues with trust: she doesn't trust you, she has misplaced trust in children, she doesn't understand the value or importance of the trust you had in her. Maybe you can model responsible trust here by talking to her first? And then go from there depending on how she reacts.

Ultimately, she's still a child -- the best thing to do, IMO, is to put her in the best position to learn from her stupid mistakes, whether that's a private conversation between you two, or informing her parents.
I liked this response! It comes from a place of caring & concern for both your children, and the babysitter.
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Old 10-24-2012, 04:42 PM   #49
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Re: Teenage Babysitter WWYD?

As a Mom of teen babysitters I would be very concerned about parents who didn't let me know
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Old 10-27-2012, 06:52 PM   #50
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Re: Teenage Babysitter WWYD?

I could see where you might wanna let the parents know about the bf being around, but I would talk to the girl first and let her know that you're going to tell them and give her the option of telling them first.

Also, since you say the major issue is telling your Dd not to tell you something, I want say that when I was a teenaged babysitter I told kids I babysat not to tell their parents things on a couple of occassions. It was never anything as major as having a Bf over, it was like, having a lollypop or staying up a half hour past bedtime, but I still did it once or twice. I think I was a pretty responsible babysitter overall, but at the time it did not even occur to me that this was a breach of true breach of trust or undermining parental authority, I was just fairly new to managing kids and made a few concessions that I wasn't sure would be ok with the parents, and I didn't want to get in trouble. I mean, I guess my point is that she probably has not even thought through the implications of saying that to a kid and it would be a good idea to sit down with her and explain to her why it is such a problem for you.
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