Help with 7yo school issue?

[mommabritt]

Originally Posted by jac1976 Did they give you a reason why he did not qualify for an IEP? Does he have a 504 in place? I have a 7 yo DS on the spectrum. If my son's behavior was deteriorating in school, I would request a meeting with the teacher and maybe even the IEP team (or whatever group of people made the decision that he didn't need an IEP.) I'd try to get to the bottom of his behavior. For my son sometimes it has been sitting with boys who tend to chat, or near a window- anything that sets his sensory issues off. Does your son struggle with anxiety at all? Did he say why he felt like he had to get an A? I think the deteriorating behavior and the cheating are big red flags that something isn't working for your son in this classroom, and I would certainly be meeting with the school to try to figure out what is going on and how it can be fixed.

His last IEP meeting was in 1st grade, last year, and hey said that because his behavior was good and it was not affecting him in class they could not recommend it.

I am really thinking a new IEP meeting is in order. You are right, something is not working here.

[RainandRedemption]

I'd ask the teacher to please contact me should that kind of thing happen again, and maybe check into what the schools policy is on that.

But honestly it sounds like the term "cheating" is new to your ds and he didn't really realize what he did was wrong. I'd probably focus more on making sure he knows what is considered cheating and make sure he knows that dishonesty is never a good thing. Although it seems weird that she had the answers on the board while tests were on desks anyway

But to me it seems like being really upset and dolling out punishment wouldn't be the most uplifting thing, and unnecessary, if he didn't realize at the time that it is cheating.

[mommabritt]

I wish he didn't know but I asked him if he knew what he did was wrong, and he said he did. He said he knows that cheating is not okay as we've talked about it many times while playing games/cards at home.

[mkrisel]

I know each school is different, but at my school there is no way we would write up a seven year old for cheating the first time. I would deal with it in the classroom and not involve administration.

But I think the bigger issue is the lack of communication. You should have known his behavior was deteriorating before conferences. I would ask to set up a meeting with the teacher to put a behavior plan in place (including how and when you will be contacted). As a parent, you have the right to request a revaluation of his IEP and have him retested to see if he qualifies for special education. We also have a FBA (functional behavior assessment) to help collect sets on behaviors and form a hypothesis as to why a child is behaving a certain way - all behavior serves a purpose and meets a need. Sometimes kids need to learn replacement behaviors to meet a need in another way. A child does not need to have an IEP to have an FBA. I would see if your school has a similar process.

And I don't think that you are asking the teacher for patenting advice (and it's not her job). You ideally need to all be on the same page supporting your DS, but you are the parent and know him best. You should be valued and respected in the process. She knows the education side of things, but you are your DS's strongest advocate.

Good luck and I hope things improve!

[luvsviola]

I'm going to bet that while he knew it was a bad idea, he had NO IDEA the ramifications of his actions. I wouldn't be too harsh the first time, and definitely wouldn't have done a formal write up. I probably would have talked to him, taken his paper, and retested him during recess. A second time perhaps maybe a conference with the principal. But never the first!

[mommabritt]

Originally Posted by mkrisel I know each school is different, but at my school there is no way we would write up a seven year old for cheating the first time. I would deal with it in the classroom and not involve administration. But I think the bigger issue is the lack of communication. You should have known his behavior was deteriorating before conferences. I would ask to set up a meeting with the teacher to put a behavior plan in place (including how and when you will be contacted). As a parent, you have the right to request a revaluation of his IEP and have him retested to see if he qualifies for special education. We also have a FBA (functional behavior assessment) to help collect sets on behaviors and form a hypothesis as to why a child is behaving a certain way - all behavior serves a purpose and meets a need. Sometimes kids need to learn replacement behaviors to meet a need in another way. A child does not need to have an IEP to have an FBA. I would see if your school has a similar process. And I don't think that you are asking the teacher for patenting advice (and it's not her job). You ideally need to all be on the same page supporting your DS, but you are the parent and know him best. You should be valued and respected in the process. She knows the education side of things, but you are your DS's strongest advocate. Good luck and I hope things improve!

I really do want an reevaluation for the IEP but his teacher has to approve it and I do not think she will. As I said before, she kind follows a strong handed approach to behavior issues and doesn't believe in catering. I agree with you that the lack of communication is a BIG issue. I was upset at the conference to learn he'd been acting up and I'd not been hearing about it.

Originally Posted by luvsviola I'm going to bet that while he knew it was a bad idea, he had NO IDEA the ramifications of his actions. I wouldn't be too harsh the first time, and definitely wouldn't have done a formal write up. I probably would have talked to him, taken his paper, and retested him during recess. A second time perhaps maybe a conference with the principal. But never the first!

I agree with it. He knew it was wrong but he does not understand the consequence. He would have responded well to sitting down and having an explanation of why its not okay and that he would be required to give up recess to retest. I also feel a written administrative referral was out of line and the situation was inappropriately handled.

I will be calling the school Monday morning to set up a meeting to discuss this with the principal and his teacher. I will be seeing a friend this afternoon who is also a teacher at DS school and will ask her professional opinion about it and what the procedures are on dealing with this it their school.

[mommabritt]

Copied from the school policies book:



No mention of administrative referral and states he should have been offered a retest, which he wasn't.

[CarrieMF]

Originally Posted by mommabritt Copied from the school policies book: No mention of administrative referral and states he should have been offered a retest, which he wasn't.

I'd let the difference between the policy and what happened go. Based on their policy it seems your son got off easy which is often the case for first time acts.

Did he get a zero on his spelling test? Even i he did i doubt it will have an impact on his grade.

It is a spelling test in grade 2. It isn't going to affect anything else unless he didn't learn from it and does it again.

[mommabritt]

Originally Posted by CarrieMF I'd let the difference between the policy and what happened go. Based on their policy it seems your son got off easy which is often the case for first time acts. Did he get a zero on his spelling test? Even i he did i doubt it will have an impact on his grade. It is a spelling test in grade 2. It isn't going to affect anything else unless he didn't learn from it and does it again.

How do you feel he got off easy? He wasn't offered a retest option, and he was given an administrative referral for a first offense. None if that is part of the policy.

[mcpforever]

Originally Posted by mommabritt How do you feel he got off easy? He wasn't offered a retest option, and he was given an administrative referral for a first offense. None if that is part of the policy.

It's not clear to me who the conference is supposed to involve, so I wouldn't jump to any conclusions. Then again, I don't know how the handbook is written so those definitions may have been covered.

My main concern would be the overall lack of communication, both with regards to his general behavior and this specific incident. I don't know that I would have expected a call during the actual event, but I would expect a little something more than just a note that could get lost in the shuffle. A phone call or email would be my expectation.

Sadly, I have learned that no news doesn't equal good news when it comes to communication. Things have to get really bad for most teachers to take the time to tell parents. IME, you have to be proactive and "touch base" on a regular basis to make sure things are going smoothly and help to smooth things out before they spiral into something worse.

I know the frustration of having a child with a diagnosed disorder that isn't severe enough to warrant an IEP (yet), because the child isn't just failing. We are stuck between a rock and a hard place. Do we just stand back and let our child fail because only then will they be "protected" by an IEP? Or are we proactive and stay on top of them by supporting them the way we know they need to be supported?

ETA: My instinct would be for him to only be given credit for the words that he personally spelled on the test and automatically counting off the three words that he copied. It seems like that would be actually fair, make sure that his goal of getting an A didn't happen as a result of his actions, and demonstrate that tests are about showing what you actually know.