Oh dear lord i need help!

[stephcrouse]

My 20 month old is starting to throw fits, and is going through some major seperation anxiety. I hope it is just a phase that passes quickly!

[proudsahmof4]

Originally Posted by kelpie169 My 22 month old is driving me absolutely insane! He's misbehaving, he's biting himself, he's throwing himself down and screaming for seemingly no reason-for hours! No matter what I do he won't stop screaming. I've tried every kind I discipline I can think of and now I'm just at the end of my rope. I also have a 3 year old and a 7 week old so I can't spend 100% of my time with himi just need some help! Advice?

I could have written this post myself. DD has become so difficult for me to deal with the past month or two. The screaming drives me insane. She also throws her body around when she's upset - which usually involves her falling on something or running into a wall, etc. so then that adds a whole other issue, because while she may have just been emotionally upset a moment ago, now she's actually hurt herself physically.

I don't really have any advice (clearly) but wanted to say I understand what you're dealing with. None of my other three ever reacted even close to this when they were upset.

[LittleThingsMama638]

Originally Posted by mrspopo My almost 19 month old used to just be so sweet and easygoing. But recently she's been way more frustrated and gets very upset when she doesn't get her way. Your son may be dealing with teething or sibling rivalry, but he may also just be going through a new stage where he's got strong opinions. DD wanted to bring 3 things in the shower with us yesterday - a sippy cup of milk, a fabric based baby doll, and a piece of toast. I said no and I could tell she was getting really worked up. So I snuck the toast out of sight and let her bring the other 2 in. Little things like that make her really happy, but it's hard for her to communicate what she wants. I chalk it up to her starting to have strong (albeit random) opinions, and limited vocabulary to express it.

This exactly. My 20 mo does all of the same stuff: hitting, kicking, biting, ear piercing scream, etc. I think most of it is realizing that she has opinions on things. You ask her to pick up her toys, and she screeches at you and throws something. Or throws herself on the floor. She doesn't want to do it and that's how she's deciding to communicate it. But it got particularly bad after my itty bitty was born a few weeks ago. She was screeching at everything and throwing everything. I started putting her in her crib with her doll, paci, and blankets and letting her calm down every time she did it. It stopped it quickly.

[luvsviola]

Originally Posted by mrspopo My almost 19 month old used to just be so sweet and easygoing. But recently she's been way more frustrated and gets very upset when she doesn't get her way. Your son may be dealing with teething or sibling rivalry, but he may also just be going through a new stage where he's got strong opinions.

I agree. We are seeing a change in our 20 month old. She was so sweet and easy going, and lately, she has developed an opinion. To hell with the older 2 kids...she is IN CHARGE! I think it is the age.

[mibarra]

Ah, the tantrum phase.... this is what worked with both my girls. When they lose control like that, sit down next to them holding your arms out, asking if they want to come to mommy. They almost always say no. I continue to calmly sit and tell them I want to hold them when they are ready. After 1-2 minutes it winds down and they crawl into my lap, and I hold them while verbalizing their emotions (You were so mad, you wanted x and mommy said no, so you were very mad). This usually ends the tantrum in a few minutes. When they are losing their mind they cannot be reasoned with, so I get the best results by removing them from the situation and helping them regain control

[MsGiggles]

Could you try confining him by a baby gate or something (just so he's not climbing onto you) then playing nearby with the other kids and shouting occasionally "This is so much fun! So-and-So can join us when he stops screaming and we can all have fun." Get back into the games/activities then repeat a zillion times every minute or two.

[MyKylie]

Probably a mixture of being "that age" and comepeting for attention with the new baby. Hang in there!

[Hillargh]

My 17mo is just finally easing up on this now that his brother is 2m old. What worked for me was including him in some of baby care. Hand me a diaper. Let's kiss the baby, he's crying and needs love. Good job, you're such a great big brother! Would you like to give baby brother his paci? I'm so proud of you for being such a good helper! Etc. Also, I will NOT engage negative behavior. He wants attention, he doesn't care what kind. If he gets angry and, for example, throws a toy. I tell him one time only that we do not throw our toys. We love, not get angry. Then I ignore until he goes back to being nice. The moment he's nice I engage, give a hug and kiss, and explain that sometimes we have to wait, mama loves you, when you're nice it makes people want to play with you more than if you're mean, etc. And then we clean up his toys if he threw them.

I also set aside one time per day to have special mommy and william time. Usually during DS2 napping, since DS1 only naps once a day now. We do whatever he wants. And just that alone makes the rest of the day SO much better. He just misses having me all to himself.

I keep reinforcing waiting. For example, if he brings me a book while I'm feeding DS2, I tell him he has to wait. Brother needs to eat. Then I make sure to follow through and read him his book after I'm done feeding his brother. I talk to him about it, saying see? I told you we would read, we just had to wait and be patient. Don't worry, mommy didn't forget. He has taken holding on FAR better once I started reiterating that it will happen, just not that second, and then remind him of it as I follow through.

I also remind him when DS2 has to wait. Like when DS1 is in the bath, and DS2 is asleep in my room. If DS2 wakes up, I will tell DS1 that we have to hurry because brother is crying. But then I explain that, see? Brother has to wait sometimes too, just like you do. You both have turns, and that's okay. He doesn't feel as if everything is unfair and just him.

Honestly, it just takes time and adjustment to the new normal. And using every opportunity to show that each child is just as special to mama, and all have their time.

DS1 is VERY routine oriented, so a second child warped his world. But now he realizes that it all still happens in order, just a little earlier or later. And that's okay, because through consistency, he knows it WILL happen.

ETA: We do time out, but only for dangerous things. If he tries to hit the baby, I tell him we don't hit baby brother. He's little and it can hurt him. We love. Let's all hug. Usually that works. But if he's in a hitting mood I warn once that it isn't safe and if he does it again, he will get a time out. If he does it again, I take him to time out in his room and tell him when he's ready to be safe and not hit, he can come out. He's upset for all of 30seconds and then is dancing and happy. So I get him and explain it all again. Then we kiss little brother and I praise him for being loving and not hitting.

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[anne_josh]

Sounds like terrible twos plus molars and/or jealousy.. good luck, I know it is hard and I don't have an infant to deal with!