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Old 11-30-2012, 08:38 AM   #1
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Update with ultrasound

UPDATE: it's the month for twins.


This is totally random and choppy. I am hoping that just getting it out will help me deal.

Today is my dating ultrasound which is good but I am a total emotional wreck today. This baby was not planned, we were NTNP, not unwanted but is coming at a weird time. I had moved on in my thinking that it would be a while before we had another baby so we are buying a small farm and I was getting excited about starting that and getting to do things you can't with a tiny baby since DS is almost 2.
I am really scared that they are going to find two babies in there today. DH has been joking with me from the start that we were having twins. Add that to the fact that I have been so much sicker so much sooner this time and I am about to go crazy. My sister had twins 3 years ago and she did great but watching her I don't know that I could handle it.
I just don't know how to feel about this baby. I don't want to say I resent it because that just makes me sound like an awful person. We tried for what felt like forever to have DS and now that God has blessed us with another one I am struggling to be thankful.
I have tried to tell DH how I am feeling but it is hard to put into words. He is already so over worked and then he comes home and has to be the single parent for the evening and I hate to put anymore on him. He was/ is ready for another baby and I thought I was until the stick turned pink. Thankfully I have many months to get excited and in a good mental spot because right now I am so blah that I just want to go get and epidural ASAP when labor starts and be done with it (and I am a HUGE natural childbirth advocate).
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Old 11-30-2012, 08:41 AM   #2
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Re: I am a terrible person

I think a lot of moms feel this way...I know I wanted both of my kids so badly but cried when I got a bfp, afraid I wouldn't be a good enough mom, etc. This time, God had a sense of humor and I got in the office Wednesday and they did find twins. I'm totally in shock, still, but what an incredible blessing. Try not to stress until you know there are 2, and even then, everything will be fine!
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Old 11-30-2012, 08:44 AM   #3
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Re: I am a terrible person

just take it one step at a time, one day at a time and enjoy the u/s today
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Old 11-30-2012, 08:54 AM   #4
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Re: I am a terrible person

Hugs! A good friend once told me theres a reason we have 9 months to prepare ourselves beforehand. Just let yourself feel however you need to feel...it seems fitting to get the negative emotions out of the way in the first trimester along with the crappy symptoms.
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Old 11-30-2012, 09:00 AM   #5
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Re: I am a terrible person

You're NOT a terrible person. I have some of those feelings, mainly because youngest is almost 9 months and I'm just still very into her. I'm hoping my milk doesn't dry up. I have 3 kids 4 and under now (along with 3 older ones).
Really bad morning sickness can make us feel crappy about the whole process and I bet that's got something to do with it.
Whether you find twins or just one, I will bet that by the time you give birth, you won't ever know how you ever lived without her/him/them!
Feel better, mama!
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Old 11-30-2012, 09:10 AM   #6
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Re: I am a terrible person

We suffered infertility for many years. There are 8 years between our younger 2. I adjusted to not having more kids. Our lives were now geared toward having older kids. I was working a good job, great benefits(think 5 weeks vacation plus sick days the first year). I very unexpectedly became pregnant. I definitely had mixed feelings despite having wanted a baby for so long. Now I am anxious for another one.
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Old 11-30-2012, 09:11 AM   #7
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Re: I am a terrible person

I totally, completely, thoroughly understand. Hopefully, today will give you at least a direction to start in your thinking. At least that's what I keep telling myself about this coming Tuesday. I think it's easier for our husbands to not think about it so much because it's not happening in their bodies. Out of sight, out of mind.
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Old 11-30-2012, 09:20 AM   #8
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Wow! Y'all are amazing. I am so glad I am not the only one that feels this way. My ultrasound is at 1:30 and I will let y'all know how it goes.
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Old 11-30-2012, 09:32 AM   #9
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Re: I am a terrible person

I hope your ultrasound goes well! I had one today too but I am still way early.
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Old 11-30-2012, 02:37 PM   #10
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Re: Update with ultrasound

Congratulations on twins! I hope you have an easy pregnancy!
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