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Old 12-14-2012, 10:08 PM   #51
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Re: DECEMBER 2012 CHAT THREAD

Here foster parents legally have the right to submit a form directly to the judge before each hearing which includes a place for an attached photo. That was kind of a new thing when dd was foster so I don't know how it's going now. Assuming the judge read them you could give your direct input and the questions covered quite a alot of things such as how the kids did with visits, etc. What I didn't know was whether the attorneys (bio and the state) and social worker also got copies.

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Old 12-15-2012, 10:58 PM   #52
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Omg. Just...omg. I dont even know where to start. Or how much I can share? Dont quote me. I just have to get this out.

We may or may not be getting newbie twins. Omg.

Now not too long ago I was so ready for dfs to go home due to his behaviors, my chronic headaches and just a variety of reasons. I love him so much but I didnt realize how isolated and miserable I had gotten until I started to feel better. I have been hoping and praying that either dfs gets to go home or our hearts would change and we would fall madly in love with him. I dont know how I could ever purposely remove him from our lives, not to mention explaining that to his mother. How to you say that to someone? I am not her bff but I do have affection for her and her other kids and a certain measure of respect as well. Its a sad situation. The thought of saying goodbye forever to them makes me so sad. Welcome to foster care right? I won't say im madly in love with him but I definitely feel differently about him than I did before. I am excited when he says a new word, I get warm fuzzy feelings when he calls me mama. I never thought that would happen but I was just in so much pain 24/7 I think it was preventing me from getting close. My dh has made some comments recently to make me think that his feelings are changing too. My mom thinks we are protecting ourselves emotionally. This whole experience is so weird. No matter what happens this guy and his family have been a blessing to us.

TWINS. Twins. Omg.

Eta...deleted a ton!
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Old 12-16-2012, 07:48 AM   #53
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Re: DECEMBER 2012 CHAT THREAD

Are the twins dfs' siblings? Otherwise, I'm confused on how they can call you 4-5 months ahead of time for them. That kind of thing just doesn't happen here. So many things can change in that time. Exciting to think about though! Is dfs not going home soon? I thought last I read it looked like he was going home soon. So glad you're feeling much better about his.

Our placement has been an emotional up and down journey from the start. Currently the plan seems to be for her to go to a relative. However, this relative appears to have a sketchy past losing custody of her own kids to the dad (not TPR'ed, but her ex raised them). Other things too that show she is unstable so since they'd make her adopt at this point, praying she doesn't pass because baby would not have a good life with her. I've had other placements go to family and I've supported that because they were good people and it was temporary placement and not adoption (except for one but they were amazing people). Sigh.
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Old 12-16-2012, 09:36 AM   #54
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Oh yes it is. I deleted half the post because I was afraid I was saying too much. Lol! This is pretty anonymous though. Anyway the case was straight ru but I think that was before they found out about the twins sw.thinks it will move to concurrent in feb. I still do hope in my heart that it somehow works out. Mom is very sweet and not dangerous at all but has no support. I actually think she could be a great mom, she has put her kids wellbeing first in the past that is why they are in care. She does not do drugs or drink. She doesn't even smoke thank god for these babies!

I am sorry to hear that your lo could be going to a home that is not the best. I hope it works out this time!
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Old 12-17-2012, 01:20 PM   #55
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Re: DECEMBER 2012 CHAT THREAD

It has been so long since I posted. I occasionally read so I know what is going on though.

WynneBabies - Hoping that the relative doesn't pass all the checks because she doesn't sound at all appropriate. It is one thing when you feel good about letting a child go knowing they are going to a good place but entirely different when you have that uneasy feeling. Will be praying for her and your family.

MSheiden - So sorry that this is taking so long. It is so hard when you feel like your life is on hold just waiting .... knowing he is yours but not feeling so secure until the finalization. The day before C was adopted we put him in the car and my DH looked at me and said we better be careful going home bc if anything happens to us, he would go back in the system and lose everything he knows. You truly feel that way until it is finalized. Praying that things speed up and they finally get done.

FindingMercy - Glad that things are progressing with Abrahams adoption. He is adorable and looks like he is doing much better.

Jens - Our state is doing the same thing about bringing kids to hearings. I too wonder what the impact will be. Plus I have waited for court for hours sometimes and can't imagine what that is going to be like for all the little ones.

For those that are worried about RAD - look into Karyn Purvis - Empowered to Connect. There is a great website and it is an awesome resource.

NewMommy - WOW .... I would be freaking out. Actually I am because there is a very real possibility that we will have 4 this spring 2 and under. Two infants at a time is doable but it is hard to physically get around. I was blessed to get a quad stroller which helps but is a lot of work. Thought it would get easier when they all slept through the night but just seems like it evolves to a new challenge. If it is meant to be it will happen and you will adapt. Could J lead to adoption? What about the twins? Would you be up for adopting all 3? Something to consider if you accept the placement. I know you eventually would like to adopt but not sure how many.

As for us, I feel like I live in Crazyville most days. Hope's still with us and things are progressing very slowly with the ICPC. I have got to know her aunt more and fell much more peace about her moving. The longterm effects of her drug exposure are becoming apparrent and we have a lot of therapy. Everything seems hard l... just normal stuff like changing diapers, dressing, bathes, feeding, etc. Hope wants to do things but they don't come easy, the bigger she gets and tries to move the more apparent the issues seem. Her therapist and I agree that there is most like a neurological component of some sort .... only time will tell I guess ... and I may never know the answers. Just doing my best to help her while I have her. We have lots of therapy and doctor appts. Paperwork for ICPC is still to be submitted so who knows how long it will be. I keep hoping for her and her families sake that it is sooner than later. I feel bad having her through holidays but would have felt bad if she left too. Such a roller coaster of emotions.

We have been through a lot lately with my AS C. We are still not sure what is all going on with him. We have known that there were some things all along. Also knew that since he had a IVH (Brain bleed) when he was a few months old that we may have issues. Looks like we are definitely dealing with some degree of SPD. Therapist have thought it was very severe for not thinking there is a autism issue but still not sure. There are things I know for sure are sensory but other things I think may be more physical. He does a lot of head banging, eye poking, ear covering and vomiting .... thought to be sensory. BUT the week of the hurricanes, I had horrible migraines and he had a horrible week so now we think it may be headaches. His GI doctor has thought his vomiting could be linked to the extra fluid in head .... so heading to neurologist next. GI has ruled out food allergies and reflux meds help but he still pukes about 10 times and hour on bad days and 10-20 times a day on good days. Reflux meds control the volume, so more of a spit up, swish and swallow now .... SORRY TMI!!! Anyways, between his therapy and dr appts he has kept us busy too!

Baby Bro is my easy peasy boy!!! God knew I needed at least one easy. Everything is progressing smoothly with his case. Initial TPR hearing set for Jan 17th ... they may do a default TPR on that date. Found out we are getting a different CW so we will see how it goes after that. Hoping things don't go too fast since we are pretty sure Mom's pregnant and due this spring and we want the baby to come straight here if the adoption is completed that may not happen.

We are hoping that the babies don't criss cross. Hoping Hope will go to family before baby is born so we can have times with just the boys. Hoping baby is a girl and not born too early (all her babies are preemie).

Well that is about it I guess
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Old 12-17-2012, 04:56 PM   #56
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I am so glad you posted dalynn I've been wondering about you! I feel like you are one of the few people who wouldn't think I'm crazy for attempting it. I've not had many positive sentiments from family since we found out about the possibility. I think it has more to do with our living situation and people not being open to large families than anything else.

Regarding adoption...I'm feeling very ignorant and unprepared. A little inadequate if that makes sense. I dont know anything about boys. The race issue weighs heavily on my mind. How can I do them justice? How can I be the mom they deserve? I dont know how differently I would feel if they were all girls, at least there is some degree if familiarity there. My husband and I have only had very preliminary discussions because of his work schedule and because I want him to be able to think it through without my input to see what he comes up with on his own. I'm afraid of saying no due to too many complications if they are early then the complications end up resolving quickly, or saying yes because things are looking good then ending up in way over our heads.
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Old 12-18-2012, 04:59 AM   #57
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Re: DECEMBER 2012 CHAT THREAD

newmommy13: One thing you have to remember is that April is a long way away. J may be a completely different child by then. That's what? A solid four months away? By the time they are released from the hospital, he'll be well on his way to 2 yrs old. Not sure what day to day life looks like with your dear daughter, but these babies are not coming tomorrow. You have time. Are their behaviors you want to work on before then? Start now. If there is one thing I've learned, it's that there is a season for everything. My youngest just hit a point where he is a walk in the park and I'm starting to get the baby itch. Yikes!
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Old 12-18-2012, 06:58 AM   #58
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Funny you should say that because I've been feeling like hes getting easier but it might be because I'm tolerating everything better because my headaches are gone. I was so miserable. I think if hes able to form on attachment things will be better too, and maybe things are starting to happen there and thats why we are seeing a difference. Example he used to jump up and scream the moment he woke up from each sleep, every morning and nap. Sometimes now I can hear him giving his bear kisses or just moving around. I can't imagine being in a panic at first waking. Ive pushed snooze for an hour lol but sadly who knows what hes gone through.
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Old 12-18-2012, 08:11 AM   #59
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Although I still can't go in a store for more than 5 minutes without him shrieking at the top of his lungs. Any ideas on how to handle that? Ignoring it thus far has not worked in 5 months lol! No toys, he just throws them.

I just had the epiphany yesterday that maybe there is something on my phone for him and I downloaded this baby app (who knew?) That maybe will hold his interest. This is so irritating. I really love to shop! Lol!
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Old 12-18-2012, 10:29 AM   #60
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Re: DECEMBER 2012 CHAT THREAD

Been thinking about you often, Dalynn. Thanks for the update. I hope Hope's new parents are up for the challenges of raising her. Also hope you get the new baby with no complications. I keep waiting for our current placement's mom to announce she's pregnant again. We're almost in the double digits of kids now and she has 10+ years left of fertile years. Very sad. She is mentally ill and will never be able to parent. Where I'm thinking the relative will try to take the baby in the end, right now "dad" (not proven yet, but I'm thinking he is) may try too. Not a bad guy in the sense of being a criminal, but there are big questions on his functioning level and his on again, off again relationship with bmom. And we'll see if he has the ability to do a case plan. If there's no hand holding, from his actions so far, I'm not sure he's capable. I also question if he's clean, but they can't do drug tests without some kind of inclinations he may be using. This has now been my longest placement and right now it could go either way. Really hard.

I, that's really sad about dfs' bmom. Do you think she's a bit lower functioning and can't parent due to that? Dfd's bmom is plus is mentally ill, although she doesn't do drugs (well, marijuana occasionally, I guess) and doesn't smoke. Couldn't tell you on drinking, but baby has no signs of FASD and is developing very well.
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