Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-07-2012, 11:42 AM   #1
j+csmama's Avatar
j+csmama
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Southern Indiana
Posts: 3,708
My Mood:
One year ago...

One year ago, nearly down to the hour, I walked into my m/w office for an u/s. I was nervous because of the situation under which the baby was conceived (super long background, short story, it was a married man). I knew I was about 9 weeks along, had been in major denial and not taking care of myself and the baby like I knew I should have been. I went back for the u/s and saw a little peanut on the screen. I immediately knew something was wrong when the tech turned the screen away and started focusing intently. My mw came in and told me there was no heartbeat. I had the option of a d&c or a shot of methotrexate. I took the shot, went home and in the coming days miscarried my baby.

I didn't realize that today would be so hard. I thought I had grieved this loss but my heart is so full of anger, sorrow, guilt, and grief right now. I have spent most of the day wrapped up on the couch in my sweats crying. I really want the pain to go away but I know it never will. I decided to give myself the day to grieve, to cry, be angry, and mope. Tomorrow I know I have to pull up my bootstraps and be the mom my kids deserve, the best mom I can be. I lost a beautiful child and that SUCKS!!! But I also have 3 amazing babies that need me and I can't wallow in my pain for too long.

I miss that baby. I am angry that it was taken from me. I am sad that I never heard its cry, got to hold it in my arms, smell the beautiful scent of the top of its head, feel its warmth against my skin. I feel so guilty because I was so irresponsible when I knew I was pregnant. I am so so sad.....

Advertisement

__________________
Julianne- BWing, ERFing, trying hard to stay sane, single, working momma to Jerzie (6) Camden (5) Jorja (3) and my 3 angel babies
Check out my blog! Mommy and Me Giveaways
j+csmama is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2012, 11:45 AM   #2
mommabritt's Avatar
mommabritt
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Currently MO; but wherever the Marines send us. SoCal at heart.
Posts: 9,876
My Mood:
I'm sorry for your loss. Take the day to mourn.
__________________
Hi, I'm Brittney
Wife to one amazing man.
Mom to FOUR amazing blessings.

***IDSO Salt Water Sandals- White, Toddler 7***
mommabritt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2012, 11:46 AM   #3
stevensmom's Avatar
stevensmom
Super Moderator
Squeeze your own darn cheeks
sitesupporter
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: a little place called Home
Posts: 49,175
My Mood:
Re: One year ago...



I had my 1 year anniversary of our last loss on Wednesday. And it was really hard. Harder than the anniversaries of my other m/cs
__________________
Erica , wife to Ben, momma to Steven11.06 Emily9.10 Matthew 8.13
Forever in my heart, always on my mind (3.09, 5.09, 12.11)
"Life's too short to buy green bananas"
Swag with me! Bing it!
stevensmom is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2012, 05:00 PM   #4
wordmama's Avatar
wordmama
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 6,785
My Mood:
Oh mama, I'm so sorry. Maybe try writing a letter to that baby. Write out your pain and regrets. I know this process often helps me when I have heavy thoughts on my heart. Big huge hugs.

Sent from my iPhone using DS Forum
__________________
~*Lucy*~
Loving wife and a devoted mama to 13: three in my arms
(Hayden, Felicity and Teagan), and ten in heaven.
Check out my blog, focusing on the wisdom of wee ones.
wordmama is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2012, 05:33 PM   #5
amyltc's Avatar
amyltc
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 5,444
My Mood:
Re: One year ago...

I'm so sorry
__________________
Amy, mom to Allie-1/06, Hannah-4/08, and Lucy-12/13 always missing baby 'M' (7 weeks)
Sometimes mama/auntie to N (5/09) and Z (8/10)
Yarns, YYMN and patternsHERE
amyltc is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-08-2012, 08:13 AM   #6
j+csmama's Avatar
j+csmama
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Southern Indiana
Posts: 3,708
My Mood:
Re: One year ago...

I heard from the baby's father yesterday. It made my day even worse. Not only was I mourning the loss of the baby, I also relived the grief I felt over the loss of that relationship. Gosh, I never expected things to be so rough....
__________________
Julianne- BWing, ERFing, trying hard to stay sane, single, working momma to Jerzie (6) Camden (5) Jorja (3) and my 3 angel babies
Check out my blog! Mommy and Me Giveaways
j+csmama is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.