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Old 12-09-2012, 02:15 PM   #31
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My husband went to a friend's house to play games and took DS1 to play with the other kids. 2 adults got drunk. Including the mother of one of the kids. I was MAD when I found out. Drinking is fine. No one needs to be drunk at all, much less in front of kids. And she was acting stupid drunk from what I heard.

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Old 12-09-2012, 02:16 PM   #32
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Re: How much drinking is acceptable when youre raising children?

I drink wine occasionally and a few times a year DH and I both enjoy vodka smoothies til we're silly. We will have a drink while the kids are around but we don't get silly until they are asleep. I don't feel irresponsible about it. I partied as a teen and even as drunk as I've ever been I have never passed out, and several times did have to deal with urgent situations and was sober almost immediately. I don't know if it's the adrenaline or what. And I don't even get really drunk now as an adult, like I said just a little silly. I'm still more comfortable with my kids being safe in bed though and not running around.

I think I would be uncomfortable if it was a regular thing, or if there were any stumbling around the kids or saying inappropriate things to the kids, or any sort of neglect, that's too far. I mean if it's causing any kind of issue, you really need to look at why you're still choosing to do it.
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Old 12-09-2012, 02:18 PM   #33
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Re: How much drinking is acceptable when youre raising children?

I am drinking wine right now. In front of the kids too. If they were to ask me about it I would allow them to try it. As a pp mentioned this is how I was raised and it made me less curious. I was even allowed to have a beer or wine cooler from time to time.
OP as far as talking to your friend about his drinking I think is a bad idea. How long have you known him? From what you said he has always drank around the kids. You said you weren't worried about any ones safety so I think you should mind your own business on this one. If it does get to a point of the safety of the children then offering your help with the kids would be ok but as an "outsider" trying to tell him he drinks to much around the kids may not go over so well. My words sound kind of harsh but I'm just in a hurry.
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Old 12-09-2012, 02:23 PM   #34
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Re: How much drinking is acceptable when youre raising children?

everyone has their own opinions on this. for me personally, i don't think it's healthy or responsible to have alcohol at all around children. I don't think it really has any positives at all. To me drinking is a vice in any quantity. It does not cause anything good to happen.

of course it's just my opinion. OP, good luck with the situation you were talking about.
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Old 12-09-2012, 02:33 PM   #35
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We have friends who come home every night and crack open a beer, then spend their weekends drinking beer all day and night. I am curious to see how their kids turn out.

I don't mind DH drinking on the weekends but I prefer the kids aren't exposed to it on a regular basis. My dad drank a lot on weekends when I was a kid and I distinctly remember being maybe 12 and reading his friends the riot act for letting him drive home the night before. Drinking, especially to excess, is a rare event for me. Probably because of my belief that if we aren't home and one parent has more than a single drink, the other parent is dry for the rest of the night. I relax that a bit if we are home but even that is rare because I've been pregnant or nursing for so long.
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Old 12-09-2012, 02:50 PM   #36
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Re: How much drinking is acceptable when youre raising children?

I don't think you should ever have so much that you're not able to care for a child. If I've had to many to drive, too many to nurse - I've had too many.
Even if you're not beligerent or passing out, I do thinking drinking really regularly (like every evening) can pose a bad influence. DH drinks a little more than I like, but I can't really control what he does. I put the cabosh on drinking and driving though, and he's not aloud to sleep in the bed with me and the baby when he has more than 1 or 2.
Like two friends we have - they don't get super wasted, but they drink EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. and have 2 kids. Like, they were sipping from a flask on halloween when we took the kids out trick or treating, and put schnapps in their coffee the other weekend taking the kids to do art projects at a museum. To me, that's too much. Having a beer at a BBQ with friends is different than events specifically for children.
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Old 12-09-2012, 03:08 PM   #37
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Re: How much drinking is acceptable when youre raising children?

I don't think it matters if you have children or not, if you are not being responsible and/or making bad choices then you need to seek help.

My husband drinks a 2-4 beers most nights of the week, if he's sitting and watching a movie with the kids he will drink a beer. Sometimes he has 1-2 mixed drinks instead of beer. I rarely drink, maybe one drink on the weekend. We were both raised in conservative Christian families that believed drinking any alcohol was a sin but we started trying it after we were married and in our early 20's. I don't have a problem with responsible drinking around kids, have a couple of beers while you relax is not going to hurt anyone. Getting trashed and acting stupid isn't good for anyone.
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Old 12-09-2012, 03:18 PM   #38
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Re: How much drinking is acceptable when youre raising children?

i was raised that alcohol was the devil. my dad was an alcoholic and dried up when i was 7 or 8. we didnt have it in the house after that(and i never remember seeing it before that either...) i wasnt a party girl in high school or anything and had a drink for the first time after prom. it was gross. ive never been a big drinker but do have a drink now and then(usually a mikes hard lemonade or something like that). i have no issue with a beer or glass of wine around the kids. i drink dark beer occasionally to boost my milk supply. no idea what ill do when the kids are older but we never have any significant amount in the house(like we will buy a 6 pack and share it with neighbors and have 1-2 left over) they wouldnt be able to get much to drink here even if they wanted to lol
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Old 12-09-2012, 03:26 PM   #39
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Re: How much drinking is acceptable when youre raising children?

Here's my opinion on the matter.

The children need to be protected in case of emergency, meaning one of the adults in the house needs to be sober. Not necessarily dry, but sober. No more than a few drinks, within the legal limit to drive or not much over it. If the other parent gets plastered, fine, my preference would be that said other adult waits until the children are in bed.

If both mom and dad want to have a party or go to one and get wasted, fine - have a family member or a paid babysitter watch the kids until you're sober enough to deal with them. Your kids deserve to have a responsible adult in the house, and when you get drunk or high, you can't be that person to them. Maybe once they get to the teen years you can get away with not doing this from a safety perspective, but that's really not modelling responsible drinking in front of them which is more important in teh teen years.

As to how much should you drink in front of your kids, no more than a few a day, and probably not every day. But that's really a personal thing. I'm not going to knock a real wine connasseur who likes to have a glass every evening with dinner. I think where it becomes a problem is when it becomes less of a "like" and more of a "need".
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Old 12-09-2012, 03:30 PM   #40
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Originally Posted by Rewind_Selector
I am drinking wine right now. In front of the kids too. If they were to ask me about it I would allow them to try it. As a pp mentioned this is how I was raised and it made me less curious. I was even allowed to have a beer or wine cooler from time to time.
OP as far as talking to your friend about his drinking I think is a bad idea. How long have you known him? From what you said he has always drank around the kids. You said you weren't worried about any ones safety so I think you should mind your own business on this one. If it does get to a point of the safety of the children then offering your help with the kids would be ok but as an "outsider" trying to tell him he drinks to much around the kids may not go over so well. My words sound kind of harsh but I'm just in a hurry.
My concern isn't the drinking around the kids. It's that he's letting it become too big a part of his life and it's pushing his wife away, and making his sons uncomfortable, as well as being a bad IMO influence on them.
It might be a bad idea to talk to him, I haven't decided if I will or not. If I truly believe that he might be setting himself up for a lot of pain and regret later on in life, then I'll have to risk hurting the relationship temporarily. It's not a relationship that can be permanently severed. I've known him my whole life, 27 years.

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