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Old 12-09-2012, 03:40 PM   #41
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I'll share my thoughts on drinking.

I think daily drinking, if it's 1 or sometimes 2 drinks is fine. Occasionally having 2-3 or even 4 is fine, even in front of the kids. So long as you are still in control of yourself.
I grew up being allowed to sip ppls drinks and don't think there's anything wrong w that. Letting a 16 yo drink a beer, fine IMO.

But I think you should be constantly aware of what you're communicating to your kids.

I don't think the want to drink vs need to drink really indicates the problem. At the point of "wanting" to binge drink all the time, I think you need to turn it around asap before things get bad.

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Old 12-09-2012, 03:47 PM   #42
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Re: How much drinking is acceptable when youre raising children?

DH has a glass of beer a few times a week. I've never seen him intoxicated. I don't drink. I think a few drinks once in a while is fine as long as the parent is still completely functioning and not intoxicated.

Many of our students at school see their parents drink, and they tell stories about what happens when they drink. The parents are not setting a good example at all, and the older kids are following in their parents footsteps. I've seen some of the people in town (we live in a very small town) go downhill over the last 5 years with how much they are drinking. It's destroying their families.
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Old 12-09-2012, 04:12 PM   #43
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Re: How much drinking is acceptable when youre raising children?

Well as of right now there is no alcohol consumption in the house b/c SO's parents don't drink and used to be alcoholics (they wouldn't care if we bought ourself some wine or anything...we are just to poor ). For the future, I am not much of a drinker and don't ever plan to have more than a glass or maybe two of wine at a time. I love the taste of good wine, but hate to feel drunk. I don't think I would be comfortable with SO and I both having acohol at the same time if we were the only adults around. There are a lot of factors at play, it would really be situational.
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Old 12-09-2012, 04:24 PM   #44
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Re: How much drinking is acceptable when youre raising children?

I was a big drinker before I found out I was pregnant. When I found out I was pregnant I stopped drinking (obviously) and didn't have a drink until my dd was about three months old (a single glass of wine). I love wine and beer (and harder stuff) but limit myself to one drink. I have had a six pack in my fridge for almost two months and it has four beer left. I think that with a nursing baby one drink every few weeks is my max. When my daughter is older I think I will have a two drink limit. I do not want her to see me drunk. Also, as a single mother I need to be sober to take care of her.

My dad liked to drink but my mom didn't drink at all, so they balanced each other out. I didn't see my dad drunk until I was around ten years old. I thought he was funny. My entire childhood he let me sip his beer, so I knew the taste. I didn't drink as a teen until I was almost nineteen (the legal limit here). I feel my parents did a great job.
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Old 12-09-2012, 04:49 PM   #45
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I think one a night, occasionally even two, is fine. I want my children to grow up learning a healthy attitude about it-"It's okay to drink alcohol, but you need to be responsible." I don't plan to hide it or lock it up like it's a big mysterious secret; it only makes kids want it more (obviously it will be kept ot of reach from them when they're young, for safety). I will allow them to try some and occasionally have a full drink as they get older, again to teach them that it is just another beverage that you can have occasionally, rather than a "let's get raging drunk" party beverage that they sneak around having.
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Old 12-09-2012, 04:50 PM   #46
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Re: How much drinking is acceptable when youre raising children?

We don't drink at all, I have a long history of alcoholics in my family, so we agreed it would be the best think for our kids who have my genetics. I think one parent needs to be completely sober at all times. If one is drinking they should still always be in control of themselves. I think that is the only way for children to see what responsible drinking is.

ETA- they are exposed to drunken idiots at every family function unfortunately, so they do get a healthy dose of why we choose not to drink.

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Old 12-09-2012, 05:02 PM   #47
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I think any amount of alcohol that causes you to be unable to drive or care for your children in an emergency is unacceptable.
DH works 2 hrs away so when he is at work I've never had more than half a glass of wine before bed or a full glass with a meal - and only after DS is asleep. Regardless of the time of day, I need to be able to handle an emergency if it arises.
I hate drinking ANYTHING when he is home since he has no concept of moderation or actually enjoying what he's drinking. I will open a $30 bottle of wine on my birthday (or some other special occasion like that), fill my glass 2/3 full, and when I turn around to top it off the bottle will be empty. Same thing when DH is feeling ridiculous enough to buy beer - whether he gets a six pack or a twelve pack, whatever he brings in the house is gone that night. So I can never drink when he is home since I hate being around him when he's drunk/tipsy - which is a prerequisite for him drinking. If he can't drink for effect, he won't drink. I think drinking habits like that - even if they're quarterly, which is about what we've decreased to - are unhealthy when you have young children.
My mom also went a while where she would have around 2 glasses of wine nightly, which doesn't sound like much, except she was a total B if she didn't get to have her wine for some reason. She could still function and certainly wasn't drunk or belligerent, but it was still an unhealthy habit especially with my 14-16 year old brother at home.
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Old 12-09-2012, 05:06 PM   #48
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Re: How much drinking is acceptable when youre raising children?

How much drinking is acceptable when you are raising children?

As much as you want as long as you are not incapacitated to care for them in the times they need you. If you want to get drunk once in awhile after the littles go to bed, I see no problem with that. It's ideal that one parent stay functioning, but the odds of an emergency rising in the hours of bedtime are low enough that I don't feel that it is completely unreasonable to drink to drunkenness occasionally. Since the younger children need their parents more often and more regularly, yes, there is more freedom to drink in excess when your children are older and more independent to care for their own needs.
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Old 12-09-2012, 05:15 PM   #49
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I would say that more than one drink a day could be cause for alarm (emphasis on could), and definitely if the drinking starts happening before dinner.

Also if they're treating alcohol as an escape or they "need" it to relax or calm down every single day.

To me, getting trashed every single weekend is also a sign of a problem.

Good luck! I hope that if you talk to your friend, they will listen.
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Old 12-09-2012, 05:45 PM   #50
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Re: How much drinking is acceptable when youre raising children?

I'm not gonna lie, I enjoy a good buzz. However, I don't feel comfortable being tipsy around my children or when I am the only one caring for them. So, therefore, I will only drink when they are asleep and dh is here and not drinking. That way, if an emergency arises, he can take care of them. This usually works out to 2 or 3 times a year. Dh likes to drink more, so he usually has a few on friday or saturday nights. I am always sober then, so I can care for our children in an emergency. I know it is rare, but my kids have food allergies, and I have had to call 911 before about that. I also want to be able or have dh be able to use the epipen correctly if they were to have a reaction.
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