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Old 12-11-2012, 08:31 PM   #1
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Should i talk to my friend about her kid's horrible behavior?

We have some new friends who moved into our neighborhood this summer. We (DH and I) really like them and in fact it's the first time we have had couple friends that both of us actually enjoy hanging out with. They have two little girls, 2 and 3. The 3yo (let's call her rosie) is a screamer and can get really wild. She is nearly constantly misbehaving. For example, my ODD has a buckwheat filled pillow, and this evening Rosie unzipped it and tossed buckwheat ALL over the kids' bedroom. It was insane. My DS is 4 and while he and Rosie love each other, they are constantly fighting.

Rosie tends to freak out and get crazy whenever it's time for them to leave our house. As soon as her parents say it's time to go, she starts screaming/screeching and running all over my house. Her parents don't do much but stand there by the door, saying "come on Rosie, it's time to go." When they finally catch her and get her coat and shoes on, they start asking her if she wants to say goodbye to all of our kids, and tell her to go give them hugs. Naturally she takes this opportunity to start the screaming and running all over the house again, this time with her shoes on (we are no-shoes inside here and it's muddy outside!). They again do nothing and wait by the door. This makes me utterly INSANE. My kids end up getting all wound up and DS tonight started doing it too, something he has never ever done before. It's crazy and the goodbye ends up taking 15 minutes or more.

This has happened on numerous occasions and tonight it really really made me mad. My kids were set to go to bed right after they left but instead I had to deal with DS tearing all over the house gigging and screaming just as his friend had done.

I know everyone parents differently and that's fine. IMO the kid needs to be picked up and carried out the door at the start of the screaming. I really want to talk to my friend about this. Not to tell her how to parent, but to make it clear how disruptive Rosie is when she does this and how I really need her to make her goodbyes quick and not draw the screaming out.

It's bad enough that every time this happens I consider not having them over ever again. I worry that eventually it will get to that point. Should I talk to her in order to save the friendship, or would talking to her ruin the friendship anyway? Am I stuck?

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Old 12-11-2012, 08:40 PM   #2
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Don't tell others how to parent. Set the rules yourself with child and in your home be firm and remind her. Check on them playing-constantly.

I have friends with wild kids and we end up not associating with them after awhile and lots of broken items in our home. But I do not see talking with her/ working out in your favor.. Mama bear is in her somewhere.
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Old 12-11-2012, 08:40 PM   #3
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Could you pick Rosie up and say goodbye to your friends while semi handing her to them and opening the door for them to leave?

Ds was indulged as a baby/ toddler too much and thinks his complaints hold too much weight. We didn't know how to deal with it for a long time. I don't think it would be rude to mention that they could try cutting off her tantrum by picking her up and leaving.

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Old 12-11-2012, 08:43 PM   #4
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Re: Should i talk toy friend about her kid's horrible behavior?

I honestly would not have them over again and if they asked why then I would tell them . If they don't ask I would just leave it alone.
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Old 12-11-2012, 08:50 PM   #5
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Re: Should i talk toy friend about her kid's horrible behavior?

maybe go to their house or playdates in the community?
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Old 12-11-2012, 08:50 PM   #6
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So it's OK for me to tell Rosie she can't do something if it's at my house? I never know where the line is...tonight I asked her not to take a bin of toys out and when she tried to run away from me I grabbed her and took the toy from her. Her parents were in the other room but I didn't want to just let her get away with not listening to me.

I kind of hinted tonight that they needed to just go. Dad had just put her down to give hugs and when she started screaming again he was like "oh Rosie..." kind of exasperated. I said "you didn't see that one coming?" Then she and DS were wildly chasing each other and I went over and picked her up and said "you need to go to your dad and DS is going to stay with me." I dunno I feel weird doing it but it seems like next time it's the only way. It wouldn't be crossing a line if I picked her up during the screaming /running and handed her to her parents and said nicely but firmly, "Rosie it's time for you to go." ??
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Old 12-11-2012, 08:51 PM   #7
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Do you think she has special needs?

Sometimes what looks like "bad parenting" is really developmental issues. Just food for thought

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Old 12-11-2012, 08:55 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by AbbieJack
I honestly would not have them over again and if they asked why then I would tell them . If they don't ask I would just leave it alone.
They come over all.the.time. Tonight was an invite but there are lots of times that they are walking by and the kids just start playing and then boom they are in the house for a play date. They often call on Sunday mornings wanting to stop by and hang out. It sucks because if not for Rosie's bad behavior I would love to see them all the time.

I did stop calling for a few weeks, just to take a break from Rosie but then they started taking more initiative and asking us if they could come over.

They just moved into their house and have very little furniture. And it's pretty dirty. I think they are embarrassed to have us over.
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Old 12-11-2012, 08:56 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaWillow
So it's OK for me to tell Rosie she can't do something if it's at my house? I never know where the line is...tonight I asked her not to take a bin of toys out and when she tried to run away from me I grabbed her and took the toy from her. Her parents were in the other room but I didn't want to just let her get away with not listening to me.

I kind of hinted tonight that they needed to just go. Dad had just put her down to give hugs and when she started screaming again he was like "oh Rosie..." kind of exasperated. I said "you didn't see that one coming?" Then she and DS were wildly chasing each other and I went over and picked her up and said "you need to go to your dad and DS is going to stay with me." I dunno I feel weird doing it but it seems like next time it's the only way. It wouldn't be crossing a line if I picked her up during the screaming /running and handed her to her parents and said nicely but firmly, "Rosie it's time for you to go." ??
The last part would be rude. She is just a child. But in your home, you should set the rules.


' No playing on the stairs. If you play on the stairs, everyone gets a time out. Turn to parents. Does that sound okay? I'd hate to do discipline you don't use, but that's the house rule.'

And see what they say. I no longer tolerate kids breaking things in my house, jumping off my furniture or beating toys on my wood table. While their patents laugh at how wild they are. Awesome. You won't he invited back. Lol
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Old 12-11-2012, 08:58 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by mibarra
Do you think she has special needs?

Sometimes what looks like "bad parenting" is really developmental issues. Just food for thought
I don't think so but I'm not an expert. From the outside I see a very smart little girl who knows just how to manipulate her parents. She stayed over here one evening and I put her to bed with my kids...she creeped me out a little with how manipulative she was, but I didn't tolerate it.
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