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Old 12-12-2012, 12:23 PM   #11
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My DS has been hitting DH and myself lately when he is angry and not getting his way. If it is getting dressed or diaper changes and he is on his back, he kicks too. We've just checked out some parenting books from the library, but we don't really know what to do. Is it too early for "time out"? And if not, how do you get them to understand they have to stay somewhere? Sleep is already a battle, so I really don't want to use the crib or pack n' play for time out as I don't want MORE negative associations with them. Maybe a small bean bag chair and it could be a "cool down" time? I'm 14 weeks pregnant, so especially the kicking HAS to stop soon. (Not that it would be ok otherwise, but this makes it slightly more urgent.)
My two suggestions:
-Try time in: you immediately respond with "OW! No hitting, hitting hurts me!" then you go to a quiet spot and hold him until he is calm and ready to apologize. Talk quietly and firmly, repeating "hitting hurts. We can't play if we hit people. When you are ready to say sorry, you can try playing again." Accept any version of "sorry", hug or kiss whatever you prefer. Let it go once he apologizes. At this age, each incident needs to be thought of and treated as the only incident - he doesn't yet understand that he just did that five minutes ago.

-Look for targeted children's books, not just parenting books. "No Hitting for Little Hamster" is a great one for his age. Many toddlers respond better to role playing than to discipline. You can say "remember what little hamster said?" and let them self-direct their behavior.

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Old 12-12-2012, 12:26 PM   #12
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Re: Time out for a 19 month old?

My 19 mo has been doing time out for ate a few months. I started it after he put himself in timeout a couple times and fake cried. having an older sibling has its advantages sometimes. He was an early walker and super observant of what goes on around him, so he understood the concept pretty early. If he didn't understand it yet we wouldn't do it.
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Old 12-12-2012, 12:38 PM   #13
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Re: Time out for a 19 month old?

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Originally Posted by Leiiki View Post
My two suggestions:
-Try time in: you immediately respond with "OW! No hitting, hitting hurts me!" then you go to a quiet spot and hold him until he is calm and ready to apologize. Talk quietly and firmly, repeating "hitting hurts. We can't play if we hit people. When you are ready to say sorry, you can try playing again." Accept any version of "sorry", hug or kiss whatever you prefer. Let it go once he apologizes. At this age, each incident needs to be thought of and treated as the only incident - he doesn't yet understand that he just did that five minutes ago.

-Look for targeted children's books, not just parenting books. "No Hitting for Little Hamster" is a great one for his age. Many toddlers respond better to role playing than to discipline. You can say "remember what little hamster said?" and let them self-direct their behavior.
This is why I LOVE diaperswappers. This obvious tool did not even occur to me, and my little guy LOVES books! I'm totally leaving work early and heading to Barnes and Noble.
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Old 12-12-2012, 12:41 PM   #14
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I used TO at that age (started around 15 months when her receptive language was sufficient) and it was effective. I never used a timer or TO spot (any boring place will do). I only use TO to interupt the behavior and diffuse the situation...TO is over as soon as DD is calm, quiet and attentive (usually <1min but sometimes more). I go and speak with her, appology, hug and we move on. IMO it is easier to implement TO with a younger child before he/she reaches the defiant "no" phase.
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Old 12-12-2012, 12:46 PM   #15
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Re: Time out for a 19 month old?

I really don't like time out for any age. We're more of unconditional parenting (Alfie Kohn has a book by that name) people. Also, look in to handinhand parenting for some other ideas that are in line with that. I don't believe withdrawing love/attention is the best way to respond to a child who is obviously begging for it.
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Old 12-12-2012, 12:51 PM   #16
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Re: Time out for a 19 month old?

I was in your exact situation.... Pregnant and all. We started putting DS in timeout around 18 months. The first go at it I had to put him back in the time out spot about 10 times before he realized I was serious and he had to sit there. I set the timer for a minute... Would then go over explain why he was in timeout say sorry, etc. Hitting and kicking are instant timeouts. He is now 2.5 and I am very pleased with how it's worked this far.
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Old 12-12-2012, 02:10 PM   #17
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Re: Time out for a 19 month old?

19months is definitely not too young to understand time outs. My friend started at 15months and he understood. Eventually.

that being said............ I don't like timeout for the exact situation you described. Reason being: they do not want you to be changing their clothes, etc. That is what they are battling against. So, if you stop and put them in timeout, then they win. They didn't want their diaper changed, they didn't want pajamas, etc and now they're not getting it. That's positive reinforcement for them to do the same thing next time.

And 19months is definitely too young to do the whole 'timeout after momma is done' thing because at this age, the education needs to be quick for them to understand 'why' it's happening.

We mostly just ignore it during clothes or diaper changes. Or we try redirection with tickling, etc.

the only time I really think timeout is effective is when it's for something like hitting or throwing themselves into a tantrum - because then they need a little time to regain their control.

of course, my child is now the type who throws herself on the floor and mockingly says 'timeout?' (she's 26 months). So, for me, it's really only effective when she needs time to regain her control.
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Old 12-12-2012, 02:15 PM   #18
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Well, they didn't have the hamster book, but I did buy two board books: "Hands are not for hitting" and "Feet are not for kicking". I also got Live and Logic for early childhood, and 1-2-3 Magic. I know the 1-2-3 Magic book is for age 2 and over, but I thought it might still have some good info that we can use for the next 5 months.
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Old 12-12-2012, 02:17 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EmilytheStrange
19months is definitely not too young to understand time outs. My friend started at 15months and he understood. Eventually.

that being said............ I don't like timeout for the exact situation you described. Reason being: they do not want you to be changing their clothes, etc. That is what they are battling against. So, if you stop and put them in timeout, then they win. They didn't want their diaper changed, they didn't want pajamas, etc and now they're not getting it. That's positive reinforcement for them to do the same thing next time.

And 19months is definitely too young to do the whole 'timeout after momma is done' thing because at this age, the education needs to be quick for them to understand 'why' it's happening.

We mostly just ignore it during clothes or diaper changes. Or we try redirection with tickling, etc.

the only time I really think timeout is effective is when it's for something like hitting or throwing themselves into a tantrum - because then they need a little time to regain their control.

of course, my child is now the type who throws herself on the floor and mockingly says 'timeout?' (she's 26 months). So, for me, it's really only effective when she needs time to regain her control.

I think you are probably right, but many time the tantrum keeps going for awhile, so I'd finish first. But I guess I really was thinking of it as a regrouping time for him. He does throw lots to tantrums and we generally just let him go.
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Old 12-12-2012, 02:20 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by MamaLump
Well, they didn't have the hamster book, but I did buy two board books: "Hands are not for hitting" and "Feet are not for kicking". I also got Live and Logic for early childhood, and 1-2-3 Magic. I know the 1-2-3 Magic book is for age 2 and over, but I thought it might still have some good info that we can use for the next 5 months.
We found it at the library - and librarians are great resources if you need books on a certain topic. Mine will even contact national groups and email me - she helped me find a book based on a few vaguely remembered details last week. Or start another thread here asking for people's favorite toddler-appropriate books on not hitting.

Clifford's Manners and DW's Guide to Perfect Manners both mention not hitting, as well as other good behavior.
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